ADHD is spending your whole life being told that you’re not doing your best and that you could do better if you tried harder and worked harder until you believe it yourself, becoming convinced that your your best work is actually only your average, and there’s a mythical, hypothetical, never-before-seen Your Best, which is surely the work of gods.
So you end up with this inflated ego and stalwart belief that you should be capable of curing cancer, discovering new planets, composing new opera pieces to take the world by storm, if you only tried harder. But for some inexplicable reason, you simply won’t put your mind and focus on it, and now you hate yourself for not being the spectacular specimen you were taught you ought to be.
And that’s why you end up having these conversations with your therapist where they are like “normal people don’t put this kind of demands and expectations on themselves”, and you dead seriously fucking answer
“Yes, but I’m not normal people.”
People, especially games, get eldritch madness wrong a lot and it’s really such a shame.
An ant doesn’t start babbling when they see a circuit board. They find it strange, to them it is a landscape of strange angles and humming monoliths. They may be scared, but that is not madness.
Madness comes when the ant, for a moment, can see as a human does.
It understands those markings are words, symbols with meaning, like a pheromone but infinitely more complex. It can travel unimaginable distances, to lands unlike anything it has seen before. It knows of mirth, embarrassment, love, concepts unimaginable before this moment, and then…
It’s an ant again.
Echoes of things it cannot comprehend swirl around its mind. It cannot make use of this knowledge, but it still remembers. How is it supposed to return to its life? The more the ant saw the harder it is for it to forget. It needs to see it again, understand again. It will do anything to show others, to show itself, nothing else in this tiny world matters.
This is madness.
My Place: Florence Welch
Of fucking course
What sick bastard doesn’t
Here’s some of my favorite comic book Moon Knight moments
edit: It has come to my attention that some of these are fake but i dont care because they’re hilarious and very in character and make me love him more
Wish i was drunk at a party explaining mgs to someone
Silent Hill 2 (Special 2 Disc Set) PAL Exclusive Came with special DVD that contained The Making of Silent Hill, art gallery, developer biographies, trailers and credits. Also came with 1 of 4 stickers.
The legacies people leave behind in you.
My handwriting is the same style as the teacher’s who I had when I was nine. I’m now twenty one and he’s been dead eight years but my i’s still curve the same way as his.
I watched the last season of a TV show recently but I started it with my friend in high school. We haven’t spoken in four years.
I make lentil soup through the recipe my gran gave me.
I curl my hair the way my best friend showed me.
I learned to love books because my father loved them first.
How terrifying, how excruciatingly painful to acknowledge this. That I am a jigsaw puzzle of everyone I have briefly known and loved. I carry them on with me even if I don’t know it. How beautiful.
Requiem pour un Vampire (1971)