My Anxiety: Your Friend Thinks You’re Annoying And She Doesn’t Like You.

The only revenge I ever got:

Me: I think I’m autistic.

Coworker: No you’re not. Trust me, my brother is autistic so I know what it looks like.

*after the coworker has left and come back a year later*

Me: Hey do you remember that conversation we had last year about me not being autistic?

Coworker: Yeah?

Me: I got diagnosed. I am autistic. You were wrong.

For like a year in junior high, I asked people to call me Dustin, which is not my name. I don’t really remember why I wanted them to call me Dustin but I think it was because my favorite character at the time was named Dustin and I thought he was the coolest dude ever because he had a motorcycle. And then in high school I had to work with this girl on a project and she called me Dustin, and it unlocked memories I had long since forgotten. And I remembered that just now because they took most of the Power Rangers series off Netflix.

It's hard trying to talk to my mother because when you try to get an answer out of her, she'll imply something that she's not saying and she refuses to say what she means. And when YOU say what you mean, she believes there's a hidden meaning and she won't actually answer your question because she thinks you’re trying to say something else.

Music is powerful because it hurts. It actually, very physically hurts. It feels like a thick balloon is inflating behind your chest and it's spreading to your stomach and arms and fingers and you want to curl into yourself as if that will stop it from growing but it continues on. The nostalgia will only ever be nostalgia. The weekly visits with a friend are now barely even a text every few months. The fandom you dedicated your life to is barely even a passing thought anymore. The ideas that ran through your head now gather dust as a forgotten word document. Life is better, sure, but life used to have them. Why couldn't life be better and still keep them?

This would have never happened if you hadn’t listened to that music. But oh how beautiful those memories are, and there's a smile on your face despite the balloon threatening to pop if you listen a moment longer.

Imagine your f/o singing the last song that you listened to

Was looking at my face in the mirror after getting a haircut that is similar to my mother's and I was like "Wow I look like my mom. . . And you know I see some of my dad in there too." Like no 😱 You don't say?????

I will point out the most obvious things like it’s a novelty.

"Wow, Dad, Uncle looks so much like you!"

"That’s because he's my brother."

"Yeah. And he LOOKS it."

Or

"Wow, *voice actor* really sounds like *character*!"

"He voices him."

"Yeah, and he sounds like him too! :)"

Sometimes I want to text my friends happy things, but then I wonder if they’re feeling like being happy, and maybe they’re actually having a bad day and I shouldn’t be happy while they’re sad, so sometimes I don’t text my friends at all.

Winter is coming. Someday, I will learn to love the snow weather.

My ex best friend gave me a blanket for Christmas, back when we were still friends. The other day my mom asked if I was going to keep it and I was like, well, it’s a blanket, so yes. She asked why I would keep something from someone I hate, and I responded that it’s still useful no matter who gave it to me. She took a sip of her water and said to me while looking out the window, “That’s what is called having no morals.”

One of my best friends will no longer be my coworker, so that means that now more than ever I cannot tell her that I love her, because her leaving means most of our interactions will be through texts, which means it will be easier to idolise and create my own image of her. The bad news is, I was talking about love languages with her and said I wanted to spend money on her because “money is my love language”, and then she said she loved me “too” and then I realised I inadvertently told her I loved her so anyway life was a mistake