Original-robin - For The Love Of Cats, Mostly

I know, I mean, it's the funny kinda stuff I read in fanfiction, but in canon, it's not cool. Also, Dick is usually all awkward in canon when people compliment his butt (look it up, I swear it's true). I'm just saying, Dick is by far one of my favorite comic book characters, and Grayson is a bit too focused on that "sexual undertone" it was going for.

MAN OF THE YEAR: CELEBRATING DICK GRAYSON’S HANDSOMEST MOMENTS

for anyone that’s having a bad day, here are pictures of animals sniffing flowers

Types of fanfic summaries and what they mean

First paragraph of the actual fic: I judge the whole fic by the first words and I assume you do too so here it is

"Just a series or drabbles/headcanons/prompts": Someday I want to write an incredible 200k fic but for now have fun going through all the chapters trying to figure out which one is the one you actually want to read

"Will X be able to find love before Y happens?" And other questions: I read entirely too many YA novels

Quote from the actual fic: I watch entirely too many movie trailers

"Basically just an X fic with Y characters": I can probably write a good summary if I cared a little more

Song lyrics: I have no idea how summaries work and I'm trying to be like the people with poem quotes

Poem quotes: either the best thing you've ever read or 13-year old English literature purple prose there is no in-between

Lol I can't do summaries: I'm not entirely sure if I want you to read my fic

"Wtf is this" or other author questioning themselves: it's either porn or crack

Explicit rated fics: listen my man I know you're not gonna really read the summary just read the tags and decide if my sin is the sin for you

Paragraph of tags and one line summary: ok listen I can't do summaries but I've got this ok IVE GOT THIS

dictionary definition: fluff or angst here you go

Either a meme or a tumblr imagine your otp: I was bored and I had emotions about my ship you can have emotions about them too

Paragraph from the source the fic is from: I've basically written my headcanon and made it prettier

"I'm so sorry" or "I cried while writing this" : I was in a sad mood and I needed a healthy way to release these emotions so now y'all get to suffer

No summary: it's either porn or a small drabble and it all depends on the word count

Actual fic summary: *rocks back on old wheelchair* listen kid *smokes cigarette* I've seen and read a lot of things *blows smoke* and I know it's hard but there's still hope in this world ok? *looks into the distance* also you might wanna read the tags because the chances of gore and/or character death being in my fic have gone from 0 to 75

I'd buy this soap

French soap advertisement - Demandez “le Chat”, savon extra - 1895 - via Gallica

French soap advertisement - Savon Le Chat. C. Ferrier & Cie - 1912 - via Gallica

Taking Drivers Ed, and while the instructor is talking about all these car crashes, one guy says, and I quote, "Man! That be women who do that. They the ones getting in them accidents. They just drive with their emotions, while us men just be chillin'. Not to be sexist or anything." I just almost screamed in the middle of class, "What part of that is not sexist!" He just said something about it again, and I couldn't stop myself from yelling, "If you say 'not to be sexist' I will punch you!" So I guess I've made a nemesis for Drivers Ed. Someone please help me

Faith in humanity restored

Have some faith in humanity!

I would rather die in a fire than listen to the fucking smoke detector go off.

but on the real though, here is your guide to assyrian rice preparation from your friendly neighborhood assyrian:

start wanting rice. (or, if you are traditional, simply recognize your constant desire for rice.)

measure out two cups of rice. then one more. then two more. then another. this seems fine. you love rice. there is no way that this will backfire on you.

remember that your great-great-uncle’s recipe says it should be soaked overnight.

become consumed with despair.

decide to soak it for half an hour instead, acknowledging that the final product will be inferior and anger your ancestors but will still satisfy your now almost-overwhelming need for rice to be inside your body much faster.

remember that you should have set the water to boil when you soaked the rice. goddammit. 

once the water boils, put the rice in until it is half-cooked. the eyeballing or intuitive method is less effective than a timer but that’s how your aunt does it so you feel compelled to meet her standards.

now that the rice has fluffed up, realize how much rice six dry cups really is. holy shit. you’ve fucked up immeasurably. 

take a minute to dwell upon your failings.

grease a baking dish with butter. this will never be as elegant as you want it to and your fingers will get greasy, but the slightly shameful, self-indulgent joy of licking your fingers afterwards will make up for it.

pour the rice into the dish. wonder immediately if you actually buttered the dish beforehand and if you’ve just fucked up. 

melt approximately one thousand pounds of butter in the microwave and pour it over the rice, pondering your imminent death from rapid-onset arterial clogging. put a small pat of butter on the top to properly gild the lily.

put your pan into the oven, which you have absolutely preheated after your previous lack of foresight. shake the rice once or twice while it bakes to make sure the butter is well distributed. resist the impulse to climb into the oven with the rice. for the last ten minutes, sit next to the oven and count the seconds until it’s done.

remove the dish from the oven. shed a tear or two at the perfection laid before you. if you are dining with others, this is the time to serve the rice while making passive-aggressive statements about how oh no, you don’t need any help, you just made dinner all by yourself, you can serve everyone as well. (this is still fun if done alone, but optional.)

CONSUME THE RICE.

realize that you have eaten half of the dish in one sitting. no matter how much rice you made, this will always happen. 

put the leftovers away, if there are any, and enjoy a cup of chai while marveling at the amount of food you have just eaten. if possible, fall asleep in an armchair, sitting up, head tilted slightly back, like a grandpa.

for the rest of the evening, think fondly of how much rice you have in the fridge now and how many meals it will supplement, refusing to acknowledge that you will almost certainly eat the rest of it in a few hours for a midnight meal.