If They Refuse To Respect You For Who You Are They Aren’t Friends, If They Want To Keep You In Their

If they refuse to respect you for who you are they aren’t friends, if they want to keep you in their life they will put aside the “it sounds weird” stuff and learn your new name and your new pronouns and stuff.

I personally have a 3 strike rule, deadname me once I just correct you and move on, twice I correct you and give you the stare, three times and I either throw you out or leave myself and refuse to speak with you till you learn.

If you’re too concerned about how inconvenient it is to learn my name and pronouns you’re not someone I want to be friends with.

It didn’t used to bother me much.

The name thing, I mean. I figured, you know… people need time. Time to adjust, time to relearn, time to forget and relearn again. I gave them that time—generously, patiently. But now I’m at that point where if someone deadnames me, I will correct them. Every time. Again. And again. And again.

Like Tuesday. I was playing Magic with some friends. One of the guys at the table—I’ve known him for years—he’s not mean or malicious, just… a bit slow on the uptake. Not exactly tuned into social cues, bless him. But gods, I’ve never been so close to flipping the table over a name.

Everyone else at the table called me Terra. Naturally. Because that’s my name. But he kept deadnaming me—over and over.

“Hey Deadname, your turn.”

“It’s Terra.”

“Hey Deadname, don’t forget your extra card.”

“It’s Terra.”

Repeat until madness.

By the end of the night, I was massaging my temples, staring up at the ceiling like the answer to why I bothered was written in the damn fluorescent lights. He finally noticed I was upset—and instead of realizing why, he thought it was because he kept killing my commander.

No. No, sweetie. My frustration wasn’t game-based, it was existential.

I finally just… snapped a little. Told him flat-out, “My name is Terra. You’ve been calling me my deadname all night. I’ve been correcting you all night.”

And he blinked at me, confused, and said, “Sorry. I forgot.”

I slumped back. Like, girl, really? You forgot?

My other two friends leaned in from opposite ends of the table, bless their sassy little souls, and said, “Dude… we’ve been calling her Terra this whole night.”

And he just shrugged. Said he didn’t get it, but he just wanted to play Magic.

And I guess that’s what stings, doesn’t it? That I’m not important enough in his head to remember. That I’m background noise. A name that just doesn’t click, because his desire to play cards outweighs my need to be seen.

But I will keep correcting people. I will keep saying “It’s Terra.” Because every time I do, I take my name back. I remind myself—and everyone else—that I exist. That I matter. That I’m not going to fade just because someone forgets to look closely enough.

So yeah. It sucks. It drains you. But we don’t owe anyone our silence. Especially not when we’ve fought so hard to finally hear our name and feel right.