Your Art Reminded Of How The Unholy Alliance Update Made Me Go From Very On The Vence About Narinder

For the humans are weird thing. What would aliens think about humans going diving for fun

Ohhh my god, they would think it’s not only wild but horrifying.

The first time we explain the usage of oxygen tanks to them, they’re like “oh neat! That’s very smart, humans, it’ll help you catch food-”

But then we explain how no, its not to help us catch food. Its so we can swim with sharks. And the aliens are just like…you’re joking right?

So we explain scuba diving in order to admire the beauty of the ocean and honestly, just to chill. And they’re just horrified for us, that we risk drowning just to swim with fish?? But then we tell them about cage diving and they just. lose their fucking minds.

Not only are we underwater with nothing but a tank of oxygen that could rupture at any point but we’re also surrounding ourselves with apex predators, locking ourselves in a cage so there’s no easy way to escape. And if the cage detaches from the boat? Well then you’re done for. 

And we do this? for fun!?

We risk hearing damage and sickness due to the pressure of the ocean just because we want to see how far down we can get? We risk attacks from ocean predators because we want to swim with them!? They’ve seen what Great White Sharks do to seals! They watched Planet Earth! And all we have to protect us is a flimsy cage which we KNOW they’re powerful enough to break.

And the fact that we’re always trying to go deeper and deeper just to see whats there baffles them. No one can really get a straight answer out of humans as to why we do this. Usually the only thing we have to say about it is “well, just because.”

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I quite genuinely don't remember if I've sent this before so if I have deal free to delete

Vampire Sausage, Dragon Fwhip, Elf/Demigod Scott and Siren Jimmy

Scott is the only one Sausage can regularly feed on because he's the most human, siren blood makes vampires like they're on something/hj and dragon blood is very bitter

All of them are Fwhip's hoard and he likes to cover them is redstone because shinys!! One time another dragon hybrid noble flirted with Jimmy and Fwhip may have almost burned down the tavern but it's fine!

I'm basing Scott after how gods work in The Kane Chronicles because I can. So Aeor can float in Scott's head but mostly leaves him alone. This leads to moments where Jimmy has to be held back from fighting the god that lives in his boyfriend's head. Scott wraps his wings around the others to help them warm up when it's snowy

Jimmy's voice is rather weak for a siren (because he got shot in the throat and died in 3rd life lol) but still very powerful. He can't force you to do anything that your 100% against like murder but if you've genuinely considered it he can shift how much your willing to do it. Sirens are more protective of areas then objects like dragons are. It's more of a get of my territory then get away from my horad.

I still find this true but also fun because of afterlife origins. Fwhip dragon canon!

batman: what’s the situation?

commissioner gordon: Harley and Ivy have hijacked an AM radio station and taken the employees hostage

batman: what are their demands?

commissioner gordon: they haven’t issued any. they, uh.

batman:

[commisioner gordon turns on the radio]

harley: —you gotta walk away, sweetie. His family sounds completely toxic, if not outright emotionally abusive, and he’s too enmeshed to see it.

caller: no, you’re right. you’re right. I gotta do it.

harley: you got this, honey. now, stay on the line a minute, I’m writing down some the names of some books for you and you can get those from Ivy after we’re done. okay! our next caller —

[commisioner gordon turns off the radio]

batman: what station is this?

commisioner gordon: WGTM.

batman: the one that rebroadcasts rush limbaugh?

commissioner gordon:

batman:

commisioner gordon: you know what, i probably didn’t need to call you for this.

The thing is, with our skeletons the way they are, humans can bend. We make a point of becoming more flexible, bending this way and that and sometimes it for sure can look like we’ve got no structure. A lot of alien races are fascinated with how we move and bend because sometimes its so fluid. 

Especially in fights. 

They see us thrown against walls, flying through the air, our limbs bending in, what to us is unnatural ways, but the aliens don’t know we aren’t supposed to do that. To them, we seem like ragdolls, our bodies flopping and waving all over the place. They’re not gentle with us, throwing us over their shoulders in the rush to retreat and get back to the base, and even when not in a fight, they tend to throw us around with wild abandon (its usually no big deal, most humans think its hilarious and fun and no one really minds.)

And then they find out about our bones. 

Its a quiet, tense moment. A team had been dispatched to ‘ease the switch in political leaders’ on one of the more difficult inner planets and the current monarch was not having it. In a final attempt to keep control, the monarch had thought using one of the humans on the team as a  hostage was a good idea. They’re holding the human in a way that would look painful, arm twisting too far and the monarch is shouting, demanding that they be left in control. The others on the team are just grinning because if the monarch is threatening to break the human, they’re in for a big surprise. Humans don’t have a structure. They flop around as they please, held steady as simply a mass of meat!

The monarch, it seems, doesn’t like to be laughed at. The pull, and twist and-

SSS-NAP

And the human is screaming, their face contorted in pain. The monarch jerks the arm around. An audible -pop- fills the room, and the team hear it just over the screams of their friend. Then comes the other arm -SNAP- and the leg -CRACK-

The human is bent, but…its in a way that the others have seen often and isn’t that…isn’t that fine? Aren’t they supposed to do that? What was that horrible snap? As it turns out, one can’t hear very well the snapping of bones in the pandemonium of battle. 

Everyone’s a bit quiet, struck by the shouts of pain and sobs coming from their human before finally, mercifully, they pass out. Then all hell breaks loose. The rest of the team dispatch the monarch with unusual ease and entirely too quickly. Then, as gently and slowly as they can, they pick up the human. The angles of their limbs look sickening to them now, and they bring them back to the base where, for once, they actually stay in the medical bay to watch them be patched up and their bones reset. 

From then on, they are much more careful with their human companion and feel the proper amount of horror and concern upon seeing them thrown about in a fight. Still, it takes some time to convince them that yoga is an alright thing to do and that no, Susan is a contortionist, her body CAN do that. 

The Taken

This story was written in response to this post. I hope you enjoy :)

Nihijb had always been scared and alone. But nothing quite scared her as much as the rumours whispered in passing every now and again. It’d started to be more frequent lately.

Humans. Deathworlders. Sentient life from the most dangerous, least habitable corner of the galaxy. Beings that liked to take the ones who no one kept an eye one. The outcasts and lonely were abducted by them. Every time one of them saw someone they could take without a protective being willing to take them on for this person’s sake, they would do just that.

People were not sure what happened to the Taken. They did not return to talk about it, and everyone only whispered about it - but everyone knew it was happening. No matter the planet, no matter the race, no one without strong backing was safe.

Nihijb was not safe either. She was right there, the perfect victim. That was why she was listening more closely to the speculations.

The Taken were probably forced to work for the humans. They might become test subjects or food - though humans apparently had officially claimed they would not condone such behaviour from anyone, that they would start a war to end that kind of thing.

Many suspected that the Taken were trained. Made into soldiers. A gigantic, brainwashed, interspecial army ready at the fingertips of those humans. But the human ambassadors emphasised that there was no army.

Nihijb shuddered at the thought that she might end up like that. That was the worst thing other children had taunted her with: That they hoped she would be taken and vanish as part of that gruesome mystery forever.

It was cold the night it happened. Cold and dark. Darker, actually, than her home planet with its midnight sun usually was. The clouds must have been rather thick.

The human was hurrying by the ally Nihijb was sitting in, her breath held anxiously to try and go unnoticed. The human, tall and clothed in a garment Nihijb recognised as a dress fluttering in the nightly winds, froze regardless. And as she could feel both her hearts to speed up in terror, she wondered whether this human’s ears were keen enough to hear it. She had heard they had creepily keen senses.

The human approached slowly, strangely enough keeping a polite, reassuring distance from the terrified Ne’av. They even sat down in a way Nihijb was sure they could not stand up from quickly.

Or maybe they just knew it looked like that and they were trying to lower her guard. Might be that, too.

The human flashed their teeth, and Nihijb nearly fainted. Before she could stutter out an apology for whatever offence she could have committed, they spoke with their strange, flown voice that sounded like the whispers of the winds: “Hi there, little one. What are you doing here all alone? Do you need help finding home?”

Nihijb had heard a rumor that humans could hear when one lied. So lying was futile. But if she spoke truthfully, she would be revealing herself as the perfect victim she was.

“I… I don’t want to leave this place.” That was not a good answer. But the winds had the words echoing through the ally, and she knew she could not take them back.

Yet the human did not answer to the defiance an unresponsiveness she’d shown them, looking around the ally instead. “It’s a nice ally. Seems… comfy? It’s warmer than right outside it, at least. And it’s clean… somewhat.”

Nihijb had not expected them to agree with her. She had expected many things, but none of them had been so… positive? Approachable?

"Say, little one, this… isn't where you live. Right?"

The weird windy voice was soft, compassionate. Nihijb did not know how to feel about that. But for now, she decided to answer truthfully since that ought to be better than angering the beast in front of her: "I just… Don't want to go back there."

The human's face-fur did something funny. Their eyebrows, was it? Since when was fur supposed to move around your face? Was it sentient? Nihijb hoped not, that'd be beyond terrifying.

"That's not good… What made you not wanna go back?"

Nihijb shuddered, pressing against the hard wall behind her and lowering her eyes sadly. She did not want to say it, didn't want herself to admit it out loud. As if that'd make a difference. She knew it didn't, and she knew she should not defy a human, but…

No. Defiance was let go once before, surely that must've been the worse decision. "I am" - Nihijb sighed - "hated. By the gods. The missing limb I was born without is proof of that. That's why they… I don't… I promise I wasn't… But…"

Somehow the human must have understood her absolute gibberish response that Nihijb herself didn't fully know the meaning of. At least the human… summed? Hummed? Something like that. A response, maybe in their home world language.

"So they abuse you at home. Because you were born missing an arm and are considered hated by your gods now?"

Nihijb nodded, sadness sounding inside her heart like the ever present rustling of the leaves on the fertile ground. The human pressed their lips together, and she was not sure what it meant, but that was the moment the fear installed by the rumours came back with a vengeance. There was only one direction this could go, and it was not a good one.

"You can say no if you don't want to."

A sentence Nihijb had not expected to be directer at her ever, much less by a human. But one that reassured her nevertheless. A lot.

"But I would like to offer you a way out of this life." They reached forward, their claw stopping a decent distance away from Nihijb, talons turned to face towards the earth. Showing their wrist. A strangely pacifistic gesture to come from a deathworlder.

"Come with me? I have a lot of blue-ra- uh… movies we can watch. There's a few other kids like you staying with me, too. I know goind with a stranger isn't ideal. And I'm no therapist or educationalist, but I oughta be able to do better than those people. I promise you can go any time you want, so…"

Nihijb was not sure what it was. Maybe the way the human sounded so nervous. Or the safe distance they had kept the entire time. Or their compassionate gaze. But as she contemplated the deathworlder before her, who'd been the first one to talk to her like an actual person, she suddenly couldn't help but feel that they were right. Maybe the brainwashing had begun already, but she somehow believed this human that her life would be better with the deathworlder than her homeworlders.

Nihijb ended up taking the human's hand.

On the ship, she found about seven other people waiting for the human. A blind ocheraha and an ocheraha she could not see anything wrong with that looked very similar to the first one. A kjek'kr covered in scars. A sethuzu without any glowing marks. A rorrlchra with purple feathers. An adult hehehit making weird motions with his hands with a questioning look on his face. And another human, this one with red fur on their head and clothed in what appeared like one of those "suits"?

"This child will stay with us for now. Everyone, please be nice to her." The human in a dress turned to Nihijb, bearing their teeth a bit again. "Welcome to the Neverland - Fahijet chose the ship's name based on her favorite movie." The hehehit grew red, so Nihijb supposed that was Fahijet.

The other human let out a sigh, though, statling Nihijb. "Honey, we have to stop adopting homeless alien children now." Their green eyes took in Nihijb and suddenly the human made a chocked sound. "… Right after this one. Hello, my precious little friend. I'm sure my big idiot of a wife forgot to do the introductions, so allow me to do it! Welcome to the family, princess."

"I am not a princess?" That was all Nihijb could answer, because… Wow. Just, wow.

"Well, to me you are. You're my little princess now, so that's that." The human bared their teeth too, and Nihijb suspected it was actually some kind of friendly gesture.

For some reason, it felt as though she would not regret her choice.

A very happy week later, she asked Fahijet why the humans were not simply revealing the truth about the Taken. She answered with her hands - hand speech, that was what it was, she was mute - that the humans said it was too bothersome. "But I think they do it to protect us. The rorrolchra and many others wouldn't let people like Ruirem, people like us go otherwise."

Nihijb had lost count of the how many-th time it was that she started crying since entering the Neverland with her new mom. But not once had those tears been sad.

Nihijb didn't have to be scared nor alone anymore.

Quinlan: I’VE FOUND HER! *Force pushes Obi-Wan’s bedroom door open*

Obi-Wan: *jumps out of bed, lightsaber in hand, recognizes Quinlan* Yes, Quinlan, please barge into my quarters. I wasn’t sleeping.

Quinlan: THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU OBI! I AM HAVING A CRISIS.

Obi-Wan: *falls back on bed* What crisis?

Quinlan: *collapses beside him* MY NEMESIS, MY TRUEST ENEMY!

Obi-Wan: …Madame Nu?

Quinlan: What, no. Jocasta has been regulated to third under MY RIVAL and your skeevy grandmaster.

Quinlan: I’ve found THE COMPETITOR FOR THE FAIR FOX’S HEART. The one who kept slipping in with those cookies and scented thank you notes and who bribed the Guardlings.

Obi-Wan: I know I am going to regret this. But who?

Quinlan: Riyo Chuchi.

Obi-Wan: The senator from Pantora?

Quinlan: Obviously. A truly manipulative schemer. Despicable. Clever. Ruthless.

Obi-Wan: Are you sure it’s the same person? Riyo Chuchi is basically a sentient gummybear.

Quinlan: A gummybear soaked in 100% Pantoran vodka maybe. I thought I was unlucky Obi-Wan. She’s been sabotaging me for weeks and I didn’t even realize it was intentional. I almost respect it.

Obi-Wan: ….and what does that have to do with me?

Quinlan: As the biggest slut I know-

Obi-Wan: Retired.

Quinlan: As the biggest retired slut I know, I need your help seducing a man before that alcoholic gummybear wins.

Obi-Wan: If I help you will not break into my apartment for three months.

Quinlan: One.

Obi-Wan: Two.

Quinlan: One and a half.

Obi-Wan: Deal.

Quinlan: Operation Bag A Fox is a go.

if a hand kiss isn’t done with either reverent trembling and closed eyes or with a certain slow sensuality and direct ‘fuck me’ eye contact, you are wasting my time and everyone else’s

What if Aurebesh but with my calligraphy pen?

I hope you don't mind that I borrowed Chad, Purse and Ellys for quick practice @chadism-101 @fooolisher and @puirell

It was a ship wide rule to never interrupt human’s movie night. It was a quiet and safe group activity to strengthen their pack bond, and it was normally a movie that other species couldn’t understand. I knew this rule, but curiosity got the better of me.

After watching the entire movie with the humans, I went to the ship’s biologist. He allowed me inside.

“What troubles you Cannan?” Ghro asked.

“I joined the humans’ movie night. I had always heard their movies were more, fantastical. The feats were certainly impossible, but there appeared to be no discernible story. The humans seemed very intense while watching, so I know I must be missing context.”

Ghro nodded. “Many human movies require specific context to understand. Tell me, what is the name of the movie and I will research it for you.”

“They called it Olympic.”

Ghro paused. “Cannan, this is very important, did they call it only by Olympic or was there something else?”

“The Olympic maybe. Does that matter?” I asked.

Ghro nodded, and pressed a button to page a medic.

“You’re scaring me,” I said, glancing instinctively towards an exit.

“What you saw was not a fictional movie. You were watching The Olympics, a quadrennial competition of human athletes all attempting to best previous human limits.”

I laughed. “No, of course not. One human ran 100 minsecs in 8.97 seconds. You can’t possibly expect me to be so foolish as to believe you.”

Ghro said nothing. I frowned.

“This isn’t funny Ghro.”

“I’m not joking.”

I stood up, aggravated. “I know humans are absurd but they aren’t super beings. They have limits. Humans are meant for land and climbing, so the female who swam faster than a frullo is not real.”

Ghro said nothing again. I shook my head.

“Take it back! It’s not real! Humans cannot lift as much as a Helvsparr! Four arms are stronger than two!”

Ghro glanced at the page indicator. He wouldn’t tell me the truth. I felt anxiety rise. I grabbed my arms.

“Humans aren’t capable of that. They just aren’t. Their bodies can’t handle it.” I insisted.

“Those humans in the Olympics train their entire lives to reach these limits and push past them. You are not the first to fail to understand how their body allows this. Many scientists have been retired because their minds could not grasp the lunacy of human biostats.”

I had to know. I had to know. I turned and ran.

-

I knew Cannan was not prepared for the truth. Unfortunately his species, Faetatia, can identify lies with frightening accuracy. I had no choice but to give him the truth.

He could not handle the truth, and so his instinct to run kicked in. I got up and followed him, keeping a safe distance. I also alerted the medics to find us in the halls.

I found Cannan gripping a human, Mario, and screeching for the truth. Mario looked concerned and unsure.

Medics came and used a gas to render Cannan unconscious and carted him away. He would undergo testing to be sure his mental functions were still well and then reassigned to a ship without humans.

“Ghro, what happened?” Mario asked.

“Cannan watched the Olympics and could not believe that humans are capable of such things.”

“Oh. You told him those were extreme cases right? Not every human is like that?” Mario asked.

“I could not, because every human has the potential. That thought frightens many, too many.”

“I guess the Olympics are gonna be banned on ship wide movie nights then, huh?” Mario asked.

“I’m not sure. They do just as good a job of pacifying humans as they do frightening other species, so it is the Captains call.”

do you see this shit my liege