I Think Metatron Has Known Cas Loves Dean Since S8...

masc ppl with long hair and femme ppl with short hair, i love you

ok, cute outfits and all, but there is something we didnt see yet... are they gonna dance? (wink, wink, nudge)

Hehe of course 💚💙💚💙

And Dib find out that Zim is a great dancer ///UWU///💚💙💚💙

Just look how cute they are UWU

Zim took off his gloves cause he want to feel Dib’s hands UWU

The Road So Far S9 & Cas In Love With Dean

Cas being in love with Dean is definitely canon.  :)   I mean, we've all known it, but last night confirmed it with Metatrons' little speech about Cas doing everything not for humanity, not for the Winchesters, but for Dean Winchester alone. But that wasn't just our only little clue that it was intentional, that we were supposed to come to that conclusion.  The other thing that confirms this was "The Road So Far."  In these season recaps, they always highlight the important points of the season.  Yeah there's shots of them just generally being badass and killing stuff, but anything that they deem important enough to be voiced over in the "The Road So Far" is stuff that they want you to remember for the season finale, important things that happened during the season.  And you know what line was voiced over in last nights?    :) "You just gave up an entire army for one man." Now why would they put that line in the recap?  Because they wanted us to really draw the conclusion that Cas is in love with Dean and that "no, this isn't a mistake and you're not reading it wrong, think about this line while watching the episode and if you listen to the characters, what do you get?" Everything for one man.  Always for Dean Winchester. Again, why?  Just to throw us a bone?  Nope.   Because it's important.  Cas' feelings for Dean, their whole relationship is something that is important.  It's a plot point that I think is going to only intensify and really shine in S10 and we had to be reminded of it in the finale, but without overshadowing everything else that's going on.  It had to be obvious, but not in your face (which is hard to do, because their love is so epic).     At least that's what I took from it.  :P  If you don't agree, that's totally cool, but this is just what I'm seeing from the episode.  

Anyone else take this long to show effects of T?

Hey FTM community! I’ve been on T for 1 year and 4 months now and I have a few concerns.  I have had very little effect from the T (I do injections) and my T level according to my endocrinologist is where it’s supposed to be at (in the 600′s somewhere).  She says I can’t increase my dose because I’m starting to show signs of side effects of the Testosterone.   I’m trying to be patient here, but all I’ve gotten out of being on T is a little bit of acne, a voice that constantly breaks, and maybe a little more butt hair (tmi, sorry).  I still have my period, I don’t really have a deeper voice, I have no more facial hair than I did pre-T, my clit hasn’t really gained a whole lot of size, I have had no change in metabolism, muscle growing ability, smell, body fat shifting... 50+ % of the time I’m still labeled as female despite how I dress or carry myself.   I know it takes awhile to start having effects, but I’m just wondering if anyone else has had it take this long to start showing signs or know what might be up???  On a bright note, don’t know if it’s related, but all of my allergies went away like 3 months ago! Thanks for any and all input!

Last Nights' Episode and Why I'm Excited! :D

I know some are upset at the fact that besides the hug, there really wasn't much Dean/Cas interaction and I understand your frustration.  We love this ship so much (sometimes more than we should :P  who am I kidding, is that even possible?) and we want to see it represented so badly in every scene that they're in together. I personally am not upset by last nights' episode, if anything it made me more excited for the last two episodes.  Here's why :) Part of the reason I don't think we got a lot of Dean/Cas cutesy stuff is because of the MoC.  It's been making Dean, not Dean.  That inwardly nerdy and super squishy guy in S8 and the beginning of S9 has been fading away, mostly because of the mark.   The same thing happened to Cain I'm sure, until Collette.  So if Dean was squishy with Cas last night, I personally would have actually found that a bit OOC and I would find his berserker transformation with the mark very inconsistent and less believable.   It also sets us up for a reverse!crypt scene.  If Dean was to be normal without the blade and only crazy when the blade is in hand then that would mean there is a still an integral part of himself that is surfaced and would most likely make any connection to the blade easier to break (as easy as knocking it from his hand), but with the blade changing him as a person as a whole even without the blade, makes it more like a mind control situation (similar to that of the S8 crypt scene). P.S. If Cas breaks his connection to the blade while Dean is in full MoC mode I will literally cry tears of happiness!!! The other reason I'm not really upset is that there was A LOT of important plot and character stuff they crammed into that episode last night.  That stuff needed to happen and I think in doing so, it gives us more room in the last 2 eps to work with, which I'm assuming are going to mostly focus on Metatron and the MoC.   These two things I feel are going to be very Team Free Will centered so there should be quite a bit of Dean/Cas interaction and will hopefully lead into some sort of Destiel type of thing.  I don't for see them being separated for too long during this time.  Cas is worried about Dean, and Sam and Dean are going to be helping Cas with the Metatron stuff, especially since Abaddon is out of the picture.   Side note: I have somewhat of a feeling that if they make a reverse!crypt scene in these last 2 eps that they're going to have another open ended question like last seasons' "What broke the connection?" except it's going to be like "in your face obvious" what they mean and there will be no way for them to interpret it any other way, reiterating the fact that their connection to each other is very important and then one of the character plot arcs in S10 will be dealing with their realization of what that connection truly is.   Anyways, not trying to change people's feelings on the episode (everyone's free to feel what they feel), but these are just my feelings on it and frankly I'm so stoked for the next to eps!!! :) ::crosses fingers for Destiel::

Fake ID's

Dean fidgets with the small item in his hands.  He's ridiculously excited- and not in a girly way, he tells himself- and slightly nervous.  A small smile plays at the corners of his lips and he fights to keep them down as he approaches the slump shouldered man at the table.

Cas has been having a hard time since "the fall."  Finding Castiel had surprisingly not been difficult and Dean had not expected their reunion to go as it had.

When the sky lit up that night with Sammy in his arms he had been scared and his world had started falling apart.  The helpless feeling he had was unbearable.  Here was his brother presumably dying in his arms (again) and his best friend he could only assume was dead now.  Again.  

And there was nothing he could do to stop any of it.  Not a damn thing.

So he did what he could and took Sam to a hospital, hoping that someone there wouldn't be as useless as he felt at the moment.  There was nothing he could do for his angelic friend and he tried not to think about it.  Between the angels ALL falling to Earth and his little brother's condition (which was of top priority) he hadn't had the time to dwell on his friends' death. 

Dean spent about two weeks next to Sam's bedside in the hospital where thankfully the youngest Winchester had fallen into a deep sleep.  Thankfully, because he didn't appear to be in any pain now, though the comatose state didn't exactly make the knot of unease drift away.  

Kevin had called several times after Dean dropped Crowley off at the Men of Letters bunker.  He would either complain about Crowley's new state of reformation (which was supposedly annoying as all hell) or ask about Sam's condition.  

In those two weeks Dean's only friend had been a cup of coffee that kept magically refilling... possibly thanks to the nurse who was taking care of his little brother.  

Then one day, Sam sat up suddenly, gasping for breath like he had just been born and this was the first time air was touching his lungs.  As surprised and thrilled Dean was that Sam, who had all been but a vegetable, was now up and moving around- healthier than ever- he couldn't help the sense of foreboding.  

Nothing good ever came out of someone suddenly reviving with no idea how.  Not in their story anyways.  

And while the reason for Sam's suddenly healed state hasn't reared it's ugly head yet, Dean is waiting.

Kevin seemed ready to kill Crowley by the time that Sam and Dean returned to the bunker.  Crowley's "too good" behavior had been creeping out the poor prophet.  

Sam decided to take over watching the partial demon and to everyone's surprise, got along swimmingly well.  Dean would roll his eyes whenever he walked by and his little brother was girl-ing about something with the shorter man.

Kevin went back to translating the angel tablet, holing himself up somewhere in the large headquarters, occasionally coming out for some form of sustenance before retreating into the cavern of crazy he has built for himself despite Dean's efforts to get him to not work to death.

Left to his own devices, Dean worked on the new fallen angel problem.  Several problems seemed to have popped up all around the globe.  "Miracles" and oddities here and there.  A lot of people who shouldn't exist suddenly appearing.  You know... the works.  

The biggest problem was the media poking their heads into places it shouldn't be.  Hunters all around were trying to keep them in the dark with all the lies and tactics they could muster.  Didn't need a panic on their hands.

Then, about a month ago, Castiel showed up.  

Dean had been so busy, burying himself in this fallen angel business that he hadn't let himself dwell to much on his dead friend.  He didn't want to go there.  Not yet at least.

He was working at the table when he heard a knock on the door, which was strange.  No one had ordered food (as far as he knew) and no one besides Charlie knew this address... at least he hoped not.  

He gave a quick glance around the room to see if anyone else residing in the bunker was going to get that.  Apparently not.  

Grabbing his gun, he headed towards the thick door.  Hand firmly on the handle he peered through the small viewer.  

The moment he saw who it was, against all better judgement he flung the door open with a loud, "Cas?!"

Cas looked worse than he did in purgatory.  Once again unshaven, disheveled, and dirty.  He had bags under his eyes and his blue eyes seemed exhausted and weary.

"Hello, Dean."  

Dean should have been suspicious, should have tested him for every known thing in the book of monsters, but some how he just knew it was him.  And all the anger that he had felt previously concerning Cas' lack of trust in him, leaving once again, and most likely causing all the angels to fall to Earth flew out the door.  

"Dean, I-... I di-"  Cas began, his brows upturned in was looked like regret mixed with guilt and sadness.  But Dean cut him off in a rare show of affection, tugging the other man to him in a fierce hug, tucking his face into Cas' neck and squeezing his eyes shut tight, holding his breath.  

Cas stiffened underneath him before tentatively returning the hug.  At that Dean let go, standing back a little, still keeping one arm on his friend who was alive.  Alive.

"It's good to see you."  And it was.

"Dean...  I thought you would be angry with me," Cas said disbelieving this warm welcome.  

Dean smiled a bit, like he was enjoying some sort of personal inside joke, at this before patting Cas on the shoulder and then pointing a finger in between his big blue eyes.  

"Don't get me wrong, man.  All is NOT forgiven," Cas seems to deflate a little at this, "But I am glad to see that you're still in the land of the living." Cas looks up a bit hesitantly, quirking his mouth slightly to one side in what Dean has come to realize was his "I'm ashamed" look.  

The look quickly goes away as realization plays across Cas' features and he starts, "Dean.  The angels-  they've all-"

"Fallen.  I know.  It was kind of hard not to notice the apocalyptic rain of flaming bodies hitting the-"  Dean cuts him off and then pauses.  Sniffs the air and at Cas' questioning look continues.  "Dude... when was the last time you bathed?"  

Cas gave Dean an exasperated look before Dean invited him in to wash off the grime and explain how he was no longer an angel (which explained the smell) and his experience as a traveling homeless man in order to get there.

A month later and Castiel was adjusting, but his mood had yet to improve.  Rightfully so.  He had made a poor choice, yet again, and it resulted in the mass of his family to become humans.  The guilt had to be extraordinary and Dean felt for his friend.  

Dean had cornered him about his mood once and had got slapped with a very bitter answer.  One that dripped with the overwhelming power of loneliness.

"I have no family Dean!  My brothers and sisters have ALL suffered because of me," he was furious, red in the face, "So excuse me if I have a 'sour look'," there went the air quotes.  

The former angel had went on further, calming down slightly and explaining that he previously had those that believed in him, in what he stood for even if he made poor choices.  Now... he worried that he would be estranged from his family.  That he would no longer be welcome in any part of it.  That he was, for all intents and purposes, alone.  And without the voices of his siblings crowding in his head, he was feeling it more than ever.

Dean had sat through and listened to his friend.  He was getting a little better at this sharing and caring thing.  

Seeing his friend slumped over himself, head in hands and a shadow of his former self made him want to do something.  Alleviate a little of that loneliness and self loathing.  

Which brings us to present day.  

Dean wasn't very good at this sort of thing...  In fact he was quite possibly terrible.  Gift giving was not his forte and providing comfort was something he wasn't exactly keen participating in. 

But for Cas... he could try, he supposed.  As long as it would wipe that sad look out of his blue puppy eyes and he could get on with his life.

"Hey Cas," Dean started, gaining the attention of the newest member of the Men of Letter bunker.  The former angel turned to look at Dean.  Dean closed the distance between them, standing in that uncomfortable, yet oh so familiar personal space of his friend.  He had Cas' full attention now.  

"Look I know this whole no mojo thing hasn't exactly been easy on you.  But I thought-," he stumbles a bit flustered now, doubting the validity of his idea.  "I got this for you," he settles for instead and hands the small item to Castiel.

Castiel took the piece of plastic in his hands, squinting at it and looking at the piece as if it held the answer to all of life's problems.  

"It's not real, it's a fake ID.  You know, can't really hack into the government and turn you into a real boy," he gives a hesitant laugh, trying to fill in the silence, "but it's yours.  I wanted you to have it."  He stops and purses his lips, looking at Cas all wide-eyed, waiting for a reaction.

Cas stops looking at the card and looks up at Dean, tilting his head slightly and Dean dies a little at the sincerity of emotions that are displayed on the former angels face.

"It says...  Castiel... Winchester," Cas says it in a way that makes Dean shiver a little.

"Welcome to the family," It comes out almost as a question and Dean hesitantly manages to give a half smirk at Cas who suddenly looks a little overwhelmed and to Dean, maybe a little bit warmer and a little less lonely.

"You've earned it Castiel," Sam says suddenly from a doorway in which he was not five minutes ago.  Dean steps back out of Cas' space and rubs the back of his neck, a little embarrassed now.

"Thank you... the both of you," Cas gives a little smile at the brothers and Dean knows that his gift was appreciated.

"Don't I get one?"  All heads present turn to look next to Sam as Crowley appeared.  "I mean we're practically blood brothers you and I," the man looks at Sam, trying to argue his case, and the taller of the too huffs and rolls his eyes at the mere suggestion.  

"No."  Dean says.  Crowley looks a little put out.    

Cas smiles a bit to himself.  

He tucks the little card, fake or not, into his pocket where he would treasure it for a long time.  

Dean turns to Cas and their eyes catch and neither can help the warm looks that enter their eyes and the smiles that catch their lips  

And if Dean at that moment entertains the thought of Sam finding a strong gal, settling down, growing old in their new home and of Cas and himself riding off into the sunset, hell bent on protecting some poor bastard from the things that go bump in the night, no one needs to know.  

  OMG.  So sorry about my horrible writing skills.  So out of practice :(  But, I just had to get this idea out of my head! :)  I would so love for Dean to give Cas a fake ID with Castiel Winchester on it :D

A Life Partner for Dean

Ugh, these two break my soul sometimes! Just thinking about what Dean's looking for in a love interest.  I think most of us can agree that love is a prominent theme currently and that there are a lot of indicators pointing to the fact that Dean is thinking about having someone in his life.  Someone to love. Personally, I feel that at this point in his life Dean is not looking for your typical love interest, especially after that episode where he attended the chastity group and said some pretty interesting things about his one night stands and always with the "adios." Dean has had a life time of sex and one night stands.  Sex was always one of his fun "go to" things to do.  Something he enjoyed, but now that he's older and after some poor experiences and the weight of always being alone after, sex doesn't seem that important to him at the moment.  There has been a distinct lack of it in the past few seasons to kind of support that. I feel that Dean is looking for not so much someone to just love....  I feel Dean is looking for a life partner. Literally, a partner in crime for life.   I think he is looking for someone who accepts him for who he is and who won’t back away, someone strong and who he trusts, someone who appreciates him and who he connects with, someone who understands him, even empathizes with him in some ways and won’t make him change, someone who wants to, can, and WILL spend the rest of their life with him.   I just see him wanting someone in his life who will ride off into the sunset with him, quietly in the passenger seat, enjoying each others' company while Baby plays some rock.  Someone who when he's done reading something, he goes to switch off the light next to him and glances over and someone is there, sleeping.  Someone who he can count on to be there with him for the remainder of their life. And I just can't help, but picture Cas in all of this.  :(  I just picture the two of them...   They'd be the kind of couple you meet on the street and you can instantly tell they're together and that they love each other on the deepest of levels, but they give no indication otherwise.  They don't look at each other, they don't touch each other.  They don't need to, but there just seems to be this unseen entity surrounding them, bonding them together profoundly and you just know.  And they know.   Ugh, sorry for my feels, they're just killing me!!!   As always, don't take anything I say to heart.  Just my ponderings, reflections, and feelings.  :)

Reading the Spiderman/Deadpool comic and seeing all the creative ways the writers and artists give us the gayest friggin’ things imaginable between Peter and Wade without actually tipping the scale reminds me of watching trapeze acrobatics.  Like you’re 1000% sure they’re going to fall because there is no way they can alter physics, but then they start doing some gravity defying crap and at the last second they pull some super crazy stunt like catching the bar with their legs and you’re just like “...that was friggin’ awesome.”  You have no idea how they just did that without falling... just like you have no idea how they made it that gay without canon gay.  

Season 9: Dean and Cas "What Ifs"

I'm new to tumblr (this is my very first post), so please be gentle on my musings!! :)  But I can't help but wonder...

Dean has always been obviously upset whenever Cas dies or disappears.  But Cas has never exactly stuck around for long periods of time, flying off to do whatever it is that Cas does when he's not with Dean.  He's constantly gone, going, leaving, even when Dean asks him to just "stay here and get better."  It's just what he does and he has had the ability to do it without anyone being able to really stop him and Dean has understood (for the most part) that this is who Cas is. 

So Dean has become accustomed to Cas going off on his own (even if he doesn't like it) and the idea that Cas might not come back one day (when you live the life of a hunter, it's kind of hard not to).  He's definitely upset when it happens, but I mean, every time Cas dies Dean isn't exactly expecting him to come back.  

But things have changed now at the end of Season 8, Cas is basically human.  He's not going to be able to flit about and leave whenever he wants.  Which in turn means that Dean is going to have Cas around A LOT more (hopefully).  

What does this mean exactly?

Well more time together can create more time for developing that delicious profound bond of theirs, but it also means that Dean is going to get USED to Cas being around.  It means that it's going to be harder for him to let go.  

Me and my awful mind then proceeded to go down thoughts like:

What if Cas gets his grace back and continues with his plan and now that Dean is so used to Cas being around, Dean can't let him go?  Would he voice it?  What would Cas' reaction be after spending so much time with the Winchesters?  Would he continue with the plan to lock himself in Heaven with all his siblings or would he ditch out after hearing that?

What if they create a plan to get Cas' grace back and they finally get the chance and Dean realizes that if Cas gets his grace back then he can leave and Dean throws them off the trail or screws it up so he can have Cas with him even if it's just for a little bit longer?  What would happen if Cas found out?  Would it be another epic show down?  Or would it turn into the biggest goopiest admittion of man feelings?  (As much as I love the man feelings ending I don't really like the idea of them doing things that would hurt each other any more :(  that would make me sad)

Gaaah!!  So many things could happen this upcoming season and I can't wait to see what he writers have in store! :)