What. If. It’s. Not. Meeaaaaannnt. For Me. ……love

not normie enough to fit in but not fringe enough to lean into being a freak, worst of both worlds, pure liminality, just the weird coworker, and unrelatable classmate. and your mutual

posts that make me want to rip my heart out part 4

“As a child, I had trouble forming friendships, and turned instead to fantasy. I could imagine myself into the books I read and, by embellishing the characters, supply myself with precisely the sorts of friends that I’d always longed for. If you have engaged in this kind of fantasizing, you know that the thrill of creativity eventually collapses into a feeling of emptiness. This is the moment when loneliness hits. You’ve prepared yourself an elaborate psychological meal, and you realize, belatedly, that it can never sate your real hunger.”

— Agnes Callard, from “The Problem with Marital Loneliness,” The New Yorker (25 September 2021)

can you two just try to kill each other normally for once

Waking up feeling like shit and giving myself grace like

Does anyone else have an list of 10-15 untouchable thoughts that if you let yourself remeber or think about them for even a second it’s excruciating or is this a me thing

and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, nobody waits for you at night, when you can do whatever you want; but what do you call it; freedom or loneliness?

– Charles Bukowski

this blog is a museum of my heart