For Her:

so much meaning in one little action. if he knew me at all he would know that i go to sleep at about 11 every night since my meds knock me out. this has been happening for a year. we live together.

missing you michael, i want to reach out to tell you i still cared so deeply for you. but i can’t, you don’t want that. so i won’t. just know that i miss you and that i’m sorry my emotions run so deep.

i wish i wasn’t like this. i’m sorry that i cant stop missing you. i wish you gave me a chance to make things right.

i might be doing really terrible on the emotional regulation front but in my defense ive had a gaping hole in my chest since i was 12

i’m processing some tough stuff, i might post excerpts from the journals i have from them,, idk what to do everything feels like static

I MADE A FRIEND!! i’m going to try my hardest to resist the bpd urge to put all of my eggs into one basket and stop interacting with other potential friends,, but he seems super cool and nice and reminds me of michael in some ways but idkkkk

i tried to see if anyone from my past wanted to be friends n no one did, so onwards we march 🫡

may the gods bless this new friend and hopefully he sticks around!!

the days repeat over and over and over and over and over and over and over and when and over and over and when will this end and over and over and stop please and over and over

8.26.22

The Empty Kind. (excerpt)

“…I wish I didn’t burn every bridge I’ve ever stood on, now all I breathe is smoke.”

ugh i’m bored, need a new fp to obsess over to keep shit interesting. 🙄

daniel once again reminds me that i am evil, literally his exact words tonight. what he doesn't know is that my buba is teaching me the power of belief and that i will brute force this into existence that i am good and kind and sweet and nice.

she and her books also say i need to forgive him, i don't know if i ever can.