Humans Are Weird: Nerf Wars

Thank you Technoblade for being a comfort in a time when things were moving so slow yet changing so fast. Thank you Alex for making such an amazing community. Technoblade never dies, and never will.

I built a nap hole in my closet which is great and has no downside until someone comes into my room looking for me and I have to crawl out of my closet which is frankly impossible to do with dignity and without looking like a sleepy Gollum hissing “what does it wants who wakes us up”

The thing is, with our skeletons the way they are, humans can bend. We make a point of becoming more flexible, bending this way and that and sometimes it for sure can look like we’ve got no structure. A lot of alien races are fascinated with how we move and bend because sometimes its so fluid. 

Especially in fights. 

They see us thrown against walls, flying through the air, our limbs bending in, what to us is unnatural ways, but the aliens don’t know we aren’t supposed to do that. To them, we seem like ragdolls, our bodies flopping and waving all over the place. They’re not gentle with us, throwing us over their shoulders in the rush to retreat and get back to the base, and even when not in a fight, they tend to throw us around with wild abandon (its usually no big deal, most humans think its hilarious and fun and no one really minds.)

And then they find out about our bones. 

Its a quiet, tense moment. A team had been dispatched to ‘ease the switch in political leaders’ on one of the more difficult inner planets and the current monarch was not having it. In a final attempt to keep control, the monarch had thought using one of the humans on the team as a  hostage was a good idea. They’re holding the human in a way that would look painful, arm twisting too far and the monarch is shouting, demanding that they be left in control. The others on the team are just grinning because if the monarch is threatening to break the human, they’re in for a big surprise. Humans don’t have a structure. They flop around as they please, held steady as simply a mass of meat!

The monarch, it seems, doesn’t like to be laughed at. The pull, and twist and-

SSS-NAP

And the human is screaming, their face contorted in pain. The monarch jerks the arm around. An audible -pop- fills the room, and the team hear it just over the screams of their friend. Then comes the other arm -SNAP- and the leg -CRACK-

The human is bent, but…its in a way that the others have seen often and isn’t that…isn’t that fine? Aren’t they supposed to do that? What was that horrible snap? As it turns out, one can’t hear very well the snapping of bones in the pandemonium of battle. 

Everyone’s a bit quiet, struck by the shouts of pain and sobs coming from their human before finally, mercifully, they pass out. Then all hell breaks loose. The rest of the team dispatch the monarch with unusual ease and entirely too quickly. Then, as gently and slowly as they can, they pick up the human. The angles of their limbs look sickening to them now, and they bring them back to the base where, for once, they actually stay in the medical bay to watch them be patched up and their bones reset. 

From then on, they are much more careful with their human companion and feel the proper amount of horror and concern upon seeing them thrown about in a fight. Still, it takes some time to convince them that yoga is an alright thing to do and that no, Susan is a contortionist, her body CAN do that. 

When Zuko apologized to uncle Iroh in the tent cause he was so ashamed of his actions and what he’d done to the only person who unconditionally believed in his ability to do good >>>>>

Was a plo koon warmup initially as suggested by @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life when I encountered this dialogue idea from @totallycorrectjediorderquotes and it went overboard from there! The “Protocol” number is indeed a reference to something in star wars, so I’m curious to see if anyone figures it out!

I think I've worked out (part of the reason) why there's been such a huge uptick in folks who don't reblog things on here.

This post has like 14k notes right now, and the tags and comments and reblogs are FULL of people who didn't know about fast-reblog, and -- you guys have been slow-reblogging this whole time!?!??!?!?

In the interests of a) making your lives easier, and b) encouraging you to reblog posts, which is what keeps this site alive, here's how you fast-reblog:

On mobile: press and hold the reblog button. Your blog icon will appear. If you have sideblogs, all of the different icons will appear. Drag to whichever blog you want to reblog to, and release. Job done.

On desktop: hold down the E key and click reblog. Job done.

You're welcome. Now get reblogging.

RIP to my home boy Wolffe

I am now in the dorms and am surprised at how well this came out. I already have an idea for the next few, so look out for those!

Echoくんは、新しいの“あれ”が欲しい🤚🏽♥️

📓 what do you think Rex bitches about constantly?

😂😂 I’m sorry I made myself laugh while writing this so this is what I think he would bitch about + a side plot that I honestly thought was pretty funny

Anakin when he’s being a dumbass

Fives when he makes crude jokes on the battlefield

Echo when he enables Fives’ jokes

Fives and Echo’s prank wars (though most of it’s for show)

Keeli and Howzer (if only so he can remember his batchmates; he also bitches to them about everything so it’s a 50/50 on if they’ll get gossip or insulted)

Anakin when he comes up with a reckless plan that somehow works

Ahsoka when she hit him in the face with her lightsabers

Obi-Wan if only because Cody constantly bitches about him not sleeping

Jesse and Hardcase (there is no need for an explanation here)

Kix when he tries to use his CMO voice to keep him in the medbay for longer than needed

Ahsoka when she does something reckless on the battlefield that could have gotten her killed

Boil and Waxer for teaching Fives more jokes

Anakin when he basically implied to Hunter they were in a relationship because of his horrible communication skills

Wolffe because he bit him when he was a cadet and he still isn’t over it

Fox because honestly, it’s just kind of funny watching Fox’s eyebrow tick up

Bly because of his stupid crush on Aayla

Kix for sneaking a sedative in his food on three separate occasions

Cody because he put itching powder in his blacks on a day when they were sent out into the field

Jesse because he caught the whole thing on video

Ponds for almost dying

Anakin when he uses the Force to throw him in the air

Bly again because he pines over Aayla but won’t do shit about it

Wolffe because Ahsoka told him once that she thinks he’s cool because he works with Plo

Ponds for bringing Boba back with him and now they have the feisty Fett son who bites just like Wolffe

Boba for hijacking his datapad

Fox because he didn’t kill the Chancellor earlier

Anakin because he tried to help Palpatine

Fox because he didn’t tell them about Palpatine and so now Rex has to make up all the hugs and time they almost lost

Anakin because the only reason he didn’t follow Palpatine was because he got into an argument with Fox

Fox because he got into an argument with a Jedi who was almost about to fall

Quinlan

Crosshair for flicking his toothpick in his face

Fives for making another stupid joke when they finally found Echo

Echo for laughing at the joke

Anakin for not telling anyone else that he was married

Anakin for being Rex’s friend and making him lie to save his ass

The Jedi Council because they apparently knew about his marriage and was wanting for him to come clean

Anakin because he’s still denying it

Mace who asked the question on who he was seeing

Anakin for saying It’s him 😤 (on god, he could have warned Rex)

The Jedi Council for now staring at him and waiting for him to crack

Himself because he’s a shit liar

Himself again because he can’t help but dig a deeper hole and agree with Anakin’s statement

Anakin for being shocked that he’s covering his ass still (if you want to make this believable, just go with it!)

Hunter for the credits he sees exchanged with Fives

Fives for betting on him (on choosing the wrong bet)

Cody, Wolffe, Fox, Bly, Ponds and Gree for all snickering

Gree who made a loud comment about Rex being into recklessness

Anakin who snickered at that

Anakin for shrugging at his glare and saying he could see it

Obi-wan for congratulating their (fake!) relationship

Mace for coming up with the idea that if a Anakin married Rex, they could gain clone citizenship for all clones due to marriage within the Jedi Council (if the Senate won’t pass a bill soon)

Anakin who’s now backing out saying he can’t (which Rex knows he can’t; he’s married)

Plo for asking why Anakin can’t instead of dropping it

Anakin for,instead of saying something reasonable, states that they already got married

Echo for exchanging credits with Tech and not withering under his glare

Yoda for asking him if this is true

Everyone in the goddamn room staring at him

Anakin because he’s a shit best friend and he honestly should have never become friends with his General, especially one who has a secret marriage (even if Rex was never told explicitly but he’s not a dumbass; he’s pretty sure Anakin and Padme are married)

Himself because now he’s doubting whether Anakin actually is married and if he’s not, Rex is gonna look like a real dumbass

Anakin because he’s doing the eye nod thing again and Rex doesn’t know what up side up down means!!

Himself for indulging in the silent motions and now they’re having a silent conversation while everyone’s staring

Fox for interrupting their conversation before they could come to a decision

Anakin because why did he have to be Rex’s best friend? (He should have let Anakin fall; he wouldn’t be in this position if Anakin was a Sith)

Himself for thinking that because knowing Anakin, he probably would be in the same position regardless if Anakin was still a Jedi or a Sith

Himself for saying yes to Yoda’s question

Cody for exchanging credits with Ponds

Yea that’s about it; it’s mainly Anakin that Rex bitches constantly about