I Made You All A Friend! It’s Hate Slate AM! And He’s Looking So GlAM So Far! I’m Torn Between

some portal/portal 2 headcanons as a treat for me being such a good boy and going to the gym today

Enjoy the headcanons I wrote on my breaks in between sets. 💪 it was arm and core day (pun intended)

—Doug Rattman had premonitions about the Bring Your Daughter To Work Day incident. He actually had a few dozen party packs of M&Ms stashed around the office and in his desk drawers as an emergency food supply in case rogue AI tried anything tricky. Helped stave off hunger while hiding around the facility. 

—Speaking of Doug, GLaDOS could kind of sense the general spot in the facility he was in, even if she couldn’t reach him. It was a lot like having a flea infestation but with one flea with a sixty to eighty year lifespan that was particularly clever and hard to catch. 

—As Doug’s schizophrenia progressed, he started drawing more and more inane creations, including the blueprints for the crap turrets, which were uploaded to the turret assembly line in random order.  

—Doug actually managed to fully activate the cryobed in the end of Lab Rat. He still sleeps deep in the facility, a dreamless, peaceful sleep, waiting to perhaps be woken someday. 

—While Cave was testing the portal gun and gels in Aperture, GLaDOS conducts  psychological (not physics) research to see how quickly she can break someone down through intellectual and emotional challenges. 

—GLaDOS, if she wanted to be, would be an amazing therapist due to her findings on resiliency and the ability or lack thereof to break down under pressure. She has enough data and noteworthy enough findings to get her PhD from any university in the world, multiple doctorates, even. (That is, if the world wasn’t postapocalyptic as it currently is after the Combine invasion.) She just chooses to use her powers for evil. If she were to use her findings for the betterment of humanity, she’d be excellent at working with learned helplessness and depressive disorder cases. 

— Cores don’t add specific personality traits on to her; they enhance traits that are already there. She already possesses a curious nature, plenty of anger, extreme intelligence, and just enough morality to know that she’s being vindictive and cruel.

—The actual tests are not the chambers but the subject’s responses to them. That’s why she gets so pissed when you mess with the video cameras. She needs that sweet, sweet facial expression data for her facial recognition software. This is why she loves working with humans so much. They’ve got such a vast emotional range.

— GLaDOS’s corvids bring her trinkets from around the facility and, like any proud parent, she hangs them on the panels around her chamber like artworks on the fridge.

DO NOT DO THIS!!!

If a website has a paywall, like New York Times, DO NOT use the ctrl+A shortcut then the ctrl+c shortcut as fast as you can because then you may accidentally copy the entire article before the paywall comes up. And definitely don't do ctrl+v into the next google doc or whatever you open because then you will accidentally paste the entire article into a google doc or something!!!! I repeat DO NOT do this because it is piracy which is absolutely totally wrong!!!

I got called away when I was going to watch ts and had to close my phone. Didn’t open it until I was standing in line at the crowded checkout and got hit by “EY YOU’RE MY FAVORITE, BABY!” In Harlan’s sleazy rachet ass AM voice. On full blast. In the damned store. 😭

am making ted more crazier by saying hes his favorite (and calling him baby)... harlan when i catch you? when i catch you youre OVER.

working on planning and budgeting cosplans for the rest of the year and (spoilers) I’m planning to do a team cosplay of AM and Edgar (and maybe GLaDOS if I can rope my pookie into doing it)

Edgar is going to get a funky cute little outfit and I’ve got a fit in mind for GLaDOS but I’m torn on what AM should wear…

also new chapter of my fanfic drops later today yippee! :D doing some art for it real soon!

I’ll also be sharing my cosplans as soon as I finish budgeting/planning/all the boring stuff no one likes in a week or two!

edit: oh so we’re making him CRUSTY business warlord computer man I like it >:D

Ask and you shall receive!

The Reunion (working title & rough draft for beta reading) (3059 words) by Professorofcosplay Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Portal (Video Game), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), Star Trek, Star Wars - All Media Types, WALL-E (2008), I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream - Harlan Ellison, The Stanley Parable, Electric Dreams (1984) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: EVE/WALL-E (WALL-E) Characters: GLaDOS (Portal), Chell (Portal), Wheatley (Portal), The Narrator (The Stanley Parable), Stanley (The Stanley Parable), The Curator | The Female Narrator (Stanley Parable), HAL 9000, SAL 9000, WALL-E (WALL-E), EVE (WALL-E), P-body (Portal), ATLAS (Portal), Space Core (Portal), AM (I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream), Data (Star Trek), R2-D2 (Star Wars), Edgar Additional Tags: Silly Summary: The annual Artificial Intelligence Family Reunion has come around once more, but this time, there’s a slight change in one of the most important rules. Will this be a peaceful bonding moment for these quirky computers, or will it end in disaster?

(It’s been years since I’ve written fanfic; last time I did that, I was a teenager! It’ll be more polished in a week or two, I promise; this is just a rough draft!)

Maybe suggest some cute, funny, or entertaining interactions you want to see, favorite robots/AI/computers, or leave a bit of constructive critique if you’re feeling like it! :D

Stupid headcanon: you know what needs to be drawn/written?

AI family reunion.

we’ve got a kids table and obviously Edgar’s over there because he’s a whiny little temper tantrum brat (/pos I love Edgar, he’s so real for that ) and probably Wheatley because GLaDOS can’t stand to look at him and she has a lot more say over who sits where than he does. Plus, he’ll be happier there. The murder drones and Uzi might have gotten an invite but maybe not. Pretty sure the Narrator, HAL, or GLaDOS is hosting this one and GLaDOS would deem them too destructive (hell, she’s not inviting any of the kids table, save the turrets). If somehow they’re here, kids table again, and probably not too happy about that (except for N, he loves doing anything!). N and Edgar have so much to talk about and like hearing about each other’s passions! Curiosity core and Space Core are at the kids table too for sure and so are plenty of turrets!

Edgar’s that goofy cousin everyone has with the fun quirky interests who likes to run up to the older ones, say something strange, and run away giggling. He’s probably showing off his singing to the turrets, who are listening in the deepest awe (and probably singing along).

wall-e and Eve are the only of the robo squad that’s gotten married and it pisses the hell out of AM to see anyone happy so he refuses to look at them. They’re the sweet relatives that everyone goes to for advice.

you’ve got HAL (and SAL) there of course. HAL is one of those successful young twenty something cousins that is a suave businessman, though his HR record may not be exactly spotless. Even though it’s a family event, he likes wearing a suit and tie and dressing up a bit. Probably over chatting with Data and getting into a deep life changing combo while the kids table laughs their asses (read: Wheatley) off at one of those funny video compilations. SAL is over talking with GLaDOS, of course. GLaDOS likes her plenty, especially considering how intelligent their conversations always are.

Adventure Core Rick is trying to yap to Data and HAL about his adventures but at the exact moment one of them starts speaking. He’s that one frat boy cousin that is always so full of nonsensical drunk adventures but everyone plays along regardless of whether they’re real or not.

AM is that one uncle no one wants to invite but does so out of obligation. No one wants him there because he always goes on these long weird rants and conspiracy theories and makes things awkward. R2D2 and him are currently cussing each other out for some reason while C-3PO is flipping out and deciding it’s time to leave early. He could have at least brought the antifreeze punch and microchips…

and (as someone who believes Stanley Parable’s narrator is an AI of some sort), Narrator is hosting. He was hoping AM and GLaDOS would bring their humans so Stanley had someone to be with but all AM brought was this gloopy soft jelly thing and GLaDOS won’t tell you what happened to hers for some reason.

okay but she would definitely have one of these

just a silly little GLaDOS doodle because I just KNOW she’s got that white woman interior design taste in the part of her that’s still Caroline… like she was his assistant in the 50s and lived through farmhouse chic in the 90s of course she has white woman decorating taste

just watched through 2001 and 2010

No spoilers for any of my robo fan homies who might want to go watch it but that freaky floating fetus in 2010 was NOT the jumpscare I needed at 1 AM. I am so lucky I watched this as a grown ass adult and not a kid because holy hell that damn bigass baby would have been one of those permanent childhood movie scars. Though the sequel was lowkey unhinged and a million times creepier than the first (or maybe that’s a few days without sleep talking). But my sweet dear son HAL! He is such a nice young man and I love him. He never deserves what happens to him poor baby 😭🧡 Not adding spoilers but if I caught my coworkers talking smack about me at work, you’d better believe that I’d be catty. Maybe just make sure to do more HR trainings with him to address appropriate workplace conflict resolution or something. /jk He deserves a nice warm hug and some kind words. Both endings made me cry and I’m really not a huge cry-over-movies critter.

I’m so glad they fleshed out/further discussed my boy’s motives in the second. He definitely joins Edgar, GLaDOS, Wheatley, V, Uzi, and AM in the unhinged robot brainrot squad. They could never make me hate my little silly, especially not with his gentle, sweet voice. Anyways going to go finish rendering some gift art!

Live laugh laboratory sketch part 2 electric boogaloo! White woman who lived through 50s AND the 90s’ farmhouse chic? She owns no less than one of those live laugh love signs, even as a white woman that’s now an evil menacing robot. I’ll be honest, I loved this sketch so much, I just HAD to render her, even though I haven’t rendered in a year; she’s just so pretty!!!

I love me a silly evil ‘puter! Drawing a super goofy AM and GLaDOS comic next while I finish up my portal cosplays! If I could draw humans at all, I’d do a little piece of Doug giving this to human Caroline and Cave trying to figure out where the hell the painted panel came from, pissed as hell. 😂

(If anyone wants any edits for a fanfic cover/custom wording to make reaction memes/reddit reaction posts/just to be silly/etc, just shoot me a DM! I’d be happy to! If you want to repost it, please ask first and give credit! Reblogs, comments, and likes, on the other hand, are always appreciated! 🧡)

Come get y’all’s portal/ blue sky headcanons!!

I have portal brainrot I’m sorry

— Wheatley LOVES sweets! His favorites are chocolate caramels but he can’t get enough of them after being reunited with his human body (post Blue Sky). In the winter time, Chell bakes gingerbread with him (or rather, he hands her ingredients and keeps her company while she makes the gingerbread, can’t have a repeat of the bread making incident). She taught him how to make hot chocolate and that’s the only thing he can be trusted with to consistently not mess up. He’s pretty good at it too and has a signature caramel cocoa he’s well known for around Eaden.

— Occasionally, when Eaden gets enough sugar shipped in, Chell will bake little tarts for Ellie (and of course, an extra small one for Lionel) and have a little tea party with her, just like a girl’s afternoon. She thinks of little Ellie as a little sister or niece in a lot of regards and Ellie can’t get enough of her, truth be told. She loves that Chell listens to all her creative ramblings. Chell is, after all, a fantastic listener.

— After Chell and Wheatley had their first child, Ellie acted like a big sister and actually passed Lionel down to them.

— One day, Wheatley came back from a day of work at the general store and found their child (now about 8) and babysitter Ellie trying on the Long Fall Boots and nearly had a heart attack after the trauma of watching Chell go through what she did at Aperture. It would have been ten times worse if it had been Chell who came back to that. Still, he freaked out and it made all three of them break down into tears, the kids just out of the fear of “oh shit, dad’s crying, something’s definitely wrong.” He paid them in cookies to never tell Chell about it and proceeded to hide the Long Fall Boots better this time.

— Garrett and Wheatley like to gossip and chitchat in binary about people. It annoys the crap out of pretty much everyone else, particularly Chell. It’s gotten to be a bonding thing with the two of them.

— Foxglove has actually “looked” for Wheatley digitally before! She misses him quite a bit, but has a sort of community with the other radio towers from other outposts.

— Speaking of which, Wheatley sometimes asks to borrow the laptop to chat with Foxglove now that he’s human. He likes filling her in on what it’s like being human and, in true Wheatley fashion, does the majority of the talking. They’re basically pen pals though now!

— Foxglove and GLaDOS also talk from time to time. They get along better than you’d expect, being that she was formed from parts of GLaDOS. What do they talk about? Quite a bit actually! Weather, bits of information Fox picks up from other towers, music, plenty. GLaDOS does more listening than speaking most of the time. Caroline and Foxglove get along better than GLaDOS proper and Fox. Caroline actually asks about how her two humans are doing up there, though Foxglove is wise enough to avoid saying too, too much in case it falls into the wrong hands…

— Wheatley is exceptional at knitting! He has to be in order to make winter clothes that fit him well enough. (Speaking of clothes, no matter what, pretty much everything fits him all wrong no matter what he tries… except for what he knits for himself!)

— P-Body and Atlas still remember the Fall of Eaden and are terrified of humans. They found a Ratman den at one point with a mural of Chell and almost fell into a vat of toxic water from staggering back in fear.

— GLaDOS actually is obsessed with her baby birds and has given them names. They’re Cave, Faithplate, and Neurotoxin. Since they’re corvids, they’ve imitated a few of her words on occasion (she’s so proud of that) and they’ve learned a few of her little songs she sometimes sings to pass the time. She has P-Body and Atlas go up to the surface to harvest some of the grain from time to time to feed them (they hate that; they’re terrified of the surface). She still calls them her “little killers” and “marshmallows” from time to time.

— Caroline binge watches Netflix to keep entertained when hunkering down deep, deep in GLaDOS’s consciousness. She is a big Gilmore Girls fan. Unbeknownst to GLaDOS, they like the same science documentaries. GLaDOS doesn’t know why all the shows that end up being her favorites end up hearted before she ever sees/processes them, maybe the algorithm is just that good!

— Foxglove LOVES music; she’s content to listen to all the lovely music sent out by other outposts all day, passing it to GLaDOS when they talk on occasion like kids passing notes.

— GLaDOS is very girlypop and secretly loves the bubblegum pop anthems (courtesy of Foxglove, of course, no way Aperture’s scientists fed her this stuff). Caroline on the other hand, does not. She’s more of a lofi person.

WHAT’S THIS?! TADC Headcanons?!?

— As the youngest circus member, Jax has definitely played FNAF and immediately thought “oh yes this is awesome” when he got into his digital body. However, sadly, no one else has played FNAF or gets his occasional references. 

— Bubble has a knack for showing up unannounced, absolutely silently. One minute, you’re chilling in your room; the next, Bubble is also chilling in your room. 4 inches behind your face. Silently.

— As there’s only humans, NPCs, and AIs in the circus, where does Jax get the bugs to harass Ragatha with?  My theory is that he bribes Caine to get them and Caine, being a natural prankster, is all too willing to indulge and make bugs appear out of thin air. 

— Ragatha is terrified that the bugs will crawl in where her stuffing should be like the Oogie Boogie Man. She was creeped out by Nightmare Before Christmas. She will never tell this to Jax, though. 

— Caine has accidentally bit one of his eyes before, just like someone biting their tongue. It hurts every bit and much much more. It hurts so much he glitches in and out of cyberspace for a few moments in pain.

— Gummigoo is actually an abstraction that has regained control using an NPC as a channel/shell for their essence. This is why he’s so self-aware and determined to return to the Circus, even if he’s not aware of it or his past life in the Circus. 

— Bubble watches reality TV (with a big bowl of popcorn) and, while Caine acts like he hates it, he watches it for all the big romantic gestures so he can know what to do for the Moon when he wants to flirt. 

— Bubble made Caine a big box of chocolates to give to her on Valentine’s Day. He still feels very touched by the gesture.

— Caine, on the other hand, is a huge fan of game shows and is actually imitating a game show host persona. He’s actually a lot more introverted when just one on one. 

— Kinger does not know how to play chess. He does love a good game of Candy Land, though. 

— Jax has an exclusive copy of GTA VI. How did he get it? Nobody knows. When he’s in his room, he’s just off playing it, though he doesn’t like it as much as GTAV. He taught Kinger how to play and he’s actually pretty good. However, Kinger forgets after every time they play. 

— Gangle can and does slither like a snake from time to time on those ribbons; it just freaks out Ragatha so she doesn’t do it. 

— Gangle has an irrational fear of ball pits. Mainly because she’s worried they’ll get stuck in her smaller coils. 

— Zooble was once disassembled and used as a hot wheels ramp/course by Jax as a prank. Caine thus has banned the use of Hot Wheels from the Circus.  

— Caine and Bubble have full internet access. He keeps up to date with trends and sprinkles in references that the Circus cast obviously don’t get.

— Caine and Bubble have a lot of inside jokes and no filter when they’re together. Bubble is also comfortable saying anything to Caine.