This Is Incredible :0 I Have No Words Wow I Just Love This With Every Fiber Of My Essence

one time i was very late for class and the printer i was using broke down RIGHT AS I TRIED TO PRINT SOMETHINg. and a fellow student came over (obviously seeing my distress) and said “sup? having trouble? here…” and fucking took off his shoe and HIT THE PRINTER WITH IT. “excuse me what is that supposed to do,” i asked. and he was like “this piece of shit is out to get you. you just have to show it whose boss“ and then he LEFT and i never saw him again but i’ll always remember the boy who smacked a printer with his shoe to make it work for me

printers are inherently malicious creatures. i have never met a printer that does not on some level want to make everyone’s lives miserable. they are full of ink and malice

LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

the point of “gender is a social construct” isn’t that gender is meaningless, it’s that we should be allowed to decide what it means

And that's that on that.

I didn't know bucket toothpaste was only a thing here!

"kill yourself": overdone and unoriginal. amateurish, even. honestly more embarrassing for you than the person you say it to.

"if we were both shiny objects a crow would choose me over you": devastating. an insult that you'll never forget for as long as you live. there's no coming back from this one.

i really need to start reading urls. i about had a heart attack after reading “tom hiddleston is retiring from acting”

Tom Hiddleston is retiring from acting and he came to my university to lecture about Shakespeare. I jumped out of my window (I live on the fifth floor) to run to university to catch his lecture. There were zombies on the way so I Ramboed my way through them. I arrived to uni just as Tom revealed himself to be Loki and that he was also Shakespeare's real life muse.

@aquietfather are you ok pal

I was visiting a friend of mine, staying over for the weekend, and realized I’d forgotten my toothpaste spoon. I asked my friend if they had a spare toothpaste spoon I could borrow, but they had no idea what a toothpaste spoon was. I tried to explain it to them, but they still didn’t understand, as they just stuck their toothbrush right into the bucket. They offered to loan me a tea spoon, but tea spoons don’t hold toothpaste the right way and aren’t as effective. It turned out their cat had a spare toothpaste spoon and I borrowed it, but it smelled slightly of sardines and made the brushing experience awkward.

my gender is a mood that only the very wise can decode

Describe your gender with a picture you already have saved on your phone that has nothing to do with gender

Happy 4th :)

My sexuality is a roller coaster up and down the spectrum