𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋
𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋
summary · a typical night of lovemaking with your boyfriend takes an untypical turn when you decide to accept rather than decline an incoming call from his best friend.
content · NSFW MDNI, dom!bottom!reader, sub!top!armin (ft. the amazon position, my beloved<3), sub!eren, a pinch of eremin, phone sex (sort of), praise, degradation, humiliation, elements of exhibitionism and voyeurism, pet names (darling, sweet thing, baby), laughter, banter and bad flirting during sex, intended as an armin x reader NOT an eren x reader (reader just bullies eren the entire time lol), reader and armin fuck nasty while eren gets off to it basically
wc · 4.7k
notes · hello! i haven’t written smut in a hot minute lol. this has been sat in my drafts for months but i finished the rest in the last, like, day lmao. anyway, this is DISGUSTINGLY self-indulgent but i hope you enjoy! <3
Armin’s phone buzzes on the bedside table, screen lighting up with the name of the caller.
Usually, he is always quick to answer, only one, two rings max, but that’s a little hard to do considering you’re currently fucking any and all sense of self right out of his body.
Nonplussed, you reach for the vibrating phone, a smile forming when you read the name of the caller. You slow your movements to a stop too, which finally pulls Armin out of the foggy daze he’s in, enough for him to recognise his ringtone.
Before he can voice the question, you tell him, “It’s Eren.”
Armin swallows the drool that’s gathered in his mouth. “I’ll– I’ll have to call him back.” He gently squeezes your thighs, bracketing his own, and groans. “Later,” he adds softly as his eyes flutter shut, unable to stay open.
Alluring as your boyfriend is, so vulnerable and open, with his sweaty skin shining like honey in the dim light of your bedroom, your mind is unable to resist wandering... Replaying all the conversations you’ve had with Armin about your shared attraction to Eren, the transparency in Eren’s own reciprocated feelings, the lingering stares, the hard gulps, the ‘platonic’ flirting...
Your fingers tiptoe up his chest, a playful gesture, not uncommon for even the bedroom, but still it piques Armin’s interest enough for him to reopen his eyes. “Why later?” you muse, grinning like a fox. “Why not now?”
As if processing your words, Armin blinks, hard, then parts his lips to reply, but words fail to reach his brain, much less his mouth. And so he stares at you, like the unspoken answer couldn’t be any more obvious because it couldn’t. Armin is quite clearly busy right now, and he’s sure that whatever reason Eren has for calling him can afford to wait, at least until he’s– well, finished.
...But you don’t seem to agree.
You go ahead and offer the phone to him as if it’s commonplace to do so in these circumstances, and Armin’s eyes widen, his lips part and close again, but he makes no further effort to protest or stop you.
“It’d be rude to keep him waiting,” you say, “and if you don’t hurry, I’ll just pick up for you.”
A few seconds, a pause, drifts into place then; a chance to decline the call or say the safeword or just do anything to show that he doesn’t want to continue — but Armin just chews on his bottom lip, eyes casting down, indigo under the shadow of his lashes, and it’s all the answer you need. You’ve always loved that about him; he may look and act like a blushing virgin, but here, with you, he can’t help being your dirty little pervert.
With a satisfied smirk, you accept the call and hover it over Armin’s ear. Your boyfriend catches his breath, but as soon as he opens his mouth to speak, you’re resuming your actions from before and knocking that breath back out again.
“Fucking finally,” Eren’s playfully exasperated voice crackles through the phone speaker. “Thought you were never gonna pick up, dude. What took you so long? You always answer on the second ring.”
Armin glances at you, as though you might be able to supply him with a believable enough excuse for his behaviour. Despite those puppy eyes, you know he doesn’t need your help — not that you’d give it to him if he did, though. You enjoy seeing him struggle a bit sometimes. How could you not, when he always makes the cutest expressions? And besides, diamonds can only form under pressure, right? So all you do is give him a small, encouraging flick of your head. Go on. Answer him.
Armin takes a deep breath. “S–sorry,” he starts. His sweaty palms nervously massage the flesh around your hips. “My phone was, um, in– in the other room.”
“More like in another building,” Eren jokes and chuckles to himself. Armin probably would have laughed too, if he wasn’t so busy trying to keep his voice in. “Anyway, I just wanted to know if you’re still down for drinks on Friday? We never actually made official plans and usually you get back to me by now but– well, I know you’ve been busy so I thought I’d, y’know, call and check.”
You notice Armin regaining his bearings at the reminder of his plans with Eren, and out of jealousy or sadism, or perhaps a bit of both, you lift yourself up, until the tip of Armin’s cock is on the brink of slipping out of you, and forcefully drop back down.
Your poor boy barely manages to capture the noise he makes behind his hand in time, the other leaping up to claw at your shoulder. His face screws up, eyes and lips squeezing tightly, but you don’t stop there. You lean over to his sensitive neck to nip and kiss the already marked-up skin, all the while making fast, shallow thrusts. The lewd sound of your motions, definitely audible to Armin and potentially to Eren, makes Armin’s cheeks fill with blood. Behind his hand, he suppresses another sound.
“Hello? You still there?”
You’re lucky enough, for whoever’s sake, that Eren is as oblivious as he is.
“Yes,” Armin says, trying to stabilise his breathing. “Mm– mhm! Friday sounds g–good, yeah.”
Unfortunately, Eren is not oblivious enough.
“Is everything, uh... okay? On your end?” Eren asks, and perhaps to anyone else, it would have sounded like a genuine question, but having known Eren for a while now, almost as long as Armin, you notice the uncharacteristic quiver in his voice — one that seems less concerned and more nervous.
You hand Armin the phone then, confusing him for a moment as to why you suddenly decided to give it to him. He’s about to speak into it, to respond to Eren, but that’s when you lift up again and drag Armin down the bed by the legs, a faint noise of surprise escaping him, before raising them up so his knees are pressed to his chest.
He tries to regain his composure despite the compromising position. “Uh, yeah, I’m–” But then you’re sinking back down on him completely, and he moans out at a volume that a part of him hopes Eren doesn’t hear — but that another, more significant part of him hopes he does.
“I’m okay,” he finishes, a little high-toned and not much louder than his moan from seconds ago.
“Are you sure?” Eren’s voice cracks. He hurriedly clears his throat. “Cause you, um, you– you just sound...” He laughs awkwardly and you know in an instant that you’ve got him right where you want him; that his relaxed demeanour is being tested, chipped away at by Armin’s suspicious sounds and staggered speech.
As if on cue — you still aren’t sure if it was on purpose or not — Armin moans again, louder this time, so that it’s painfully unmissable. The curse word Eren mutters under his breath right after is a little less unmissable, but you’re much too hyper-aware from the adrenaline and endorphins to let it slip past you.
You take the phone back again. “Pretty, right?” you say, right into the mic, and you physically feel the way Armin shudders at your intervention, how his sweaty skin grows goosebumps all over.
There’s silence on the other end, but you aren’t so easily discouraged.
“Don’t back out now, Eren,” you insist. “Go on, finish your sentence. You were about to say that Armin sounds pretty, right?”
He remains quiet for a few seconds longer. Only his breathing is audible, so you can hear the way it shakes, the way he licks his lips. “Something like that,” he mutters, voice dry.
You hum. “And I’ll bet his sounds have made you really hard, huh?” The muscles in Armin’s thighs helplessly jump under your weight. “Bet you wanna touch yourself to them, don’t you, Eren?”
On the opposite end of the phone, Eren’s breath hitches. His face is unbearably hot, like lava under his skin. He and Armin are close, sure. Always have been. They’ve done some things together before, when drunk, lonely or just curious, but this? This is different. You’re here now, and something about your presence has Eren’s thoughts fizzling into static.
“I asked you a question, Eren,” you say, stern yet somehow casual, bored, as if such authoritative phrases came naturally to you — and suddenly Eren is hearing Armin’s name in place of his, imagining you and Armin in different scenarios, in ways he knows he should never imagine his best friend and his partner, yet which could never be so vivid with anybody else. Images of you fucking Armin, pulling his hair, looking down at him with a misleading merciful gaze; Armin tied up, gagged and blindfolded, with erotic toys strapped to his body, like the girls in those porn video thumbnails Eren typically avoids; tears on pale cheeks, big blue eyes with fair eyelashes, a pink tongue and two fingers sliding across it, deeper and deeper into a gagging, o-shaped mouth.
Then those eyes melt into sea green, tears form on dark lashes, slide down skin slightly more olive-toned, past a jaw that’s more defined...
Eren combs his fingers through his loose hair, trying to catch the breath he didn’t realise was getting away from him.
“Are you gonna be a good boy and answer me?” you urge further at Eren’s skeptically long silence, with a smirk that’s wide enough to be heard in your voice. “Or should I just hang up and leave you to take care of that boner all on your own?”
Eren lets out a small — very, very small — and involuntarily whine, so subtle that if it wasn’t for the vibrations in the back of his throat, he might not have realised he made it, or that it came from him at all. He wants to argue — “Boner? What are you talking about? Don’t be so full of yourself.” — but he doesn’t need to glance down to know you’re right.
“D–don’t hang up,” Eren says, curt and a little unsteady. Humiliation rises in him like hot air at the sound of his own desperation, oblivious to how he’s playing right into your hand.
You smile, absentmindedly caressing Armin’s shoulders and torso, a wordless way of reminding him you’re still paying attention to him, but also a silent demand to stop squirming. “So bossy,” you say, like you’re scolding a child. “A ‘please’ would be nice, you know.”
The true nature of your words swells under the surface — an underlying threat. Not everything is as it seems in the world, and this is not just a suggestion or a statement, nor a throwaway thought that you happened to voice out loud. This is an order.
Whether or not Eren obeys, however, is a different story. He casts his gaze down to his lap, where the outline of his hard cock is visible through his sweatpants, along with a dot of precum, soaked through two layers and much too soon for what can be considered normal. He wonders what you would say at such a sight, what kind of expression you’d make — but that simple wonder is really just yearning in disguise, and Eren decides then, that complying is the only way he can get remotely close to satisfying that yearning.
He couldn’t disobey if he wanted to — and he really didn’t want to.
So, “Please,” he finally says. Less reluctantly this time.
“Atta boy!” you chirp, though only in a partially condescending tone. You’re sure that given Eren’s personality, he’d typically be fighting back a little more, flashing a bit more attitude or snark, but — whether it’s you, Armin, the situation or some combination of those things — something must have his head too clouded with arousal to try denying himself this.
Beneath you, Armin whines.
You turn your focus back to him. “Is my boy getting impatient? Or jealous, maybe?” you tease, caressing the apple of his cheek with the backs of your knuckles.
His eyes shutter closed as he leans into your touch and whines again, further back in his throat, but loud enough that you’re certain his phone still picks up on it. “Please,” he says, delicately, as if trying to find his voice, or perhaps the courage to speak at all.
Armin is unfortunately your weak spot and with Eren at your disposal, to mess with and be cruel to, you lack the heart to tease your lover any further.
“I’m sorry for neglecting you, darling.” You lean down and kiss him gently. “I’m here, I’m listening. Tell me what you need.”
His face glows pink; he hesitates.
You catch on.
“It’s okay, don’t be shy,” you soothe him, petting his hair. With your other hand, you make the calculated decision to bring the device closer to your mouth. “Eren needs to know how to be a good, obedient boy, after all–” You trail your fingers down the contours of Armin’s cheek to his chin and tenderly hold it– “and who better to demonstrate than you, my sweet thing?”
Across the line, the breath suspended in Eren’s throat, that he’s been holding back in fear of interrupting the scene he feels so ashamed for listening to, suddenly sputters out of him like gas out of a clogged car exhaust. Because, fuck, he was not prepared to hear you say his name just then. To suddenly make it personal; to swing open the door on this private, intimate, closed-door moment between you and your boyfriend, his best friend.
He wasn’t but he should have been. He’s heard and witnessed enough about your dynamic with Armin, as well as fallen victim to your friendly bullying and teasing himself, enough to know you’re not somebody who passes up an opportunity to see a person scramble and fluster. He should’ve known better than to think he could get away with being a passive player in this game of yours; that it was only a matter of time before you dragged him back, by the collar and leash you managed to lasso around his mind in the short duration of this call, and threw him out on the playing field as an active participant instead of a mere spectator.
Sure, you can’t actually see each other, but the phones in your hands are a constant reminder that every word comes with a plural audience and every miniscule sound may or may not be audible to the other side. That alone does its wonders, but here you are the gamemaster and you wield the power to do more; to take matters into your own hands, to bend, knead and shape them to your will. And you’re no amateur; you know exactly where to sink your fingers, how much pressure to apply and when to press harder or let go, so that you have not one, but two pliant putties in your palm.
“Now...” You sigh and shift your position on Armin’s cock. It garners the exact reaction you were aiming for — a warbled moan — and one that will surely leave its mark on the third pair of ears in the room with you. “Let me and Eren hear what you need, baby. Show us how a good boy uses his words.”
Armin sucks in his bottom lip and inhales a steadying breath through his nose. “I...” He swallows. “I want you to move.” His eyes, though hooded, noticeably drop to where the two of you are connected. “I want you to– to fuck me ‘til I can’t think. Please?” His voice is high, desperate, quivering. Clammy hands paw at your thighs. “I just can’t– I can’t take it. I can’t take waiting anymore, I need– I need you to fuck me and make me come, I need– y–you, I need you, please.”
A shaky groan interrupts through Armin’s phone.
You smirk, let the noise steep in the silence you make for it, to marinate in your own satisfaction, so he might think, for just a moment, that you didn’t notice, before leaning into the speaker.
“Eren,” you say innocently, and you think you hear a sharp breath in response, “I hope you’re not touching yourself right now.”
Nothing. Only background noise.
“You’re not, are you? You know that would be bad, right?” you continue. “And worse, if you lie to me about it.”
All you hear is a quiet exhale and the distant hum of what might be the AC.
You lower the phone. “Tell him why it would be bad, Armin.”
Armin’s eyes never once leave yours as he answers, “Because you didn’t give permission.”
“That’s right.” You smile at your boy and stroke his hair in approval. “Be honest then, Eren,” you resume. “Were you? Touching yourself?”
As you wait, you watch anticipation, glimmering with an edge of hope, grow in Armin’s eyes.
A heavy breath. Then, a low, gravelly, guilty, “Yeah.”
You emphasise your disappointment with a long sigh. “Mm. See, this is exactly why Armin has to set an example for you,” you reprimand, your hand still brushing over messy blond hair. “He’s doing you a favour and you’re not even paying attention? Just getting distracted by your cock like that’s all you can think about?” You drop a lock of hair that you were twirling around your finger. “It probably is, isn’t it?” you scoff. “God, you’re so fucking pathetic.”
Excitement passes through Eren like a tidal wave. His hand is still resting over his crotch, fingertips over his balls and palm under the head of his cock. He doesn’t quite understand why he’s so smitten by your words nor why he craves to hear more of them, but he does. And he’s willing to chase after it — to do anything, really — if it means he’ll get more.
“Hands off your dick, Eren.”
Another order, this one large and unsympathetic, leaving no room for doubt or defiance.
His hand retreats, shamefully, as if you were really there, as if you had caught him red-handed with your own two eyes and are now observing him to make sure he does as he’s told.
“I don’t care how hard you get or how bad you want to come. Your full, undivided attention stays on this phone call and nothing else,” you explain, as if you’re just talking about the weather. “Have I made myself clear?”
Eren swallows and hums his affirmation before quickly correcting himself.
“Yes.”
And unbeknownst to you, he has to cut himself off at the polite honorific that almost follows, the same way a person might catch themself about to call their teacher ‘Mom’. Somewhere in the firm, instructional tone and the ease with which you hand out commands, it felt like a natural addition, but not one that Eren, nor even his already dwindling dignity and pride, are ready for.
But rather than bestowing him the praise, the infamous pet name that you’ve been taunting him with, for his agreeable behaviour, you grace Eren with no more than a simple clinical, “Good,” and an air of finality followed by a thunk as you set the phone on the nightstand.
When you sit back to face Armin, with his hair all mussed, cheeks flushed and lips tinted red from constant worrying between his teeth, you’re unable to suppress your grin.
“Hey,” you whisper.
Armin grins back, full of teeth and that pinch in the corners of his eyes that you love. “Hi,” he returns with a chuckle. You steal a quick kiss amidst the soft laughter before hooking your thumbs behind the back of Armin’s knees and rocking forward and up. You both sigh with the movement, then again, when you move backward and down.
Armin’s head lolls back into the pillows, unfurling a column of pale skin before you. “Fuck,” he gasps out. His hand slaps down over one of yours and the other digs blunt nails into your waist.
You move again. Faster.
“Oh, fuck–”
Again. Harder.
Another cry, another expletive.
Hearing, seeing, experiencing your boyfriend rapt with ecstasy and useless to conceal it fills you with a glee that borders on manic.
“I love your reactions so much, Armin,” you rasp; a confession you’ve made countless times, every time, but that never fails to make your beloved blush. “And I love that they’re all mine. You’re so perfect, I love you so much.”
His next stream of sounds melts on your tongue as you kiss him eagerly. “Always so pretty and vocal,” you say in the breaths between yours and Armin’s panting mouths. “So good for me, aren’t you? Only for me. Only me and Eren get to know you like this.”
You grind down into Armin’s erratic thrusts until you’re all but fused together each time you meet. Your hands roam; crawling up to cradle his jaw, dragging down to toy with his nipples, jumping to his legs and pushing until he’s folded under your weight and clutching your hair in a wanton fist.
You reluctantly part from him to return to a more comfortable position above him while Armin’s hands clamber to secure his knees in place for you — always aiming to heed your every whim, even the ones you don’t voice. Your own hands layer over his as you slow down, drawing circles with your pelvis. Steady, smooth, sensual. Savouring the feeling of being so close to him.
You long to be closer, still.
So you move yourself up, off his cock, push his legs down and back onto the mattress, help him sit up. The entire time, Armin is just gazing up at you with glazed-over yet still-adoring eyes, up until you’re straddling his lap and he registers what you’re doing. Then he becomes your grateful devotee, chanting a breathy chorus of ‘Yes’s and ‘Thank you’s and encasing you in his arms as you welcome him back inside you. You hush his sweet cacophony with the hungry embrace of your lips, catching whimpers and fragments of love declarations, as you ride him with fervour. Every so often, you slow down and tease, just to prolong your unified bliss, but the sporadic fluctuations drive Armin insane.
He makes a noise like he’s overjoyed and on the verge of sobbing at the same time. “You’re– fuck, you’re so good to me, I love you, I– ah, shit, I love you so much!”
In Eren’s grip, the back of his phone is damp with his sweat. He’s addicted to the sound of you and Armin, the words you share, the moans you make together. He wants you both so carnally yet he couldn’t be happier than where he is now, forced to clench slippery fingers around the fabric of his sweatpants, far from where he’s aching for relief. Entirely dependent on his imagination to pair images with what he can hear. It’s cruel and heavenly. The more it drags on, the more he’s convinced he could come right there in his briefs. Untouched.
“Can– can I come? Please? I’m so close, I– I’m losing my fucking mind,” Armin babbles against your neck.
You nuzzle his temple while your fingers rake through his undercut. “Me too, let’s– let’s come together, okay?”
Armin nods frantically against your skin until tears breach the barrier of his waterline and he’s coming inside you with a muffled moan. You’re right there with him, head thrown back as your hands form fists in Armin’s hair. His arms, enveloped all the way around you, squeeze you from the tension of his full-body orgasm before falling slack at your sides.
As Armin slumps against the headboard, you catch your breath and reach for the phone. Over the sounds of pleasure earlier, you couldn’t tell if the line was silent or if your little voyeur of a friend had hung up. You’re pleased to see his name still aglow on the screen.
“Enjoy the show?” you quip. Though the unfitting conversational lilt to your voice throws Eren for a loop, that’s not why he chooses to remain quiet. Compliant as he’s been, he refuses to indulge your ego any more than he has to — but you expected that, so you simply move on to the question you did want answered.
“Did you keep your hands off your cock like I told you to?”
Armin perks up at that, curious as you are about what the answer will be. With bated breath, you both wait, but the tense silence is disturbed by Armin’s phone vibrating. You are about to ignore it until you recognise the sender of the message — and notice that it contains an attached image. Your eyebrows arch up your forehead at the bold gesture, but you tap the intriguing notification nonetheless.
Nestled just below the last exchange of innocent messages with his best friend, is a photograph of Eren Jaeger’s hard cock, straining against grey boxer briefs and lewdly framed by a circular patch of damp fabric.
“This is what it looks like... without you touching it?” you say, wearing a shit-eating smirk that is sure to translate into your tone.
“Yes,” Eren hisses through gritted teeth; a hybrid of embarrassed frustration and the ever-present need for release.
You giggle and show Armin the photo. “He sent us a fucking dick pic, Armin, can you believe that? Our little show must’ve really done a number on him, wow.”
The subject of your appraisal sighs and shakes his head at your mocking antics, but by the size of his pupils you can tell he isn’t unaffected by the image.
You take another look at it, but the most you feel is amused. “Barely even touched himself and he’s got a precum stain that big, that’s hilarious,” you snicker.
As though he can sense Eren’s humiliation through the phone (it’s quite palpable, really), Armin mercifully defends him. “He’s been good though, right?”
Disappointed by Armin ruining your fun, you pull a face. “I guess.” But then, struck with an idea, it morphs into an impish grin and you lean forward, hand on his chest, as you exaggeratedly purr, “But not as good as youuu, babycakes~”
“Pfft!” Armin pushes you away half-heartedly. You relent and manoeuvre around him. “God, that is terrible. It’s like you’re not even trying,” he jokingly criticises, but cups your face as you lean in to kiss him anyway. You decide to nip his bottom lip and tug at it, still feeling playful, but when you part, Armin is staring at you with an intensity that warms you more than a harmless joke should. You kiss him again, a little harder, a little longer. Breathing a little heavier.
“Can...”
Right. You almost forgot you have company.
With much reluctance, you tear your focus away from your boyfriend. “Mm, what is it?”
Eren hesitates for a second before asking, “Can I, um, touch now?” His desperation is evident in the gruff quality of his voice. “Please?”
All too familiar with what you’re like, Armin gives you a pointed look and mouthes, ‘Be nice.’
Rolling your eyes, you take a moment to think, then say, “Send us a video of you edging yourself three times and I’ll think about it,” before tacking on a quick, “See you Friday!” and abruptly ending the call.
Armin stares at you in shock for a few seconds, then shouts your name scoldingly. “I told you to be nice!”
You gasp and cover your mouth in faux-alarm. “No way, is that what you said? I totally thought you were saying ‘mean ice’, that’s so crazy how that got lost in translation...” You keep your mouth covered to hide your growing smile.
Armin frowns at you, or tries to at least; he ends up smiling too. “You’re so mean sometimes.” He lightly pinches your cheek. You swat away his hand. “I ought to keep you in check more.”
You scoff and snake your arms around Armin’s neck. “You wouldn’t dare. I know you like it when I’m mean.”
Armin mutters a small, “Only in moderation,” that is meant to be assertive but gets lost somewhere under the scope of your bewitching gaze. Even though you’ve been dating for years, he still falters in moments like these. Too adorable.
Giggling, you seize his lips in a kiss — one that is only the prelude to the sequel of your passionate night ahead.
More Posts from Reinam00n and Others
Cock Block
masterlist!
synopsis: from what she could tell, Joel didn’t mean to be as annoying as he was. But after all, he was a father through and through, and what is a father if not a massive cock block? (18+ themes ahead!)
pairings: ellie williams x reader
Ellie was a decent romantic when she wanted to be—she knew you liked star gazing, knew you liked a bonfire, knew that one time when she and Joel were out on patrol and found a bag of marshmallows and something called ‘pre-made s’mores,’ and knew that the face you had made when she had offered a ‘s’more’ and then tried it was a face so beautiful she never wanted to forget it.
So naturally she planned a whole night. Just you and her, a bonfire in Joel’s backyard, a blanket, some slightly stale s’mores, and the comfortable knowledge that Joel would be out with Tommy and Maria until well past midnight.
She had been so excited, her hands up your shirt, un clipping your bra as your own hands tangled in her short hair, her lips moving hungrily against yours. Your breath hitched as she trailed her kisses lower down your jaw and neck, her fingers dancing along your waist, the warmth of the fire flickering across her flushed skin.
And then—
CLANG.
The sound of metal dropping against concrete shattered the moment. Ellie froze. You froze. Both of you turned your heads just in time to see Joel, standing awkwardly by the back door, a set of tools spilled out at his feet.
“The hell are y’all doin’?” He asked, raising an eyebrow, and Ellie swore under her breath.
“What the fuck are you doing?” She shot back, scrambling to sit up and subtly smoothing down your shirt.
Joel scratched the back of his neck, entirely oblivious (or just choosing to ignore) the murder in Ellie’s eyes. “Tommy’s got a busted sink. Though I left my wrench set back here.” He bent down, picking up the tools one by one. “Didn’t mean to—uh—interrupt,”
“You always interrupt,” Ellie muttered.
Joel paused, looking up with that signature dad squint. “What was that, young lady?”
“Nothing,” Ellie mumbled, running a hand down her face.
Joel finally gathered his tools, gave you both a nod, and disappeared back inside. The second the door clicked shut, Ellie groaned, collapsing onto your lap.
“I swear to god, he’s got some sixth sense for this shit,” she whined. “He wasn’t even supposed to be here!”
You giggled, running your fingers through her hair. “Maybe he just wanted to make sure we weren’t burning the house down.”
Ellie peeked up at you, deadpan. “Yeah? Well, the only thing on fire here is my frustration.”
——————————
You and Ellie had been curled up on the couch, a rare moment of peace between the two of you with patrols and chores. A movie—one of the few that Ellie liked—played in the background, but neither of you were paying attention. Ellie’s hands were resting dangerously low on your hips, your lips against her neck, trailing soft, open-mouthed kisses that sent shivers down her spine.
She exhaled sharply, tilting her head back to give you more access. “Ellie,” you murmured, gripping her tank top and tugging her closer.
“Yeah?” Her voice was low, breathy. Her fingers started sliding beneath the waistband of your jeans—
The front door creaked open.
“Ellie?”
You practically leapt off the couch, the two of you scrambling to look as normal as possible. Joel stood in the doorway, taking off his jacket, completely unaware of the moment he had just ruined.
Ellie gritted her teeth. “Joel.”
Joel furrowed his brows. “What?”
Ellie forced a tight smile that he definitely could tell was painfully not real. “Didn’t you say you were going to the bar?”
“Yeah, but I forgot my hat.” He walked right past you both, grabbing his old, worn out stupid cowboy hat from the kitchen table. “Y’all are actin’ weird.”
You cleared your throat, cheeks burning. “Nope. Just—watching a movie.”
Joel squinted at the TV, where a paused scene of some Star Wars movie was frozen on the screen. He hummed, clearly not convinced. “Your aunt know you’re out here messin’ around?”
“Yes sir,” You said with a mock salute, and he nodded, not saying anything as he adjusted his hat and headed back out.
The second the door closed, Ellie buried her face in her hands.
“This is a curse,” she muttered.
————————————
It had been an exhausting day—long patrol back weather, and a particularly nasty clicker encounter. By the time you and Ellie got back to Jackson, all either of you wanted was a hot shower.
Ellie, being the ever-so-generous girlfriend, had offered to let you go first. But the second you stepped into the steaming water, she apparently decided that waiting was overrated.
“Mind if I join?” Ellie’s voice called through the bathroom door, a teasing lilt to it.
You barely had time to register what was happening before the door creaked open and Ellie stepped inside, a wicked grin on her face. “Saves water, y’know. Gotta do our part for the environment.”
You rolled your eyes but couldn’t stop the way your heart pounded as she started pulling off her shirt, eyes roaming her toned torso. “Uh-huh. Despite the climate change problem being solved by the world ending, that’s very responsible of you.”
She winked, stepping toward the shower. “Just doing my civic duty.”
Her hands were on the clasp of her bra when—
Knock, knock, knock.
“Ellie, you in there?”
Joel.
Ellie let out a strangled groan. “Are you serious right now?”
The door handle jiggled, and Ellie yanked her shirt back on in frustration. “What, Joel?”
“You left your damn jacket on the porch. It’s rainin,’ and I ain’t about to have you gettin’ sick.”
Ellie pinched the bridge of her nose. “Joel, I do not care about my jacket right now.”
There was a long silence.
“You, uh… you decent?”
Ellie turned to you, her expression pure suffering. You just bit your lip, suppressing a laugh.
“Yes, Joel. I’m decent.”
The door cracked open just enough for him to toss the damp jacket inside before it shut again.
“You’re welcome,” Joel called before his footsteps faded down the hall.
Ellie just stood there for a moment, hands clenched into fists at her sides. “I swear to god—”
You patted her arm sympathetically. “We have the worst luck.”
She let out a dramatic sigh, climbing into the shower behind you. “This is beyond luck. This is divine intervention.”
——————————
It had officially become ridiculous.
Ellie was done playing it cool. Done brushing it off as bad timing. Done with the constant interruptions.
So when she finally managed to get you alone in her room, with the door locked, no patrol duties, no chores, and no Joel anywhere in sight—she took full advantage.
She had you pressed against the bed, her lips moving feverishly against yours, fingers slipped up the hem of your shirt. You moaned into her touch, hands gripping her hoodie as she pressed you impossibly further into the mattress.
Fucking finally.
And then—
Knock, knock, kncck!
Ellie froze.
Your eyes widened in horror. “No. No way.”
“Ellie?”
Ellie let out a guttural, borderline inhuman noise.
“I swear to god, Joel, if you—”
“You left the lights on in the kitchen,” Joel called through the door. “Electricity ain’t free, kiddo.”
Ellie pulled away from you, running both hands down her face. “We live off hydroelectric power—it is free.”
There was a brief pause.
“You better not be doin’ anything stupid in there.”
“Joel,” Ellie growled.
You bit your lip, trying not to laugh as Joel continued.
“You got protection, at least?”
“OH MY GOD.” Ellie practically launched herself off the bed. “Joel, we can’t even get pregnant!”
Silence. Then, Joel muttered, almost to himself—
“Knowin’ you, I think a miracle could happen.”
Ellie gaped at the door, hands raised in pure, unfiltered exasperation. “You are literally, clinically insane.”
“Just sayin’.”
Ellie banged her forehead against the door. “Do you have some plan to make sure I get no action until I’m forty!?”
“Alright, alright. Y’all be safe.”
His footsteps retreated down the hall.
Ellie turned back to you, looking completely, utterly done. You just stared at her, then burst into laughter.
“This isn’t funny,” she whined.
“It’s very funny.”
Ellie flopped onto the bed beside you, staring at the ceiling. “I’m moving out. I’m gonna build a cabin in the woods. No dads allowed.”
You grinned, leaning over to kiss her. “I’ll visit.”
She turned her head to look at you, eyes softening just a little. “…you better.”
—————————————
Ellie got some action next Thursday at 3:43 p.m. while Tommy and Joel had gone out on a fishing trip. When you found Ellie’s journal opened to a page with a sketch of your face, you saw it read; ‘mmmm, sweet victory! Pussy never tasted so good!’
im a wreck. The house was empty when she got back.
If you liked this one shot, please check out my other series!
𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐧! 𝐕𝐢𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮
⇢ 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐝𝐨𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭, 𝐦𝐝𝐧𝐢, 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐣𝐚𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤, 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠/ 𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 (𝐕𝐢𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐫)
𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 (╥╯^╰╥) 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐦𝐠.
Viktor had always been terrified of this moment. He could lecture for hours about the intricacies of hextech, dissect complex equations in his sleep, and manipulate delicate machinery with perfect precision. But this? This was an entirely different realm of knowledge—one he had never properly studied, never experienced.
And yet, here you were. Naked, warm, and soft beneath him, looking at him with so much love and want that it made his head spin. His heart pounded so violently against his ribs that he was sure you could hear it.
His fingers trembled as they traced the curve of your hip, his touch featherlight as if he were afraid you’d disappear. His golden eyes roamed your body, lingering on the swell of your breasts, the softness of your stomach, the way your legs were spread just for him.
“I—I do not know if I can do this properly,” he admitted, his voice breathless, shaky. “I do not want to disappoint you.”
You smiled, reaching up to cradle his face. “You won’t, baby,” you whispered, pressing a slow, lingering kiss to his lips. “We’ll go at your pace.”
His cock—hard and aching, flushed a deep, desperate red—throbbed against your thigh, leaking precum onto your skin. He twitched every time he shifted, overwhelmed by even the slightest friction. You hadn’t even touched him properly yet, and he was already panting, already trembling like a leaf.
Your hand slid down between your bodies, wrapping around the base of his cock, and Viktor whined.
A high, broken sound punched out of his chest, his hips jerking forward on instinct. His cock twitched violently in your grasp, so sensitive that just the slightest movement had him gasping.
“Oh—ohhh,” he choked out, forehead pressing against your shoulder as he struggled to hold himself together. “I—I do not—ahhh—”
You stroked him slowly, teasing his tip with your thumb, smearing his precum over the flushed head. He twitched again, another helpless little whimper spilling from his lips.
“Feels good, baby?” you cooed, kissing the side of his face.
Viktor could only nod frantically, breath coming in quick, desperate pants. “T-too good,” he admitted, his voice wrecked, almost pained with how much he needed more.
You guided him between your legs, his cock pressed against your soaked entrance. The moment he felt your slickness, his entire body shuddered, another whimper escaping him.
“You wanna be inside me, don’t you, Vik?” you whispered, voice dripping with sweetness, teasing.
He groaned, hips jerking forward on instinct. “Yes—yes, please,” he gasped. “I need—”
You lined him up and guided his cock forward, pressing his tip just barely inside your cunt. The sensation was immediate, electric—hot, wet, tight.
Viktor sobbed.
A loud, broken moan tore from his throat, his body convulsing as pleasure crashed over him like a tidal wave. His fingers dug into your hips, his thighs shaking so hard you thought they might give out.
“Ohhh—ahhh—fuck—” His voice cracked, his body tensing. “It—it is too much—I cannot—”
“Shhh, baby,” you soothed, running your fingers through his damp curls. “Breathe for me.”
He gasped against your neck, struggling for control, but the heat of your cunt was unbearable. You were gripping him so perfectly, pulling him deeper, sucking him in, and he was so fucking sensitive.
His hips twitched, his cock sliding another inch inside, and he whined—high-pitched, desperate, needy. “Ohh—ohhh, I am going to—”
“Not yet, baby,” you cooed, gripping his waist, steadying him. “You can take it, I know you can.”
Viktor clenched his jaw, shaking as he pushed in deeper, inch by inch, his thighs trembling with effort. “I—it feels—” His breath hitched, another broken moan slipping out. “I do not—ahhh—”
You stroked his back, whispering soft reassurances. “You’re doing so good, baby. Just relax.”
He let out a shaky breath, finally burying himself to the hilt inside you, his cock pulsing wildly, twitching like he was already on the edge. His forehead pressed against yours, his eyes squeezed shut, his body tense with the effort of holding himself back.
And then you clenched around him—just a little, just enough to tease—
And Viktor broke.
“Ohhh—ohh, fuck—” His entire body spasmed, and before he could stop it, before he could even think, he was cumming.
Hard.
His hips jerked forward uncontrollably, burying himself even deeper as his cock throbbed violently inside you. A desperate, strangled sob tore from his throat as he spilled, hot spurts of cum flooding your cunt, painting your insides with thick, messy ropes.
He tried to keep moving, tried to fuck you through it, but his body betrayed him, his strength giving out as he collapsed against you, panting, trembling, his cock still twitching, still pulsing inside your warm heat.
“I—I did not mean to—” His voice was high, weak, breathless. “I—it was too much—”
You kissed the top of his head, still stroking his back, soothing him. “It’s okay, baby,” you murmured. “You did so good.”
Viktor groaned softly, still catching his breath, but when he shifted, when he felt the wetness between your thighs—his own cum spilling out, mixing with your slick—he whimpered.
“I can go again,” he mumbled, voice wrecked, needy. “Please—I need to—”
You smiled, already feeling his cock harden inside you again.
“Good,” you whispered, nipping at his jaw. “Because we’re not done yet.”
Viktor was still trembling, still trying to catch his breath, but his cock was already hardening inside you again, twitching with oversensitivity. His golden eyes were glassy, his curls damp with sweat, his face still flushed a deep, helpless red.
“I—I can do better,” he murmured against your skin, voice hoarse, wrecked. “I can—I can make you cum“
“You will make me cum, baby,” you whispered, kissing his temple, your fingers running through his curls, tugging gently at the roots. He whimpered at the sensation, his hips twitching instinctively, pushing deeper inside your still-soaked cunt.
He gasped, gripping your waist tighter, trying to keep himself steady. “Fuck—I do not know how.”
You smiled, shifting beneath him, grinding your hips up against him. He sobbed, his entire body jolting, his cock throbbing violently inside you.
“I’ll teach you, baby,” you cooed, wrapping your legs around his waist, locking him in place. “You’re gonna fuck me, and I’m gonna show you how to do it right.”
Viktor nodded frantically, desperate to please, to learn, to be good for you. He braced himself on shaking arms, his fingers digging into the sheets beside your head.
“Move, baby,” you urged, guiding his hips with your hands. “Slow at first.”
He let out a shuddering breath, pulling back slightly, his cock dragging against your soaked walls. The sensation made him whimper, his thighs shaking, his body instinctively wanting to rut deeper, faster—
But he listened.
He thrust forward again—slow, tentative, testing.
Then again.
“Ohhh—fuck—” His breath hitched, his voice cracking on the last syllable. “You are so—so tight—so warm—”
His rhythm was shaky, unsteady, but he was trying. His brow furrowed in concentration, his lips parted as he focused on the feeling of your pussy gripping his cock, the way you clenched around him, the wet, obscene sounds filling the room.
You kissed his jaw, whispering encouragements. “Just like that, baby. That’s so good. Give me more.”
His hips snapped forward, a little harder this time, and you moaned—really moaned.
Viktor’s eyes widened, his entire body jolting at the sound. His breath hitched, his cock throbbing at the realization that he had made you do that.
He wanted to hear it again.
He did it again.
Harder.
Your moan was louder this time, your fingers tightening in his hair, your nails dragging down his back. Viktor whined, his body shuddering as pleasure coiled tight in his stomach.
“Oh—ohhh,” he choked out, his hips moving faster now, more desperate, more eager. “You—you sound so perfect“
You clenched around him, and Viktor yelped, his rhythm faltering as he nearly came again right then and there.
You smiled against his neck, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses to his damp skin. “Faster, baby,” you urged. “Fuck me harder.”
Viktor groaned, dropping his forehead to your shoulder, his hips snapping into you, the wet slap of skin on skin filling the air. His cock was so thick inside you, stretching you perfectly, hitting deep with every messy thrust.
“Like—like this?” he gasped, voice high, desperate.
“Yes, baby,” you moaned, rolling your hips up to meet his. “Just like that. You feel so fucking good, Viktor.”
He let out a breathy, needy moan, his pace stuttering, his body already on the verge of unraveling. He was learning, but he was still so fucking sensitive, and every squeeze of your cunt made his eyes roll back, made him whimper and shake.
“I—I am—I cannot—” He let out a frantic little sob, his cock twitching violently inside you. “I will—ahhh—will not last—”
“You’re gonna make me cum first, baby,” you purred, reaching down to guide his hand to your clit. “Rub me right here—just like this.”
He obeyed immediately, his fingers moving in hesitant little circles. The moment he felt the way you jerked, the way your breath hitched, he whimpered, his cock twitching at the knowledge that he was finally making you feel good.
“Ohh—Gods” he gasped, rubbing faster, trying so hard to be perfect for you.
“Yes, baby, just like that—don’t stop—”
He didn’t.
His hips stuttered, his thrusts turning messy, frantic, desperate as he chased both your pleasure and his own. His whimpers became full-fledged whines, his body shaking, his fingers clumsy but eager as he worked your clit, his cock pounding into you so deep—
And then you clenched around him—
And Viktor lost his mind.
He sobbed, his entire body convulsing, his cock throbbing violently inside you. “I—I—ohhh, fuck—”
His hips faltered, and you took over, gripping his waist, forcing him to keep fucking you, forcing him deeper, faster.
“Don’t stop, baby,” you commanded, your voice tight, on the edge. “I’m almost there.”
Viktor whimpered, completely at your mercy, letting you use him, letting you take what you needed. His body was too weak, too fucked out to resist, his arms barely holding him up.
And then— “Fuck—Viktor—”
You came. Your walls squeezed him so tight, so wet, so perfect, and Viktor screamed, his hips jerking wildly as he came with you, his body locking up, his cum spilling deep inside you in thick, desperate ropes.
His vision blurred, his ears ringing, his mind blanking as waves of unbearable pleasure overtook him.
He barely registered himself whimpering, barely noticed how he collapsed onto you, his body completely boneless, his arms too weak to support himself.
All he knew was you.
Your arms wrapped around him, your fingers running through his damp hair, your lips pressing soft, soothing kisses to his temple.
“You did so good, baby,” you whispered, voice filled with love. “So good for me.”
Viktor sobbed softly against your skin, his entire body twitching, overstimulated, wrecked. “I—I can’t—” His words slurred together, his breath coming in short, shallow pants. “Too—too much—I—”
“Shhh,” you soothed, cradling him close, rocking him gently. “I’ve got you, baby. Just breathe.”
Viktor clung to you, whimpering, his cock still buried inside your fluttering cunt, his body completely spent.
And for the first time in his life, he felt truly, utterly satisfied.
𝐦𝐝𝐧𝐢.
can't stop imagining how it'd feel to bounce on ellie's strap. she lets you preside, and prepares herself: waiting with a stupid grin and an open lap, she spits in her palm with audible ejection. “ptuh!” the glob is balled into a fist, then slathered down the forest-green length of her cock, adding dull shine to the veins. she observes, with indolent, low-lidded eyes, as you bring a leg over and your bare form melts with immediate ease; her lap is warm; a sigh lulls out. those thigh muscles tense under the pressure—the soft pressure of you pinning her further into the couch cushion.
she stares up and chuckles, “gonna put it in?” the obvious question. affirming it made her heart rush and her flesh whir with anticipation—she paws your waist to calm it, or attempt to. you shift through the gaps of her grip, replacing it with your hips that come up and angle above that tip. “am i going to?” you whisper, a delayed reply. god, you ruin this girl.
ellie shudders, tortured, her freckled cheeks flushed in red, watching the length disappear inside your hole. a long moan pushes her throat open. “ohh—fuck babe.” she comprehends how wet you true-as-hell are when her cock slides out, and your folds drag along them, painting a filthier gloss in their wake. she has to swallow herself. “fuck,” biting her lip and cursing again—since it's all she seems to remember; that single syllable. “how the fuck can you take all that?” the girl under you behaves like a congregant, and you, the god. the sounds of flesh slapping together fill the room before she can match your momentum. hurried hands travel your curves, grope your thighs and pull the flesh, spreading your cunt to make it simple; she fucks you right back—encouraged. “so f-fuckin' ho-ot babe. uhn-uh-uh, fuck!” not to mention: her cunt throbbing at the sight of your bouncing tits, and yours at hers, lined up with her needless thrusts. you're eager to shut her loud mouth with them.
𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭.
These two saved the world btw
my favorite genre of fictional character is like "i am terrifying to almost everyone, i'm very good at killing, i can endure anything, i've become exceptionally good at playing into my reputation, and if you try to give me positive social interaction i will react with confusion and cower in a corner like an abused animal. and i may try to shoot you. but there is also a chance i may imprint on you like a feral dog receiving its first loving touch! good luck."
dad n' daughter (sorry joel)
i promised you 🦋
(crossposting from x, bsky, & ig)
BIG WINGS
Art not mine
what it’s like to bring the jjk boys to…have dinner with your family!
ft. fushiguro megumi, fushiguro toji, gojo satoru, geto suguru, ijichi kyotaka, inumaki toge, itadori yuji, kamo choso, kamo noritoshi, mahito, muta kokichi, nanami kento, okkotsu yuta, panda, ryomen sukuna, todo aoi, yaga masamichi, yoshino junpei, zenin naoya
warnings: not all of these are romantic! reader is lowkey desi coded in some of them. reader is mentioned to have a brother, dogs, aunts/uncles, and cousins in some of them. reader slanders like 75% of the characters. honestly the characters might be ooc too i wrote this two years ago for fun and giggles and just found it again and wanted to post. also tw naoya!
FUSHIGURO MEGUMI
Literally perfect
Your parents love him
Your dogs love him
You love him
Was kind of quiet at first but settled in eventually and opened up a bit
Was still kind of reserved but that’s to be expected from him
Your mother found it sweet that he tried to hide behind you when your uncles started interrogating getting to know him
He let your younger cousins play with his shikigami so that your dogs could get a break from being bothered
Really liked the salad your mother made and asked for the recipe
1000/10
FUSHIGURO TOJI
Actually not too bad
Was polite enough and liked the food
Showed your parents pictures of Megumi as a baby
They were suitably impressed
Your cousin asked him where he goes to the gym
He told him he doesn’t believe in gyms (thinks they’re oppressive institutions designed to disadvantage the poor?)
Did give him a discount code for some random protein powder that he’s sponsored by though
Asked your parents to donate to his charity
They were happy to do so and thought it was amazing that he has a charity
You decided not to tell them that his “charity” is literally just his bank account
4/10 for scamming your family
GOJO SATORU
Solid 7/10
Goofs around a lot but he did come so he gets points for that
Your parents hated him at first but then he showed them the album of cute Megumi pictures he has saved on his phone and they switched up
“He’s so responsible for raising a kid so young! And it’s not even his!”
Bullshit
He does NOT raise Megumi and you were the one who sent him half of those pictures
Demoted to a 6/10 just for that but at least your parents like him
Also the fact that he had an album was cute
Somehow managed to keep the dirty jokes to a minimum
Your brother kept making fun of his eyes being so blue so halfway through he had to switch the glasses out for the blindfold
Surprisingly high spice tolerance
GETO SUGURU
Honestly really a fun guy!
Actually brought his own dish to the dinner??
AND IT WAS GOOD????
Your mother wants you two to get married now
Asked if he could take some leftovers back for Mimiko and Nanako
Which was very considerate of him actually
Your mother told him he didn’t have to return the dishes she packed the food in
Let your brother win at Scrabble
Listened to your mother talk about the auntie drama
Apparently he’s going to start putting coconut oil in his hair now
Your parents are going to adopt him and kick you out
9/10 would’ve been higher but he didn’t beat your brother’s ass at Scrabble (he wanted to “make a good impression”)
IJICHI KYOTAKA
Similar to Nanami in that he and your father got along really well
Your brother called him “goofy”
He had to go to the bathroom and cry after that
He did compose himself and came back to eat
Can handle spicy food quite well
Complimented your mother’s cooking
Brought flowers as a thank you for the dinner
Was super sweet and grateful to be invited at all
11/10 would definitely invite him again
INUMAKI TOGE
Everyone was really excited to meet him
Let your cousins play with his hair and do his make up and paint his nails
Was your partner for Charades and you two won by a LOT
Kept sneaking treats to your dogs
Your mother ordered seafood for him because he could only speak in rice ball ingredients and she thought he really wanted salmon
He did eat it though
He would be a 10/10 but he accidentally used his Cursed Speech on your aunt so 8/10
ITADORI YUJI
Somehow lit the grill on fire
Managed to put it out but he did lose his eyebrows in the process unfortunately
Looked stupid without eyebrows
Spent most of his time hanging out with the little kids
Your family actually really liked him though
He’s too sweet to dislike
Helped wash the dishes and did not break any
7/10 because you almost had to call the fire department
KAMO CHOSO
Showed up an hour late
Was friendly but kinda nervous and awkward at first
Loved the food
He and your brother are best friends now
Genuinely he gets along better with your brother than with you
Impressed your father with his history knowledge
3/10 was too perfect and now your parents keep asking why you’re not more like him
KAMO NORITOSHI
He hates kids
Spent the entire first half running away from your cousins
Once he finally escaped he got along great with the adults
They really liked how responsible and mature he is
Thought it was impressive that he’s going to be the clan head
Your aunt told you that he was a keeper and you should “marry for money, hope for love”
Started crying when your mother asked him if she could hang up his jacket for him
It reminded him of his own mother who he was forced to leave as a kid
All of your aunts have unofficially adopted him now due to his tragic backstory
Deserves 10/10 just for being relatively normal
MAHITO
-892378/10 your parents couldn’t see him because he’s a curse
He was very happy to hear that and nearly destroyed your house
You had to call Geto halfway through to chase him off
Your family was thrilled to see Geto again though so at least there’s that??
MUTA KOKICHI
Sent a robot in his place obviously
Everyone wanted to know why you brought a robot to dinner
They thought you had hit a new low
You had to explain that Mechamaru was basically his body because of how weak his actual body was
Nobody believed you
-3/10 he was nice but it was overall a humiliating experience
NANAMI KENTO
Cannot eat anything spicy
Started tearing up at the appetizers alone
Had a massive stomach ache afterwards and his face was red for like twenty minutes
Your father liked talking to him about business and the economy and shit
Did not get scared when asked about his plans for the future
Actually has plans for the future
Your brother is kind of gay for him tbh (??) and threatened to marry him if you don’t
10/10 because he still finished everything on his plate so he didn’t seem rude even though he was lowkey dying
OKKOTSU YUTA
Tried his best
Your dogs tried to leave with him because they liked him so much
He brought gifts from Africa for your entire family
Did stop a toddler from getting kidnapped
Is physically really good at grilling but emotionally cannot handle the stress
Had a mental breakdown when you asked for a vegetable burger
Made the discovery that he really likes corn and proceeded to eat all of the corn you had bought for the night so nobody else got any
Summoned Rika and allowed your cousins to use her as their dress up doll
Rika was very nice and enjoyed the experience
She wants to be a fashion model now
2/10 he burnt your vegetable burger and you were really looking forward to having some corn
PANDA
Is a panda
Your younger cousins thought he was adorable
You got asked multiple times if he was a furry
5/10 he was only invited because he had nothing else to do and you had to chase him with a hose beforehand because he refused to bathe
RYOMEN SUKUNA
-1244129/10
An asshole but what’s new
Told your family to “go back to where you came from”
Degraded your parents
Degraded you
Degraded everyone really
You got into a fight with him and Gojo had to intervene
Did ask for one of your mother’s recipes so he could get Uraume to cook it for him
She did not give it to him
TODO AOI
See you thought this would be hell on earth
But it wasn’t???
Played with your dogs
Carried your cousins around on his shoulders
Your uncles were impressed by his muscles
He saved a kitten that was stuck in a tree
Did not ask a single person about their type in women
Annihilated everyone in Wii Sports Resort
Absolutely sucked at Just Dance though
He thought he was too manly for the wrist strap but then he threw the remote into the TV while playing Wii bowling and it broke
6/10 he said he’d pay for a new one
YAGA MASAMICHI
Literally your boss
Only invited him because you wanted a raise
He liked the food
Exchanged sewing tips with your mother
200/10 you got the raise
YOSHINO JUNPEI
Really cool!
Gave everyone good movie recommendations
Someone gave him a baby to hold and he nearly dropped it
Burnt his hand on the grill
Found your uncles’ shitty jokes funny so they all liked him
He was decent at debating with everyone and having intellectual conversations even though he cried whenever someone disagreed with him too harshly
Your parents were very dismayed to see the cigarette burn scars on his face
Your mother told him he could always come to your house if he needed to
4/10 because he almost gave a baby brain damage
ZENIN NAOYA
Told your parents about your sex life
Called your mother “woman”
Your cousins have a crush on him solely based on his looks
He thinks he has a harem now
0/10 they are all like 13 years old
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