HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE Let’s Say It’s 6.15pm And You’re Going Home (alone Of

i'm pretty sure there are similar hc to this but the headcanon i have about mr alfred pennyworth -one that you can pry from my dead cold hands- is that he's some kind of eldritch creature that took interest in humanity a few centuries ago and decided to become part of human society.

he was intrigued and fascinated by them so he chose to live among them, as one of them. he doesn't wish to alter anything majorly; yeah he's been part of wars and whatnot, but he mainly enjoys watching and observing how humanity grows all on their own.

alfred pennyworth was not his first name, but it's the one he's come to cherish the most because of the memories that come attached.

the batclan know yet not know. they CHOOSE not to know. cause alfred is alfred.

there have been huge uncanny valley-esque moments, but it's wtv cause alfred. is. alfred.

like when the lights always flicker when alfred is immensely displeased with someone. or how alfred always seems to understand the message, no matter how vague, or even non-verbal, you are about it. or how alfred always seems fine no matter how many years have passed. or how strong and able bodied he seems to be. or how he's always there, just when you need assistance. or how he knows where everyone is at any time. or how you would think he'd be a bit forgetful in his old age, but the man remembers every tiny detail, from things like mentioning you liked art to things like what color were the socks he laid out for one of his charges. or how even the gotham rogues know to steer clear of that butler because last time one of them tried, well, they haven't spoken on the subject but arkham staff say that they have been quiet ever since, only occasionally scream for no apparent reason when left alone for too long.

alfred is alfred, any bat would say. and that's what it is, really. alfred is alfred.

extra: when you go to the museum, you can see small little depictions of him in old paintings and even writings about a creature who took to mankind and made it its mission to nurture and care those who were down on their luck and help them achieve a higher purpose. alfred was there for many others before the batclan but he will admit that the batclan is so far who he has become fondest of.

miles is taller than 42-miles because of his spider bite. This is like when your younger brother have a grow spurt and now are slightly taller than you.

*someone mentions Tim’s clone*

Tim: wdym? That’s my son. I birthed him. Twelve hours of labour, good lord it was hard but it was worth it. Shame his father isn’t in the picture *dramatic sigh*

Tim drake doodles <3

happy pride🌈💕

why is ao3 is blocked on the hospital wifi????

This is it. This is the show

idk man but something about Stanley "taught himself extremely advance physics/math/probably many other things while running a relatively successful business" Pines and Stanford "is wanted in almost every dimension with a judicial system of some kind" Pines is sooo fucking funny to me

i worry that someday, furina might actually try and sue venti. Not because venti could be stronger than her, and i'm certainly not worried about venti.

I worry because venti is a bard and bards are known to talk well. Not only will he talk himself out of all charges, he will probably somehow push them all onto furina and the fontaine justice system will need months to figure out what the fuck just happened.

And chief justice neuvillette will not speed up the process. Let the hydro archon learn her lesson as she spends like two months in jail.

Imagine the uproar. The hydro archon, god of justice, in jail. Venti would visit her daily.