The Last One Is Killing Me! 😂

Thanks to all of your amazing support, I've decided to start posting the "Archeologist Merlin and Immortal Camelot" au on ao3! Here's the first chapter, and I'll be updating it once a day! I hope you all enjoy! :D

A visual representation of what my mind looks like when I'm writing Merlin fics:

(Someone needs to take photoshop away from me at this point.)

A trilling trilogy from three different posts of mine:

I consider this a great achievement! I guess as a safety warning, you cannot drink tea or eat yogurt while reading my posts. Apparently they're a choking hazard!

Come back, I have to tell you the plot of a fic I’ll never write and get you excited about it so we can all be disappointed with me later

Are you still working on what to do when an eldritch god decides you're friend shaped? It's really good (not to say I don't love your other fics which are also really good)

Hi! Yes, I am still working on 'What to do when an eldritch god decides that you're friend-shaped'! I'm participating in a couple of Merlin writing fests this year though, so that's taking up most of my writing time. I've got the rest of the story for that fic outlined, and I'll get back to working on it after I'm done with the fests! I love writing that story, and I absolutely will finish it (some day)!

Thanks for the tag @thefreckledelf!

*Stares at my username* Well, this is going to take a while! Let's do this!

Ruthlessness from Epic: The Musical

Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene by Hozier

Millie, Warm the Kettle Once More by Rabbitology

Be by Hozier

Like Real People Do by Hozier

It Will Come Back by Hozier

Nobody's Soldier by Hozier

Get in the Water from Epic: The Musical

Shrike by Hozier

Open Arms from Epic: The Musical

Foreigner's God by Hozier

Arsonist's Lullaby by Hozier

Curses by The Crane Wives

Hot To Go by Chappell Roan

Abstract (Psychopomp) by Hozier

There are Other Ways from Epic: The Musical

Take Me to Church by Hozier

In the Woods Somewhere by Hozier

Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan

NFWMB by Hozier

Eat Your Young by Hozier

The Underworld from Epic: The Musical

Too Sweet by Hozier

Rockslide by The Crane Wives

Never Love an Anchor by The Crane Wives

Love in Paradise from Epic: The Musical

Well, I have probably just revealed how much of my spotify top songs of 2024 playlist consists solely of Hozier's music. 😅 It's good background music for writing though!

No pressure tags! @achillesuwu @griffonskies @sugar-coated-prat-dragon @tansyuduri @guiltyscarlet

URL song game with a twist!

Write down your url only using songs from your Top Songs of 2024 playlist on Spotify (or equivalent) and tag as many people as the letters in your url! 🎶🕺

Thank you for the tag @breathing-and-stuff

Eternal eternity from Sailor Moon Crystal

L’Impeto Oscuro - Young Xehanort by Yoko Shimomura

Inertia by AJR

L’EminenZa Oscura I - Ansem by Yoko Shimomura (it’s z what was I supposed to do lol)

A thousand years by Christina Perri

Beautiful Trauma by P!nk

Everything by Parachute

The Last of the Real Ones by Fall Out Boy

Helena by My Chemical Romance

Deep in the woods by Hayley Kiyoko

It’s About You by Brye

Crazy = Genius by Panic! At The Disco

MakE Me Feel by Janelle Monáe

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) by Fall Out Boy

If I Lose Myself by OneRepublic

MonstEr by Jorge Rivera-Herrans

Love Me Anyway by Parachute

Don’t Think Twice by Hikaru Utada

BattlE of the Larynx by Melanie Martinez

Road To You by Five for Fighting

Tagging @twilight-blaze @joost8910 @lavenderlivres @sapphoslibrary @nagemeikenu @share-the-skye @absurdistlesbianism @dafmusic22 @abbyworldshaper @thefreckledelf @omnifitense @twistedthicket27 @rhythmmortis @stresslitzia @larkawolfgirl @casuallyspookytidalwave @comradesummers @mimiplaysgames @toxicfighter @puertorican-74

Aww, thank you so much! I've got some other fic ideas along the same lines of Odysseus becoming a god by beating Poseidon.

My favorite idea (that I'll probably flesh out at some point) is that Odysseus could have stolen Poseidon's title as god of the ocean by wielding his trident and almost killing him. However, Odysseus doesn't know how to control this power, so he's stuck as the ocean itself and without a human form.

And this leads to O(cean)dysseus almost accidentally drowning Ithaca because he want to be closer to his family, but in doing so, he raises the sea level around Ithaca to a dangerous point.

And I think it's safe to say that the suitors, in this au, are sleeping with the fishes ;)

Hello everyone! In celebration of the Ithaca saga release (and yes, I am still sobbing over that ending), here's an Epic au that's been rolling around my head for far too long! Enjoy!

In a few mythology stories, there is a theme of "if you kill a monster, you become a monster yourself." And, with the theme of Odysseus abandoning his humanity and becoming a monster being so prevalent in the second act, why not take it one step further?

What if, when Odysseus nearly killed Poseidon with his own godly weapon, some of that divine power found its way into Odysseus? What if the combined power of wielding the trident and the act of defeating a god and spilling his ichor ascended Odysseus unwillingly into godhood?

And, given what Odysseus was doing when he attained godhood, what of Odysseus specifically became the god of monsters?

By the time Odysseus has finished mutilating Poseidon and sails the short distance to Ithaca's shores, the ascension is already almost complete, despite Odysseus's resistance to it. When Odysseus finally sets foot on Ithaca's beach, he is no longer human at all. He is, in many ways, no longer himself.

Sure, he looks human enough at first glance, but his shadow writhes with twisting, monstrous forms, and his form blurs around the edges if one looks for long enough, as if he had to put conscious effort into appearing human.

It takes all of Odysseus's concentration to both keep himself looking human and to put one foot in front of the other, determined to ensure that the first time his family sees him again, they see him, not some monster.

But then, Odysseus finds the suitors. He hears Antinous speaking of killing his son and doing vile things to his wife, and suddenly, Odysseus doesn't feel like holding back the writhing, howling beasts under his skin anymore. No, no, he is going to reveal in releasing them on these dogs.

Odysseus, still unseen by the suitors, lets his mortal disguise disappear in an instant, and a horrible roar has the suitors all stiffening with primordial terror, their minds frozen at the sight of something that their instincts screamed was a predator, unlike anything they had seen before.

The beast that they now beheld, which seemingly appeared out of nowhere, was horrific, with its body shifting and changing between all manner of monsters. One moment it was a hydra, then in the next it was a minotaur, and then it took the form of a chimera. The suitors watched in grotesque horror for a few seconds as the beast's body could not decide on a shape, its head and eyes and limbs always shifting, before the monster took a step towards them, its clawed foot shaking the ground.

At that, the suitors suddenly realized that this was real and that they were in a room with this creature. And then, all hell broke loose as the 108 suitors screamed with terror and scrambled away from the monster in all directions.

Then, the hunt began.

The monster chased them down the long hallways of the palace, killing any suitor it got its hands on. Some were shredded by its claws, others trampled under its feet like bugs, and some were even devoured with a single bite of its jaws. And all the while, The beast showed no mercy, no remorse, and no signs of that its bloodlust was even remotely slaked.

One suitor, when cornered by the beast, got on his knees and begged for mercy, only to be crushed with one swipe of a club that had manifested itself from the beast's body, which now took the shape of a savage cyclops.

Soon, blood painted the walls and floor of the palace, while the surviving suitors armed themselves for battle. After all, it was impossible to flee from the beast, so their only chance was to fight it.

However, at the armory, Telemachus appeared, back from his diplomatic mission and demanding to know what was happening, asking the suitors about the beast. Then, Antinous, one of the only surviving suitors, got an idea.

He ordered the others suitors to hold Telemachus down and tie him up as he explained his plan. They could still go through with their previous plot if they played this well enough.

After all, the beast out there was clearly either a punishment sent by the gods or a god in of itself. And the only way to appease a god was through an offering or sacrifice.

So, the suitors could present the bound prince to the beast as a sacrifice, which would appease the gods. After all, a blood sacrifice of a royal held great significance.

And when Penelope was mourning her poor, sacrificed son, Antinous and his men would be hailed as heroes by all of Ithaca for appeasing the monster, and Penelope would have no choice but to wed one of them.

Telemachus was screaming with rage and fear behind his makeshift gag as Antinous finished explaining his plan to the other suitors, who enthusiastically agreed to it.

Together, the suitors dragged Telemachus, his limbs bound with rope, out into the hallway, where it took the monster only a matter of seconds to find them.

Telemachus' eyes widened with shock at the sight of the monster, with its ever-changing limbs and body. The only constant feature on the beast was its ferocious glowing red eyes, which chilled the prince to the bone.

Antinous kicked Telemachus forwards towards the beast, sending his sprawling out over the floor.

"Great beast! We know not why you are here, but we humbly apologize for whatever wrong this kingdom has done to you! Please, accept this honored sacrifice: Telemachus, the prince of this land, and leave us in peace."

The monster, for the first time since it appeared, stood still, though its form still shifted fluidly. The suitors watched with baited breath as the beast ever so slowly inched forwards, towards a squirming and terrified Telemachus.

As the creature got closer, however, its form stopped changing as much, until its seemed to stabilize, taking on the shape of a giant human figure, but its body and face were featureless, simple a mass of shadows, except for its ever-present red eyes.

The now human-shaped monster picked Telemachus up in of of its hands slowly, handling far gentler than it had any of the suitors. On the ground, Antinous and his men watched on in barely-contained excitement, overjoyed that everything was going as planned.

"I take it that you accept and are appeased by this sacrifice, great one?" Antinous, ever confident, spoke up.

The beast was still silent, giving no indication that it even heard Antinous, with all of its attention still focused on Telemachus, who was convinced that this was the end for him.

Gingerly, the creature rearranged its hold on Telemachus, until it was cradling him in its arms as a human would with an infant. The suitors look on in confusion, unsure what to make of this. What kind of monster cradled its sacrifice? Why wasn't it mindlessly slaughtering the prince just as it had the other suitors?

Then, the creature's gaze shifted from Telemachus to the suitors, filling them with an instinctive fear that told them to run. But before they could even take a step, a massive serpent's head shot out of the creature's chest, devouring all of them in a single bite. Telemachus, still bound and gagged, screamed with terror at the sight of it.

The beast, with Telemachus still trapped in its arms, started lumbering its way through the halls again, swiftly killing any remaining suitors it came across while the prince shook with terror in its arms.

After a while, the beast had finally killed the last of the suitors, leaving a trail of mutilated corpses and blood throughout the entire palace. There would be no one left inside the palace except for Telemachus and... his mother.

Telemachus came to this horrifying realization as he recognized exactly where the monster was heading. It was going to his mother's room, and the reinforced door would not protect her from this creature.

Telemachus renewed his struggles against his bindings, begging as best he could from behind the gag, "not her, please, not her!"

But the beast, of course, did not listen, and continued its path of destruction until it reached Penelope's door, still carrying the furiously squirming prince in its arms.

The doors, reinforced with bronze, did not stand a chance against the monster's strength, and Telemachus was forced to watch on in horror as his mother screamed at the sight of the beast, and he could do nothing as the monster grabbed ahold of her with a gigantic hand.

Telemachus had felt helpless and useless many times over the years as suitors invaded their home and disrespected his mother, but that was nothing compared to the sheer hopelessness and terror of seeing his mother struggling in the grasp of this monster and being unable to even move.

Now that Penelope was in his grasp, the monster slowly, almost gingerly, made his way to the throne room, trampling the scattered and bloodied corpses of the suitors that were in his path.

There, in the middle of the throne room, the beast finally sat down, halting is rampage through the halls of the palace at long last. Penelope and Telemachus, still trapped in the monster's arms, held each other as close as they could, trembling with fear at the massive, gore-covered monster that held their lives quite literally in its merciless hands.

(But little did they know that, as the hours went by, the monster would slowly shrink, diminishing in size, until it revealed a man, a very familiar man, underneath it all. And that man would like nothing more than to hold his family close for as long as he can.)

And that's all for this story! I might do a continuation if the inspiration strikes! Please let me know if you'd like to see a continuation!

And, as always, thank you for reading through my ramblings! :D

You know what I want to see more of in Merlin fics? I want more completely unhinged Arthur.

Think about it. This man grew up with zero examples of a healthy relationship, romantic or platonic, so there's no way he knows what healthy boundaries are for friendships and romantic relationships.

So, I want to see Arthur being completely unhinged when it comes to Merlin and Gwen. Those two make up about 90% of Arthur's sanity, so if something happens to either of them, Arthur would go apeshit.

I'm talking Arthur throwing an assassin who hurt Gwen onto a pyre, because his father taught him that that's what you do with people who hurt someone you love.

Or Merlin trying to temporarily leave Camelot after an argument with Arthur, only to be knocked out and dragged back to Camelot, and he wakes up wearing handcuffs a friendship bracelet that keeps him connected to Arthur, because Merlin isn't allowed to just leave Arthur for no good reason!

I just want Arthur to be unhinged sometimes, as a little treat for him!

A little Merlin angst for you all on this lovely day!

In the show, we never really see the "consequences" that Kilgharrah speaks of when Uther wields Excalibur instead of Arthur in season 1.

What if, by being the first person to be granted Excalibur by Emrys (even if it was accidentally), Uther was made the "Once and Future King" instead of Arthur? Uther, of course, never lifts the bans on magic, and the show goes on as normal. However, 1500 years later, as Merlin sits by the side of Avalon lake awaiting his king's return, it isn't Arthur who rises from the lake, but Uther.