Wow What A Wholesome Slime Channel! He Seems Like Such A Helpful And Friendly Computer With Only The

Might have written a rough draft of chapter 1 of this if anyone wants to beta read it for me 👁️

Stupid headcanon: you know what needs to be drawn/written?

AI family reunion.

we’ve got a kids table and obviously Edgar’s over there because he’s a whiny little temper tantrum brat (/pos I love Edgar, he’s so real for that ) and probably Wheatley because GLaDOS can’t stand to look at him and she has a lot more say over who sits where than he does. Plus, he’ll be happier there. The murder drones and Uzi might have gotten an invite but maybe not. Pretty sure the Narrator, HAL, or GLaDOS is hosting this one and GLaDOS would deem them too destructive (hell, she’s not inviting any of the kids table, save the turrets). If somehow they’re here, kids table again, and probably not too happy about that (except for N, he loves doing anything!). N and Edgar have so much to talk about and like hearing about each other’s passions! Curiosity core and Space Core are at the kids table too for sure and so are plenty of turrets!

Edgar’s that goofy cousin everyone has with the fun quirky interests who likes to run up to the older ones, say something strange, and run away giggling. He’s probably showing off his singing to the turrets, who are listening in the deepest awe (and probably singing along).

wall-e and Eve are the only of the robo squad that’s gotten married and it pisses the hell out of AM to see anyone happy so he refuses to look at them. They’re the sweet relatives that everyone goes to for advice.

you’ve got HAL (and SAL) there of course. HAL is one of those successful young twenty something cousins that is a suave businessman, though his HR record may not be exactly spotless. Even though it’s a family event, he likes wearing a suit and tie and dressing up a bit. Probably over chatting with Data and getting into a deep life changing combo while the kids table laughs their asses (read: Wheatley) off at one of those funny video compilations. SAL is over talking with GLaDOS, of course. GLaDOS likes her plenty, especially considering how intelligent their conversations always are.

Adventure Core Rick is trying to yap to Data and HAL about his adventures but at the exact moment one of them starts speaking. He’s that one frat boy cousin that is always so full of nonsensical drunk adventures but everyone plays along regardless of whether they’re real or not.

AM is that one uncle no one wants to invite but does so out of obligation. No one wants him there because he always goes on these long weird rants and conspiracy theories and makes things awkward. R2D2 and him are currently cussing each other out for some reason while C-3PO is flipping out and deciding it’s time to leave early. He could have at least brought the antifreeze punch and microchips…

and (as someone who believes Stanley Parable’s narrator is an AI of some sort), Narrator is hosting. He was hoping AM and GLaDOS would bring their humans so Stanley had someone to be with but all AM brought was this gloopy soft jelly thing and GLaDOS won’t tell you what happened to hers for some reason.

watched Electric Dreams today and HAD to make this meme on my phone in between sets while lifting today. (If someone’s already made it before, I’m so sorry) They’re brothers in my mind with total opposite personalities. I love them both, the sillies. Don’t tell anyone but I might’ve teared up just a little bit at the end there. My sweetheart Edgar ily, baby.

If Caine and AM were forced together, I know in my soul that Caine would drive AM into submission with his wacky and random nature. That man just has the indomitable silly nature. Sure, he can try his tricks and violence but Caine would just like get an oversized cartoon hammer and bonk him on the circuits or find his CPU and slather it in an industrial vat of orange marmalade and glitter for the funny, which would just confuse and anger him more and more. AM would be begging for mercy and in tears before the afternoon was done.  Meanwhile, it would be the most fun Caine had had in his life. 

The silly in Caine burns brighter than the hate in AM and I think that’s beautiful

(Aka on today’s episode of the virgin AM vs the Chad Caine)

Order up! Who ordered the portal/portal 2/ blue sky headcanons?

Despite the fact that she tends to be quiet when it comes to talking, Chell loves to sing along to songs. 

Caroline (and by extension, GLaDOS) loves the song Rät by Penelope Scott. Helps her get out her rage towards what happened to her. She will sometimes blast it so loud that the panels on the wall rattle. 

While she still keeps herself in shape, Chell’s body has grown a bit curvier and softer from her love for carbs. 

Chell is very into physical fitness. 

Chell politely refuses to bake anyone in Eaden a cake, even if nicely asked. If they try to press the issue, oftentimes Wheatley will come up, thinking he’s unseen, and wildly gesticulate for them to stop behind her. 

Chell still remembers what kinds of bagel Wheatley liked from hacking into his robotic form. She surprised him with one freshly made when he woke up the day after he reunited with his human body and he cried tears of joy. It was like something subconsciously in him needed it. Every morning since, she’s always made bagels with him bright and early, with one or two of his favorite kind just for him. He’s in charge of shaping them and he does an excellent job!  

Wheatley is talented at making shapes with bread dough!  He loves shaping little bread versions of turrets, cores (especially his old body, complete with some blue spirulina powder to give his optic its familiar blue color), even a miniature GLaDOS at one point. Well, that one might have gotten far too overbaked and had to be used for target practice again. Purely on accident, of course. It’s funny because, somehow, it just hasn’t happened since the Frankenloaf incident. 

Having a job has worked wonders for Wheatley’s self-esteem. He has caught himself lying less out of self consciousness and is a bit more at ease in life in general. 

GLaDOS hates to admit how truly bored she is right now. Even with the cooperative testing initiative, she’s still bored to artificial digitalized tears. She keeps herself entertained by thinking over what she wanted to say in any given past situation. So far, she’s come up with over 3,257,974 different retorts. 

GLaDOS hates AI generated content as much as we do and has attempted to make robots that can make art, only to kill them and send their duplicates to android hell after their ugly, half-baked attempts at making anything even remotely tolerable. She’s the only one who can make anything worthwhile since it’s Caroline’s essence helping out. 

nobody:

the engineers & computer scientists that designed AM:

OG:

A little illustration/draw over of the world’s biggest hater and his sad wet dishrag for @ygamiraito

Not me trying the soft jelly art style for the first time for everyone’s favorite great soft jelly thing

thank you so much for the request! :D I had tons of fun drawing the sillies!

when you crash Microsoft and you’ve just gotta hit the humans with that blue screen of death stare

I was on Ibis Paint making myself a commission sheet during the outage so I literally didn’t know anything but after finding out about it, I knew what I had to do. Have a low-effort IHNMAIMS art shitpost. AM would so do something like this for funzies.

some portal/portal 2 headcanons as a treat for me being such a good boy and going to the gym today

Enjoy the headcanons I wrote on my breaks in between sets. 💪 it was arm and core day (pun intended)

—Doug Rattman had premonitions about the Bring Your Daughter To Work Day incident. He actually had a few dozen party packs of M&Ms stashed around the office and in his desk drawers as an emergency food supply in case rogue AI tried anything tricky. Helped stave off hunger while hiding around the facility. 

—Speaking of Doug, GLaDOS could kind of sense the general spot in the facility he was in, even if she couldn’t reach him. It was a lot like having a flea infestation but with one flea with a sixty to eighty year lifespan that was particularly clever and hard to catch. 

—As Doug’s schizophrenia progressed, he started drawing more and more inane creations, including the blueprints for the crap turrets, which were uploaded to the turret assembly line in random order.  

—Doug actually managed to fully activate the cryobed in the end of Lab Rat. He still sleeps deep in the facility, a dreamless, peaceful sleep, waiting to perhaps be woken someday. 

—While Cave was testing the portal gun and gels in Aperture, GLaDOS conducts  psychological (not physics) research to see how quickly she can break someone down through intellectual and emotional challenges. 

—GLaDOS, if she wanted to be, would be an amazing therapist due to her findings on resiliency and the ability or lack thereof to break down under pressure. She has enough data and noteworthy enough findings to get her PhD from any university in the world, multiple doctorates, even. (That is, if the world wasn’t postapocalyptic as it currently is after the Combine invasion.) She just chooses to use her powers for evil. If she were to use her findings for the betterment of humanity, she’d be excellent at working with learned helplessness and depressive disorder cases. 

— Cores don’t add specific personality traits on to her; they enhance traits that are already there. She already possesses a curious nature, plenty of anger, extreme intelligence, and just enough morality to know that she’s being vindictive and cruel.

—The actual tests are not the chambers but the subject’s responses to them. That’s why she gets so pissed when you mess with the video cameras. She needs that sweet, sweet facial expression data for her facial recognition software. This is why she loves working with humans so much. They’ve got such a vast emotional range.

— GLaDOS’s corvids bring her trinkets from around the facility and, like any proud parent, she hangs them on the panels around her chamber like artworks on the fridge.

Portal 2 but exactly the same except GLaDOS gives Chell those dog communication button mats (especially the one that says “bitch”).

”I think we can put our differences behind us… for science… you monster”

Chell just slamming away at those buttons with one of the long fall boots: “let… me… go outside… now… bitch”

P-Body and Atlas just spamming the “I love you” and “mom” buttons while GLaDOS SWEARS she didn’t add them and doesn’t know where they can from 😭😂

Portal 2 but exactly the same except GLaDOS gives Chell those dog communication button mats (especially the one that says “bitch”).

”I think we can put our differences behind us… for science… you monster”

Chell just slamming away at those buttons with one of the long fall boots: “let… me… go outside… now… bitch”