I Don’t Get It What Is It?

Christmas Movies Ranked by How Anti-Capitalist They Are

It’s a Wonderful Life

Movies that make you want to pick a fight with the 1% and also weep with joy. Absolutely a classic and anti-capitalist at its very core. Will convince you we need to start oppressing landlords again.

“Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you’re talking about… they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn’t think so. People were human beings to him. But to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they’re cattle.”

SAY THAT!!! George Bailey said fuck landlords, all my homies hate landlords, they have NO rights. Local man believes poor people are human, dedicates his life to helping them, and in his time of the need literally the whole town comes together to support him and his family. Class solidarity ftw!

“Remember no man is a failure who has friends.” Bitch I CRY EVERY GODDAMN TIME. 

10/10

Home Alone

Soundtrack goes hard, the wacky hijinks even harder. 

Loses points because the bandits had a prime opportunity to seize and redistribute some of the wealth from this ritzy Chicago neighborhood and instead they focus their energy on trying to kill an 8-year-old who outsmarts them at every turn.

2/10

Elf

A family favorite in our house. Touches on the overworking and mistreatment of employees through Greenway Press – Walter forced to choose between being with his family on Christmas Eve or losing his job, it’s implied Deb has a pet grooming business on the side to makes ends meet despite being a receptionist at a NY publishing company, etc.

Honestly most of the points come from Jonie’s underrated yet highly relatable storyline. She works in retail, exhausted and cynical towards the high-paced Christmas season which gives her little to no relief or reward, since she’s surviving on ramen noodles and using the employee showers because her water was cut off. Not expanded on enough to be considered a true Marxist piece but the effort is appreciated.

5/10

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Although the meme is correct in that Rudolph’s red nose becomes desirable only once it proves to be useful, it does get points for exposing the harmful nature of forced conformity and those alienated by these capitalist ideals – Rudolph, Hermie, the island of misfit toys – are given a place to belong despite the perceived “flaws” that before made them undesirable.

Also the elves definitely have a free dental-plan now thanks to Hermie and are hopefully on their way to unionizing. Fucking superb you funky little misfit.

6/10

Klaus (2019)

Turns a member of the bourgeoisie into a man I’d trust to carry my mail. Respect for postal workers this movie contains was ahead of its time.

 No direct takedown of the establishment but a heartwarming message – “A true selfless act always sparks another” bITCH I may be crying – that emphasizes the importance of giving to others even when there is no selfish motivation to do so, which is inherently anti-capitalist.  

8/10

The Santa Clause

Scott Calvin starts as a toy executive who takes part in the commercialization of Christmas. He was probably a business major so automatically loses points.

The Santa dynasty itself seems to operate under the cutthroat rules of the business world where you must overthrow (or in this case, throw him off the roof) the former CEO in order to seize power. 

Elves have not unionized or seized the means of production by the end.

0/10

A Christmas Carol 

THE ORIGINAL. Charles Dickens was not even in the neighborhood of fucking around with this one. CREATED the anti-capitalist Christmas genre!!

Rich man treats his employees like shit and gets terrorized by three ghosts on Christmas Eve. Force him to redistribute his wealth by dragging him through a montage of his most epic fails – oh, hey, remember when your fiancé left you? – and make him listen as all his employees and relatives complain about his stingy ass. 

They end this slideshow by throwing this dude into his own grave. DIRECT ACTION. 

Like damn, the ghosts really said, “If you hoard your resources and ignore those in need when you could directly improve/save lives with no cost to yourself, you will die ALONE and you WILL pay for your crimes in hell.” Literally watching this movie is a catharsis for anyone who is or has been poor and working class. 

I’m including all versions of this movie but a special shout out to the Muppet version because it fucks the hardest. 

100/10

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Listen I’m not even in realms of joking with this one. This movie is THE anti-capitalist film of the holiday season. 

WhoVille commercializing Christmas and a fixation on consumer culture to the point where anything and anyONE who cannot be commodified – aka the GRINCH – is alienated? The Whos rediscovering that people should be cherished over material items once it all is stolen and they must confront how empty the holiday has become??

Cindy Lou becoming disillusioned in Christmas – at an age that coincides when many children (those who celebrate Christmas at least) lost belief in Santa and had to wrestle with what the holiday means with the magic gone and they’re more aware of the rampant consumerism that taints the season?? Her resolve to find a meaning that goes beyond material consumption because if a holiday founded on goodwill doesn’t extend that goodwill to everyone, even those society deems undesirable, then what’s the point???

The Grinch despising Christmas because he is unable to participate and isolated from the Whos and also the better qualities within himself? His alienation serving to demonize him further as it allows the public to narrow his valid criticisms of the holiday down to him being different and thus inherently predisposed to evil?? And hmm isn’t it interesting that a LOT of this demonization comes via Mayor Augustus “generously paid for by the tax-payers of Whoville” Maywho, Mr. 1% himself.

The upper vs working class divide evident in the light show competition between Martha May and Betty Lou Who?? The opening scene of the shopping frenzy that mirrors our own consumerist culture and overworking of retail/poster workers??? This entire monologue:

“That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? That’s what it’s always been about. Gifts, gifts… gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I’m saying? In your garbage. I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump. And the avarice… the avarice never ends! ‘I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue.’" 

MARXIST KING. MENTION IT ALL.

1000/10

Yeah I was a fan of the Hunger Games at the time and I thought the same thing you said. The world goes to shit because the Lemons won.

I actually had that idea for a fanfiction. Lightning was sent accidentally to an alternate timeline/dimension where he died because Sarge didn’t switch the fuel. When Our Lightning goes to back to Radiator Springs to get help (he thinks he’s still in his world at this point) he finds the town seemingly abandoned. He’s ambushed by the townies and captured, taken in by them to be interrogated. As they question Lightning and interrogate him he tries to tell the townie that he is Lightning McQueen, for reals. They don’t believe him because their Lightning is dead and that they think he’s one of Axlerod’s agents in disguise to mess with them or go undercover. Mater (who in this timeline never had a bomb on him and is leader of the Rebellion) and Sally come in to cross-examine Lightning with the two looking coldly at him. Mater, starts asking questions that only he and Lightning would know while Sally’s just circling around the two. Lightning passes the questions but they don’t trust him, they won’t kill him because there might be a reason as to how or why Lightning knew the things he did so they keep him around under heavy supervision. Any attempts at escape and the boy is shot dead in his tracks.

Meanwhile in addition to the members of Radiator Springs (including Mia and Tia, Otis, and The King) the World Grand Prix racers and Finn, Holley, and Siddley (they’re one of the few British spies who aren’t working for Axlerod) are are also working for the Rebellion in their respective countries. Often traveling to the main HQ of Radiator Springs to provide updates on the latest activity and plans of action. For a few years, the Lightning in that timeline had been dead, most tourists stopped coming to Radiator Springs because of that. Lightning’s death changed Mater as he went from being happy-go-lucky goofball to serious  to the point of unfeeling and wanting nothing more than to set things right with the world. Holley had felt saddened by how the Mater she’d fallen in love with wasn’t the same. She loved Mater the idiotic, but good-hearted spy, not Mater the miserable and emotionless agent. Staying mostly in the UK division of the Rebellion with Finn, she feels afraid to look at Mater in the eye, but still makes in-person visits to Radiator Springs to pass down the latest intel along with updates on plans and rendezvous. Francesco, in the Italian division has in a way felt like this was his fault, even though it wasn’t and joined in order to make amend. Over the past couple years, he has developed feelings of love for Sally but understands that she might not feel the same way as she had lost someone she loved for years. Francesco knows that if they ever get through this underground war with the Lemons, than he’ll tell Sally.

Why are my idea so weird?

Sorry for the absence this last few weeks. I have been forgetting my own schedule to post these on Fridays. However, I’m going to try and be more consistent. Anyways, this character is Dawna Days, a people pleaser with divorced parents, seems to be on the shy side and has just recently gotten into a relationship with one of the boys in the group, AJ Maye. I call their ship name Maydays. She was kind of a hard character to design because she’s another brunette in the group of girls and the creator of this character isn’t someone that I could contact to ask. I like Dawna, it was fun to figure out how to make her style distinct enough from Tara so they don’t look like twins, but that she would look like her face claim #emilycarey I know plaid clothes would’ve been an impossible design choice in the 1970s because they would’ve need to paint that texture onto the character’s cell sheet. #dawnadays #dawna #days #peoplepleaser #people #pleaser #sevenchronicles #seven #chronicles #strangerthings #calvinhgatsby #stranger #things https://www.instagram.com/p/CfxXnmFF9WA/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Lightning McQueen: Moronic Feminist!

(At the Demolition Derby with Luigi, Guido, and Mack watch from the side in concern. They see Cruz stuck in the mud and Lightning nearby.)

Luigi: Oh shit! Lightning go get-a her out of the mud!

Lightning: I’m not doin’ it. That would be sexist

Luigi, Guido, and Mack: What!?

Lightning: This right here, this situation, this is the damsel in distress trope. And I am not about to contribute to it.

Mack: While I can agree that trope is horrible in this particular situation we need you to do this. She’s in danger.

Lightning: No. It'd be against my moral compass.

Luigi: Your fucking moral compass is a roulette wheel!

Cruz: (increasingly scared for her life) Lightning I know what you mean but this isn’t the time for that.

Lightning: I’m sorry Cruz I can’t do it.

Luigi: Look, she’s already in the situation. You just need to pull her out of it.

Mack: What if we pretend she’s just a crippled car.

Lightning: That’d be denying her sexual identity. Cruz, you do identify as female, right?

Cruz:(annoyed but getting worried over not being able to get out of the mud) Yeah and I understand. Sometimes in our culture things are ridiculous, but face it, situation is situation.

Lightning: I’m sorry. I can’t do it.

Guido: OOOOHHHHHH GOOODD!

Lightning: Think about it from my perspective! What do you see over there?

Luigi: YOUR TRAINER! AND SHE’S IN TROUBLE!

Lightning: Well I see a highly capable girl. Sure life’s beaten her down a little but that’s not gonna stop her. Nothing’s gonna stop her. She can become president of the world one day!

Luigi: NOT IF SHE’S SAWED IN HALF BY MISS FRITTER!

(20 minutes later Luigi, Guido, and Mack leave the two at the derby and back to the trailer)

Luigi: Okay, so we all agree. We’ll hide her body on the beach, if Lightning’s still alive we train somewhere else and never come back here again. We’ll-a tell Sterling we lost Cruz somehow. Good?

Guido: (Nods)

Mack: I like it!

That’s what I think will happen too.

Even in Toy Story 3 the conflict of “your child will grow up and won’t need you” was postponed with Andy giving the toys to Bonnie. She’s going to get older still and give up the toys and it’s just another delay of the inevitable and heartache will restart once again.

Lightning retiring after having one last comeback by beating Jackson would be beautiful, heartbreaking, but hopeful ending that would resolve his internal conflict and having him leave on his own terms. He’d see it as a choice he made, that Doc didn’t have. Doc said there was a whole lot left in him after his crash that he never had the chance to show it, the crash left him bitter and angry at the racing world and he wanted nothing more than to hide and never hear of it again. Lightning doesn’t want to be that, he doesn’t want to be kicked out of the sport he loves, he doesn’t want to become resentful of it when he stops. He wants the choice of retiring, not the fear. Leaving something that you love doing, knowing that you accomplished a lot and made it your choice is a satisfying end.

Him retiring and maybe even becoming Cruz’s crew chief would be his character arc coming full circle, becoming the Doc to a new generation, to Cruz. 

I really hope Lightning does retire at the end of Cars 3

Hear me out: yes, they can do a movie where he’s falling behind new tech, refuses to give up, trains with Cruz, gets revamped, goes into another race and shows those whippersnappers who’s boss. And it could be fun and entertaining and have good characters, and have a message that just because you’re old doesn’t mean you’re out! However, the main emotional conflict for Lightning is unresolved. He still has to let go and retire at some point. There will always be new tech. So really, the main conflict is only postponed.

OR

They could do an ending where he does train, he does get new tech. He could potentially beat Jackson Storm. But then he sees what a promising racer Cruz is (isn’t she supposed to be an aspiring racer?). And he starts to reminisce about his career, and he does realize that he’s had a really great one that will leave a legacy no matter what. And that there’s things he can potentially do with his life (and his wife/girlfriend/whatever) after he’s done racing; his life isn’t over just because he retires. So yeah, maybe he does go in and beats Jackson Storm, just to show that he can and to leave on a high note a la Michael Phelps. But then he retires on his own terms, opening a space for Cruz to enter the circuit, because now he realizes that his legacy can last through the new athletes (again, Michael Phelps–he’s getting beaten by guys who idolized him as kids now and he’s cool as long as they aren’t asses about it). It would close the series, like Toy Story 3, with a message of letting go, letting a younger generation take over, and entering a new chapter of your life. In my opinion, a much stronger and more complex film.

Okay fine. I’ll give in. Probably won’t be responded do to me being so new on the Tumblr.

REBLOG IF YOU WANT A LOVE LETTER FROM A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN YOUR ASK BOX NOW

My OT3:

Lightning/Sally/Cruz- Cool One/Clever One/Cute One

Jackson/Cruz/Natalie- Cool One/Cute One/Clever One

Eugene/Rapunzel/Cassandra- Cool One/Cute One/Clever One

Imagine your OT3 arguing about who is “the clever one”, who is “the cool one”, and who is “the cute one”.

Thank you @worthyofapistoncup and everyone who got me to 100 reblogs!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO FLY THIS THING!

And it all started because some idiot set Sarge on fire and everyone except Fillmore were all too high to know how to through water on him,

lightning KNOWS

WHY ARE YOU TWO AT A DEMOLITION DERBY?!?!

Sally: Hello?

Cruz: Hey what’s up?

Sally: I just called to check on you and Lightning. Is he there?

Cruz: Uh... he can’t come here right now.

Sally: Okay... well tell me when he can.

Cruz: Oh I can’t do that.

Sally: What do you mean you can’t?

Cruz: I mean can’t because he’s racing.

(Loud crashing noises are heard, Cruz cringes as she hopes Sally didn’t hear at all)

Sally: GO CHECK ON HIM!

Cruz: Okay you don’t have to shout at me!

(Cruz zooms to get a better view, horrified and praying that Lightning’s okay)

Cruz: He’s still racing.

(Metal is heard being smashed)

Sally: Where are you two right now?!

Cruz: We're at Derby!

Sally: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE "AT DERBY"?!

Cruz: I MEAN I'M AT DERBY!

SALLY: WHAT DERBY ARE YOU TWO IN?!

Cruz: WE'RE AT A DEMOLITION DERBY!

Sally: WHY ARE YOU TWO AT A DEMOLITION DERBY?!

Cruz: FUCK YOU!!