In A Constant State Of ‘how Dare You Assume I Know What I’m Doing’ But Also ‘don’t You Dare

It is our duty as feminists to protect and respect women in Hijabs

Are… are these trees on fire or do I need to see someone about my pyromania?

School really had me thinking my biggest problem was gonna be quicksand

Friend: “How’s that book coming along?”

Me: “Which one?”

Friend: “You already finished one?!”

Me and my seventeen half-finished prologues of various novels and thirty other abandoned books with absolutely no endings: “Well, you see...”

Hey, trama + time = comedy

So this’ll probably be hilarious in like, 10 years

what I imagine heterosexual marriage to be like

brad: hey hon, whats for dinner

susan: vegetable soup

brad: 

susan: what

brad: its just that I had a really long day at work and I was hoping for a little more than….vegetable soup

susan: im fucking your brother

I didn’t ask “what?” because I didn’t hear you, my brain still runs on internet explorer and the information hasn’t loaded yet

When I was in high school I managed to get myself haunted by this really helpful passive aggressive ghost. I’ll elaborate: one of the times I lost my phone, which was on silent, I started panicking and I asked my friend Jessie who was with me if she’d seen my phone anywhere, and at that moment the ghost threw it across the room with enough force to dent my wall.

I still think about that ghost anytime I loose my phone. If you’re out there reading this, please come back; I can’t find any of my shit.