I'm Slowly Coming Back After Losing My Home To A Giant Leak 3 Months Ago. I've Been Busy With Client

European Wildcat | Lubo Ondráško

every time you make freezer food for dinner instead of buying takeout like you actually want you should earn two hundred dollars cash and a round of applause

Franz Kafka, 1912

Are you becoming what you've always hated?

Isle of Dogs / Game of Thrones / Painting by Jenn Mazza / Unknown / Ancestral Memory by Hari Alluri / Unknown / Venetta Octavia / Emma Tranter / Unknown / Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo / @ machineryangel

(Approx.) 4th Century BCE Good Boys

so i took out the trash today like the good house husband i am not, leaving behind the rank smell of long forgotten noodles and the regrets of two people with memory issues

i, like any good tumblr citizen, remember the tales of the person who put two cups of vanilla extract in their oven so i did the sensible thing to get out two Caps of extract

just then, inspiration struck. a bolt of lightning straight from the muses themselves, if i could use vanilla extract.... who's to say i couldn't use other extracts?

i scoured the cabinets, i knew my partner had secreted away some illicit non-vanilla type extracts for baking, and i found it.

hidden in the back of the cabinet was a lone bottle of mint extract

i emptied my two caps with abandon into an (oven safe) glass dish and gleefully set the oven for 300 for an hour

all that was left now was to wait for the sins of the mind to be purged by the mighty mint leaf

ten minutes in... starting to smell kinda like a thin mint

fifteen minutes in, i take a nice deep breath of lovely scented air and i am greeted by searing burning minty pain

i launch myself towards the kitchen, every step closer to mint hell, every orifice on my face burning with the freezing righteous flame of menthol

im fumbling for the oven mitt to rid my home of this foul demon, i pry the oven open and am hit with a blast unlike anything else

i feel what that vine kid taking shots of mouthwash feels, i was seared raw, my tits were blown clean off, and it was just me and that devilish beguiling minty fresh taste

quickly dumping the rest into the sink i ran towards the door, begging for the sweet sweet smell of un-minted air

learning nothing from this encounter, i dare to try once more, with the tumblr-approved extract this time

wish me luck