I Miss Him So Much. I Miss His Quick Wit, I Miss His Comforting Presence, I Miss The Constant Companionship,

lmfao

i hate how i am rotten from the inside out as a person. why can’t i get it right? why can’t i figure it out? why can’t i change to be enough?

the realization that if Uriel was smart he would in fact know about this account, but i don’t think he cares that much to silently stalk me so for now i think i’m safe??

when richard siken said "love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love. it's like a religion. it's terrifying. no one will ever want to sleep with you" and when halsey said "'why do you need love so badly? bet it's because of her daddy, bet that she'll never be happy' I bet that you're right and I'll show you in time cause I sabotage the things I love the most" and when emily burns said "tongue-tied, screaming on the inside, when I say that we broke up and they ask why. Are you crying in the shower like a freak, or is it just me?" and when maisie peters said "all the hows and the whens and whys I thought it would be us for life" and when lauren jauregui said "she doesn't let me have control anymore, I must have crossed a line, I must have lost my mind" and when hozier said "i think of loss and I can only think of you" and when-

very close to giving up. i feel like i need to go back to the damn ward. i hate that this is my life, and that none of it gets to be easy.

i am tired.

written with the panicked cadence of Siken in mind. he gets me.

i give up on caring about people

MASTERLIST LINK

go here!

thank u all for reading what i write. i love u <3

I MADE A FRIEND!! i’m going to try my hardest to resist the bpd urge to put all of my eggs into one basket and stop interacting with other potential friends,, but he seems super cool and nice and reminds me of michael in some ways but idkkkk

i tried to see if anyone from my past wanted to be friends n no one did, so onwards we march 🫡

may the gods bless this new friend and hopefully he sticks around!!

IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF HAVING THIS GOD FUCKING DAMNED DISORDER I WANT TO RIP ALL OF MY HAIR OUT OF MY HEAD OH MY G O D