HEAR ME OUT - I Am A POC, A Filipino Who Realized A Bit Too Late About How Cool My Country Is.

Moments of Erens bond with Annie

No thoughts, just sexy aswang

they deserve each other

Okay. If you are doing research - especially history research, here are a couple steps to possibly save your life.

1) Get thee to wikipedia.

Seriously. You can’t site it because it has the academic credibility of some random graffitti, and you can’t quote it because the exact writing and content changes every time it gets edited, BUT:

It will almost certainly be more accurate than printed encyclopedias, which are updated every ten years or so, and only require a few eyes compared to wikipedia, where any trolling will probably get you banned or suspended in hours. Not to mention it’s getting a LOT more peer reviews. So you can’t quote it, but it’s probably fairly accurate.

And the best part? After just about every tidbit of information, there’s going to be a little citation number. If you click it, it’ll take you down to the references section (and even highlight the relevant one). You can then go to the original source - which will be much more credible. What’s more is you’ll have specific page numbers (if it’s a book), and you’ll know exactly what kind of information you’re looking for.

2) If it’s a book, Internet Archive is your best friend

The search function isn’t great if you’re looking up questions like you would into your google (or ecosia - if you want to do a good thing for the earth) search bar, but if you know the author and year the book was published, it’s great. You’ll have this information already on hand from step one, if that’s how you found the book in the first place.

There are about 30 million books on Internet Archive and counting, so there’s a good chance they’re going to have what you’re looking for. However, about half of them are check-out only. Checking out is actually easy. You need to set up a free account, and make sure to give them a valid email address because they will send you a verification email. After that, you can check out any book you want for an hour. (excelent for focus!)

If you are only looking at specific pages, you should be fine, but there’s also other longer options for checking stuff out for some books. (I think?)

Also, in many books, you can search for specific keywords within the book, and there’s a little slider at the bottom to find pages.

3) watch Overly Sarcastic Production’s “How to do research”

Seriously. It’s amazing. My first point is confirmed in the video which is just more proof that I’m right /hj

+++++++

taglist: @candlemouse @bookdragonfanish @book-limerence

as always, if you want to be added to/removed from any of my taglists, just let me know! Lists found pinned to the top of my blog :D

#creating

I remember watching this interview of Hajime Isayama where he said that, when he presented the story of Attack on Titan to its current publishers, he was at the lowest possible point of self-esteem in his life, about himself and about his work, so much so that he was on the brink of giving it all up. It marked me so much because… I was watching this interview precisely because I deeply admired this man’s artistic work. I could not fathom that he would have ever doubted it himself.

It reminded me that you can only trust the work. It really doesn’t matter what your opinion of yourself or your abilities as a creator is. It is entirely irrelevant, even. Worse: it gets in the way of creation. When you focus too much on it, you stop trying and doing. And if there is one thing that cannot be doubted, it is that nothing is achieved without trying and doing. Nothing bad and nothing good.

So really, as long as the desire to create burns your insides and keeps you awake at night and makes your fingers shiver from the need to grab a pen or a brush, there is only one option: keep making. Doubt won’t ever disappear. Creating shall remain this uneasy, vertiginous activity, keeping you on the brink of the abyss.

Follow your guts and have faith in the process. Trust that the work needs to be done, no matter the whims of self-confidence. At the end of the day, your creation may have sprung out of your mind and your knowledge, your experiences and your emotions, your time and your dedication, but it is not you. It may be better; it may be worse; but it is a thing of its own that needs to be done and that only you can do.

Luna: A Magindara’s Tale

A short story I wrote back in 2018 inspired by the Philippine mythological creature: magindara.

language: english, 3k+ words

- ☾ -

The sea engulfed the sun as the night took over the sky. Quiet cool and quiet calm, the moon revealed itself after hiding behind the clouds, illuminating the ripples of water surrounding an island. Sounds of small waves filled a young magindara’s ears as she rested her upper torso on a huge rock. One would rarely see a magindara out of the sea, only surfacing to drive away the humans wreaking havoc beneath the tranquil waters. However, in one particular night, underneath the majestic full moon and blazing stars littered across the sky, the young magindara let the wind kiss her cheeks and dance with her long hair. Her gaze reflected how enamored she was by the sight of the moon, gently but frivolously splashing the water with her blue tail. She started losing herself to the night’s trance, smiling unconsciously.

“Ja!”

The young magindara quickly slipped from the rock that she was positioned on, plummeting into the sea. Gasping and raising her head above the water, she turned to the direction of the familiar voice calling her name. Her eyes met the amused look of her elder sister and fellow magindara, whom she didn’t expect.

“You shouldn’t be up here, Jahaya. Let’s go,” the young magindara’s sister, Pamani, said in a wary tone.

Jahaya, the young magindara, looked hesitant in taking her sister’s advice. Glancing back up at the sky and then back to her sister who was definitely losing her patience, Jahaya only puckered her bottom lip to try and persuade the elder in letting her stay. She pleaded with her eyes as she continued to stick near the rock with no plans of returning to their district. Pamani glared at Jahaya, sighing in disbelief and aggravation.

“It’s late at night! We’re going to get in trouble for this.” Pamani snapped at the younger. She thought Jahaya was being naïve and careless with her actions. Deep within the sea, lies little source of light due to time and it would be hard for them to swim.

“Let’s just stay here, please? We won’t see anything down there if we start swimming now,” Jahaya knowingly said. Pamani, once again, heaved a heavy and defeated sigh. She knew Jahaya was right; nonetheless, she was also right about getting in trouble for not returning to their homes.

“I hate to say this but you’re right.”

The following night, Jahaya was simply back at the surface of the sea. She rushed through the waters, kicking like a dolphin being chased by its predator. Aware that she would end up in trouble for sneaking out at night, Jahaya knew it was best to be quick on her tail. The young magindara, even though she was previously scolded by her family, and mentor, could not be stopped from admiring the beauty of what she knew was dangerous for her— for their world. After all, the world has always been cruelly beautiful to them.

With her head emerging from the water and tilting up to see the stars, Jahaya smiled to her heart’s content. The stars always felt like friends and it sure did feel like a reunion whenever she saw them. For the past years, she lived in the murky, cold, and dark sea. It was not gravely bad; she didn’t despise it. The sea was just never enough.

As she bravely swam to the shore and almost onto the land, the young magindara felt her senses fall into tranquility’s spell of rest. Jahaya sat near the shoreline, her back turned to the island. Her mind was void of the fact that she was being completely impetuous about exposing herself into the open where humans lived. Magindaras and humans were never the best of friends.

“Hey, what are you doing out here?”

Jahaya froze in her place, eyes popping out of their sockets. Her mind completely went blank, unable to register the situation and allow her to escape. She remained turned back to the owner of the voice who asked her the question she left unanswered. The voice sounded foreign, small, and out of genuine curiosity. Soon enough, the owner of the voice took a step forward, the action making a crisp sound on the sand that was very distinct from the calm waves of the sea. Out of pure reflex, Jahaya turned to the stranger who noticed her presence beneath the star-littered sky.

Standing a few feet from the magindara, was a boy who looked the same age as her. It was hard for Jahaya to see him clearly but she was able to decipher his short stature and concerned eyes. She thought about swimming away; but she was unable to move due to how petrified she was.

“Don’t come near me. You’re bad luck,” Jahaya spat darkly, putting up a fearsome demeanor to protect herself from the human boy. Her intentions for the boy were clear as the dark sea. Stepping carefully into the light, the boy’s eyes twinkled in awe at the sight of the magindara. His mouth was set agape with a shocked expression plastered on his face. His gaze took into account Jahaya’s blue tail accented with peach scales, her long dark brown hair, and supposedly sharp brown eyes.

“You’re a magindara! Why are you here? People might find you and kill you!” the boy exclaimed deliberately.

Jahaya’s eyebrows scrunched down together, physically showing that she was confused with the boy’s statement. Constantly asking herself with the question, “Is he trying to help me?” while sitting still, she became a tad bit eager to learn about the boy before her. Such reaction was different from what the elders under the sea told her. She thought all of the humans were vile creatures who would instantly bring harm to her. Jahaya continued to wonder about what made this boy act any different towards her.

Tilting his head to the side, he told her, “I don’t want to cause any trouble. I just don’t want anybody to get hurt. You need to go soon because this island is swarming with people.”

“Why are you trying to help me? Are you not scared of me?” Jahaya asked the boy genuinely, maintaining her curiosity and wary stance at the same time. The boy carefully sat on the sand too, keeping his distance from the magindara to not scare her away. He turned his gaze towards the stars, smiling to himself. “You don’t look scary at all,” the boy innocently told her.

“That’s not the point. I think you know that our kind often kills yours, right?” Jahaya blatantly stated. The young boy turned to her, peering intensely. “I don’t think you kill mindlessly nor is that your intention here in the first place,” he said before taking a glance at the sky. The sky remained the same, breath-taking and overwhelming with glimmer. As a few moments passed by, Jahaya no longer felt scared of the boy; however, she did feel intrigued and annoyed by him.

“The sky is beautiful tonight. Is that why you’re here?” he asked her to confirm his early suspicions. Just by that, Jahaya’s mindset was swayed towards the thought of the moon and the stars. Gaping up the sky herself, the feeling of satisfaction and delight came rushing back to her. She unknowingly smiled, drinking the scene with her eyes. “I don’t see the sky down there. I have to come up here to see them. I really want to see it; even if it means that I’ll be in danger every time. Sihuya taught me how to fight back anyway,” Jahaya rambled without fully registering the thought that she was sharing too much information with a stranger. Once she was able to do so, her eyes widened a fraction, scolding herself in her head and looking down.

“We’re only children! You’re small like me! I’m quite sure that you won’t be able to fight a grown-up just like how I won’t be able to fight a fully-grown magindara,” the boy told her. Jahaya only rolled her eyes at him, even though she acknowledged the fact that he was right.

“I’m already twelve! My tail will surely grow longer and stronger next year and I will be able to swim away really fast if you insist that I won’t be able to fight anyone,” Jahaya snapped back. Giggling at her persistence to prove him wrong, the boy moved closer to Jahaya to be able to talk with her properly. “You’re funny… uh, what’s your name?” he asked the magindara.

Once again, Jahaya visibly froze. The thought of interacting with a human crossed her head once more and it became too real when she saw the boy smiling at her and waiting for her answer. Keeping silent for a few seconds, she examined the boy beside her. She memorized in her head his dark hair, dark skin, warm eyes, and overall lanky body. To her, he indeed looked harmless; but the thought of giving even the smallest amount of trust to the boy did not settle with her. However, as her gaze continued to stay glued to his, she felt herself lower her guard down.

“Jahaya. What’s yours?” she finally said, clearing her throat after. She felt the tiniest bit of regret afterwards; but she decided to disregard it.

“My name is Khani. Does this mean we’re going to be friends?”

Both of them chuckled slightly, turning their gaze back to the sky afterwards. The question was left unanswered because neither of the two knew the exact answer. After all, magindaras and humans were never the best of friends.

- ☾ -

After four years, the sea was disturbed with vigorous paddling and numerous webs of rope clawing at its possessions. Boisterous talking erupted from the fishermen who were responsible for such chaos. They continued to take the sea’s pearls, shells, and fish; irking the sea’s guardians. Gathering the fish in big nets and collecting corals, the fishermen remained oblivious to the magindaras who already had their eyes on taking them down.

“Jahaya, remember everything I taught you. The sea needs your help and you must give it to her,” Sihuya, her long-term mentor, stated. Jahaya gave her mentor a stern nod before swimming away quickly. She swam with anger and determination raging in her system, reaching the moving boats on the surface of the sea. She decided to carefully follow them, her mind slipping into the natural state the sea intended it to be. The seafloor began to grow taller and before she knew it, she was by the shore.

“There were so many pearls down there! We can trade them for silk.” Jahaya heard a fisherman blurt out loudly. Stealthily raising her head from the water, she saw two oblivious fishermen sorting out their new catch. She swam a few meters away from them so that her appearance would not be too clear for them. She did not want to reveal her secret just yet.

When Jahaya achieved the proximity she desired, she turned her back towards the island and began to sing a sweet melody. The melody she sang was newly made by her mentor, Sihuya. She was confident that the melody would instantly lure the humans. This was proven to be true when the footsteps behind Jahaya became more audible than before. Calling out to her, the fishermen made the biggest mistake of ever stepping into the sea again after taking all its possessions.

“Akin ka.”

With the last two words of the song, Jahaya quickly faced the two fishermen and gave them a sweet but sinister smile. Once she caught a glimpse of their stupefied expressions, she went back into the water and grabbed the two fishermen by their feet. Jahaya dragged the two men with all of her strength, swimming towards the deep depths of the sea.

After such an event, Jahaya started gaining control over her conscious mind. The feeling of exhaustion and regret stayed afloat in her head. She hated how nature intended her to be even if she could never fight against it. She steadily swam towards the shoreline, releasing an exasperated sigh as she sat down on the sand. The waves washed over her blood-stained tail, calming her down. Gazing up at the sky, a tiny smile appeared on her face when the moon and stars became visible to her.

“Tired?” Jahaya’s smile became bigger upon hearing the question. Turning to her right, she saw Khani with a smile on his face too. He sat down beside her, mimicking her actions by admiring the sky. The two uttered nothing to each other, basking in each other’s presence under the moonlight. After a few minutes, Khani ended up staring at Jahaya; noticing how lost she was gazing at the sky. Sighing, he looked down to see newly formed wounds on her hands. Khani, without even giving it a second thought, already knew that they were from Jahaya’s victims.

“I never really liked killing people. I just want to protect the sea,” Jahaya muttered quietly when she noticed Khani’s scrutinizing stare. His eyes softened at her aloof form, feeling his chest grow heavy at the sight of his distressed friend of four years.

After their first encounter, the two of them started to see each other at night. Their encounters stayed between them and soon, Jahaya became Khani’s secret while Khani was hers. Jahaya watched Khani grow into a young man responsible enough to partake in tilling the soil of their land. His hard labor not only showed itself on his taut muscles but his soul’s maturity. Naturally, the magindara grew up too, doomed to a fate she deeply abhorred. Nonetheless, the moon decided to mesh their souls. Khani became a huge part of Jahaya as she wished that she could be with him all the time. The boy thought the same, yearning for the night at every given hour. Their friendship continued to blossom but stayed unbeknownst to the world.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Khani snapped out of his daze, blinking rapidly. “Like what?” he asked the magindara. Jahaya only frowned at him before her eyes met his. “Like I’m the best gift that this world has ever given you,” she cheekily said with a teasing grin on her face. The two of them shared a quick laugh, distracting themselves from all of life’s heart-wrenching complications.

Releasing a contented sigh, Jahaya leaned her head on her friend’s shoulder. Khani instinctively draped his arm over her, keeping her close to him. He placed his head on top of hers, directing his gaze up at the moon afterwards.

“You know, we always say that we’re each other’s secret but I don’t think that’s entirely true,” Khani whispered to Jahaya. The magindara scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion and said, “What? Do you think someone’s watching us right now?” Khani chortled a little before pointing to the sky. “The moon and the stars have always been our witnesses,” he told her. Jahaya let out an unamused laugh to purposely get under Khani’s skin. However, he knew her too well to see that she liked the thought of that.

The two stayed together for the rest of the night, staring at the moon and stars. Their minds quietly shared the same thought of these celestial bodies staring back, hearts beating in sync and ears attentive to one another’s breathing. Sadly, as the sun slowly came to life, Jahaya and Khani knew that the moon and stars could not always watch them; just like the way the two of them could not always see each other.

- ☾ -

The scorching heat burned Jahaya’s skin. Closing her hazy eyes, the sun’s rays felt like shards of glass piercing through her body. Although she felt immense pain, it was not enough to bring her back from her unconscious mind. Jahaya unknowingly let go of a boy’s deceased body, numb to everything else but fatigue. She held into the sand, her eyes dark as the murky sea. The foul smell of decaying bodies took over her system; but she sat there, unwavering and unaware. Soon enough, other magindaras emerged from the sea with human bodies occupying their clutches. Jahaya watched with a befuddled look as they continued to dump the humans on the island with expressionless faces and robotic gestures. When the deed was done, she swam back to the darkness she belonged to.

Above the sea, numerous boats carried the humans and their dangerous voyage. Having their home rattled, the magindaras were left with no choice but to continuously kill fishermen in order to defend their home. Most of the magindaras were out of their right state of mind, seeing most of their loved ones affected by the humans’ trespassing. Some were driven by anger and some were driven by pure devastation, dragging the fishermen to the depths of the sea and mercilessly drowning them.

“Sunset is near! We must retreat, now!” Jahaya heard their mentor, Sihuya, shout through the expanse of the sea. Hearing this, Jahaya felt relieved that the day was about to end. She weakly swam back to their district, slowly gaining back control in exchange for buried memories of the day.

As the night slowly took over, Jahaya snuck out for the nth time to see her friend. She was ready to have the highlight of her day, briskly swimming towards the island that her friend inhabited. Seeing a light glow surrounding the new moon, she patiently sat by the shore waiting for Khani. Jahaya closed her eyes for a while, letting the serenity of her surroundings take over. Opening her eyes, she hoped that she would already see Khani by her side again; however, she did not see him.

How could she when she already had him in her arms beneath the sun?

- ☾ -

The sea engulfed the sun as the night took over the sky. Quiet cool and quiet calm, the moon revealed itself after hiding behind the clouds, illuminating the ripples of water surrounding an island. Sounds of small waves filled a magindara’s ears as she sat on her usual spot on the sand. One would rarely see a magindara out of the sea, only surfacing to drive away the humans wreaking havoc beneath the tranquil waters. However, in one particular night, underneath the majestic full moon and blazing stars littered across the sky, the magindara let a human boy’s lips kiss her cheeks as his fingers combed through her hair. Her gaze reflected how enamored she was by the sight of him, gently but frivolously splashing the water with her blue tail. She started losing herself to the night’s trance, smiling unconsciously.

“The sky is beautiful tonight, right?” Jahaya asked the wind. The magindara turned to her side, seeing her old friend of seven years. He appeared with the same youthful glow that left Jahaya bewildered. Staring back at her reflection on the water, she wondered why she looked older than him. Nevertheless, she gave him a smile, eyes soft and fond. Turning her gaze back up at the moon and stars, she carefully leaned her head on her friend’s shoulder. She immediately felt cold, unlike the usual warmth she basked in when he would drape his arm around her. “Look, the moon and stars are watching us,” Jahaya whispered softly into thin air.

“Ja…”

The magindara quickly turned to the familiar owner of the voice, seeing Pamani staying afloat in the water. Pamani eyed her sister with an uneased expression, noticing her lack of glow and dead eyes. Frantically looking around and seeing no one but her reflection on the sea, sorrow started to cloud Jahaya’s form. She felt her chest grow heavy, seeing that Khani was not there with her.

He hasn’t been— for years.

“You shouldn’t be up here, Jahaya. Let’s go,” her sister said. Labored breathing filled the once dead silence, Jahaya muttering incoherent words to herself. Pamani made a move to approach her younger sister; but she immediately stopped when Jahaya held a hand up.

Jahaya attempted to push away the truth. She gazed back up at the blurred sky, seeing the moon and the stars staring down at her. Soon enough, tears started to cascade down her cheeks and blur her vision of the entities completely. The moonlight shone on her, reminding her of its difference between the sun’s rays. Sobs erupted from the back of her throat as the urge to scream came rushing to her. Jahaya opened her mouth to do so; but no sound came out for she could only sing a sweet melody.

“Jahaya, please,” Pamani pleaded. The older magindara only watched her sister get lost in her own thoughts and sight of the sky, having her own tears blur her own eyesight.

Jahaya sat still on the sand, letting her hand graze over Khani’s empty spot beside her. Instead of his arms around her, moroseness embraced Jahaya. Gone was her hatred for losing control, driving into complete lunacy.

-

yeah its advanced… advanced gayness

I rendered some characters of the Philippine Mythopoeia book in the style of Renaissance grotesque, with creeping flora, weird fauna, monsters, and deities.

So it has been discussed that Dark Academia is quite Eurocentric and a bit (if not so much) elitistic. If you like it, it's alright, though.

If you, my Filipino mutuals, felt that Dark Academia is pretentious, maybe (just maybe) it's because we cannot really relate to it while its western practices cannot awake our connection to its roots. For us, it is just "aesthetics" and will never be a "way of life".

Personally, I like the dark hues of dark academia, but I'm a lover of Filipino culture eh.

I would like to gather your thoughts about the Dark or Light Academia aesthetics and lifestyle in Filipino cultural settings. I'm sure I can find many Filipinos here who have ventured more into reconnecting with the indigenous academic culture than I have.

Let's start! (lol haba ng intro ko, eto lang pala 'yon)

Share any media, books, movies, objects, study materials pertaining to the following categories: my examples, without pictures because I'm uncreative.

Book Reco: any myth book, tbh

Poets to read: Andres Bonifacio (for those who don't know, this boi made a poem about Sidapa)

Writing Instruments: Bamboo and ink

Classical Musical instruments: Talaandug (alam nyo yung bamboo flute ni Agilus sa Mulawin, yun 'yon)

Must study: Baybayin

Study Table snacks: Puto pao

Coffee and Tea Reco: Barako, tanglad tea, lavender tea, turnate tea, and Sampaguita tea, all of which are grown in south east asia and can be found in shopee/lazada.

Philosophy and ethics: I'm blank on this one. Sadly, I only know Nietzschean and Confucian.

Objects that should adorn your study table: sari manok, because I'm basic and edgy.

Objects that should adorn your wall: T'boli weaving, Fernando Amorsolo works, random wooden stick you found in the wild

Objects that should adorn your book shelf: clay pot, random wooden stick you found in the wild

Garments: red saya (I have 3! Who cares about heat death!)

All I can give are basics and general, I'm that surface level. Please share your knowledge to celebrate Filipino Academia aesthetics/life style.

((edit: ah, the problem of study aesthetics is the consumerism that comes with it. So a reminder, don't feel forced to buy anything. We're just vibing. And if you can buy things, go local as much as you can.))

Reblog if you call the wind by whistling.

I had the habit of whistling the call of birds when the wind is saturated. It’s not like I believe in it, but oftentimes, I suddenly feel the wind coming after one set of call. I learned it from the elders, and I’m still seeing some youth do it.

One time, I was with a non-local friend (he’s Filipino, just very westernized) and we were walking under the harsh sun with no wind. I whistled, and a gush of wind came. He asked why did I do that, to which I answered while the wind brushed my hair, “I’m calling the wind.” with such a serious voice I might be a diety. Later on I realized he doesn’t know about our force of habit, and since I didn’t want to be seen as crazy, I said, “FORGET ABOUT THAT! IT WAS A FORCE OF HABIT AROUND HERE.”

So yeah, we whistle for the wind. The only being in the universe you can whistle for.