This.

This.

you told me in the other answer that it wasn't strange to feel this need to completely surrender my autonomy to someone, as long as it was someone who could value that. but how can I find someone who doesn't just want the superficial part of me? I know it's asking too much, it's not fair... but that person would be my god, and I would spare no effort to do everything I could to see him satisfied if he could give me the slightest relief.

pathetic, isn't it? maybe the answer is there, I really don't know...

it’s not pathetic. it’s honest. what you want isn’t too much, it’s just rare. you’re not looking for someone who plays the role. you’re looking for someone who sees the whole of you, holds it, leads it, and never forgets what that kind of surrender costs. the answer isn’t in lowering your need. it’s in raising your standards. stop offering everything to anyone who shows interest. wait for the one who listens deeper, who sees past obedience into the ache beneath it. yes, it’s slow. yes, it’s lonely sometimes. but when you give your submission to someone who’s truly earned it, it doesn’t feel pathetic. it feels like peace.