Glasses Feat. Me Hitting On My Friends

Girl:*walks up to my crowded table* Hey guys, is there anywhere I can sit?

Me:*gives a small smirk* If you want you can sit on my lap, but I’m told my face is way more comfortable..

Group:*Whooping and shouting* OOOO! Oooo!!!

Are you Jewish? Because I want to have eight crazy nights with you!

Are you a mix of oxygen and potassium? Cause I think you’re O K

*clears throat*

Titties

pick up line #16

you must belong in a famous art museum because i louvre you

Your body is a wonderland, and I’d like to be Alice.

THESE ARE SO GOOD

Cult Film Valentine’s day cards!

pick up line #6

roses are red violets are blue sugar i want to go down on you

I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you.