Thorin, Fili, And Kili: *dies*

The Report Card (Avengers x Reader) {Chatroom}

Author’s Note(s): I wrote this back in october and forgot about in entirely. I hope you enjoy x

Warning(s): just swearing tbh

Summary: Dogs are great but your dads Steve and Tony don’t agree.

you have created a chatroom

you have named the chat “dear fathers whom I love so very much :)”

you have added Tony

You: hello father who raised me from a yOung one whom to which I love very much :)

Tony: no

You: no???

You: I didn’t say anything ???

Tony: it’s paternal instinct

You: at least hear me out

Tony: nO

You: daAAaaAAD

Tony: (Y/nNnnnNn)

You: I’m gonna tell you anyways

Tony: I had a feeling you would

You: so I got my report card back

Tony: I can already see where this is going

You: and I got all As…

Tony: I was not prepared for this part of parenthood

You: so I was wondering…

Tony: gEt To iT CHILD

You: if I could get a puppy?

Tony: lmao NO

You: fudGe yOU

You: you’re the worst dad ever

Tony: I’m going to pretend that my pride isn’t wounded and say I love you too kiddo :,)

You: I bet Steve would get me a dog.

Steve has joined the chat

Steve: no he wouldn’t

You: pleaSe dad?

Steve: nope

You: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: you’re both the worst

Steve: correction…Tony is the worst. Who makes you cap’s shield shaped sandwiches everyday?

You: you do…

Steve: damn right I do

Tony: hey I mean I totally don’t pay your phone bill… not at all… please do continue to insult me as if I’m not here.

You: you know what fudge you both, I’m asking peter.

Tony: oh god no not the kid

Tony: you know I can’t say no to him

You: exactly ;)

You have added Peter

Peter: Hey everyone!

You: hi Petey <3

Tony: hey underoos

Steve: hello

Peter: what can I do for you?

You: oh y'know

You: we just need you to settle a family disagreement

Peter: oh… okay, what seems to be the problem?

Steve: (Y/N) got all As in her report card

Peter: Aw well done baby! :)

Tony: I am resisting the urge to throw up (:

You: and I want a puppy as a reward but AnthonY and SteVeN wont let me get one.

Peter: well that’s a shame

Steve: it sure is…

You: shuT UP Steve

Steve: thE DISrESPECT

Tony: asjajaja

You: anyways I need you to convince them that I should get a puppy

Peter: uHhhh

Steve: I’d chose my words wisely kid.

Tony: or don’t say anything at all, y'know.

Peter: umm

You: if you don’t help me convince them I won’t let you do my homework for a month

Peter: I…shouldn’t…be doing… your homework… anyway?

You: shut up you know you enjoy it

Peter: I do :(

Tony: what…just…happened?

Steve: I don’t know but is this how dating works nowadays?

Clint has joined the chat

Tony: oh no

Clint has added Natasha, Bruce, Thor, T'challa, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Scott and Vision.

Clint: we heard talk of a dog

Steve: well you heard wrong

Sam: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: I SAID THAT

Thor: I FOR ONE AM IN FAVOUR OF SMALL AND FEROCIOUS BEAST RUNNING AROUND THE TOWER!! IT SHALL BE MOST ENJOYABLE :) :) :)

Natasha: Thor, caps lock sweetie.

Thor: *whispers* oh yes, I apologise widow of black :) :) :)

Peter: is bad that I actually heard him yelling from the other side of the tower or?

Peter: and are we just going to ignore the fact that he added in *whispers* ?

Clint: LeT hIm LiVe pETer

Bucky: yeah! Sit down you little asshole

Peter: I… am…confused.

Sam: oh somebody get him a juice box, little Peter is confused.

Peter: w h y  a re  y o u                       a t t a c k i n g  m e ?

Sam: oh shit someone’s having a tantrum.

Natasha: go sit in a corner sam, you’re being uneccesary.

Sam: stfu woman come back when you can spell unnecessary.

Bucky: #ROASTED

You: WE ARE GETTING OFF TOPIC

Wanda: what were we talking about again?

Tony has cleared the chat

Tony: I think were talking about getting pancakes for breakfast today

Steve: oh yes, Tony’s treat :)

Tony: of course it’s my treat I’m the only one with money.

Scott: I’m down for pancakes

Bucky: yeah I could go for some too

T'challa: if Tony’s paying

Thor: I TOO WOULD ENJOY THE CAKE OF THE PAN.

Natasha: as mentioned before, only if Tony’s paying.

Wanda: same

Steve: then its settled, pancakes at 10

Clint: WHAT ARE YOU TAPKING ABOUT

Clint: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT GETTING A DOG YOU FOOLS  

You: T H A N K  Y O U

Tony: fuck yOu clint

Steve: LANGUAGE TONY

Steve: there are children present

You: all in favour of getting a dog say aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Bucky: aye

Sam: aye

Peter: aye

Clint: AYE FUCKING AYE CAPTAIN

Bucky: too much Clint too much

Clint: sorry

Peter: well it’s decided,  I guess we’re getting a dog

Tony: Vision, T'Challa, Bruce and Natasha haven’t voted yet.

Steve: not to mention Pietro

Pietro has joined the chat

Pietro: I vote for the dog, they’re better than people and I hate everyone.

Pietro has left the chat

Wanda: sorry about that, he’s still salty because we invited Scott to the Civil War and not him.

Scott: how were we supposed to know? he’s meant to be dead

Clint: RIP that speedy guy 2k15, you shall not be missed

You:  I am physically sobBiNg

Bucky: she’s not kidding, I am three floors down and I can still hear her.

Scott : it sounds like she’s dying

Peter: then it’s nothing new.

Bruce: ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU HAD A CIVIL WAR?

Bruce: I THOUGHT WE WENT THROUGH THIS

Tony: no brucie, we’re talking about the possibility of (Y/N) having a demon spawn to call their own

Bruce: I hate all of you

T'Challa: I agree, you are all beneath me

Sam: sit yo ass down and drink some milk, cat man

Bucky: #LIGHTLYBURNT

Wanda: IM WHEEZING

Scott: you guys gotta stop roasting each other, (Y/N) is going to D I E of laughter.

Peter: let her  

Tony: what

Peter: f r e e  m e

Steve: moving on…

Thor: yes…please proceed.

Steve: Bruce? Natasha? Thoughts on the dog.

Natasha: I’m against it

You: WHY?? YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE THE AWESOME AUNT NOT THE ASSHOLE AUNT

Natasha: cats are cooler

Clint: Natasha we can no longer be friends

Natasha: fine by me

Bucky: #CHARED

Tony: science bro?

Bruce: I’m also in favour of a cat, they’re more peaceful and less…like you guys.

T'Challa: I agree

Bucky: leave cat man

T'Challa: call me that again and pietro won’t be the only avenger to have died

T'Challa has left the chat

You: well then…

Peter: I don’t know what to say

Thor: what about brother vision? He has yet to cast his vote.

Wanda: I’ll admit Vis has been very quiet.

Vision: I apologise profusely for my lack of presence.

You: HE JUST PHASED INTO THE COMMON ROOM AS HE TYPED THAT IM W H E E Z I N G

Tony: Steve is your child asthmatic

Steve: she’s  not my child, she’s yours

You: wow what a loving family I have

Thor: indeed, much like my own, at least you are not a murderous pathetic excuse for a villain :)

Wanda: is it me or does the smiley face make it worse ?

Natasha: it’s the smiley face.

Tony: anywho vis, vision, partial creation of mine

Tony: what do you think about getting a dog?

Vision: by my calculations getting a dog would perhaps increase the physical activity of (Y/N) as we have come to realise, She only moves to retrieve a food source before returning to her room. Having a dog would lead to (Y/N) leaving the compound more, in order to walk the animal.

You: I’m sorry I didn’t know asking for a dog would include roasting me

Bucky: #BARBECUED

Peter: what’s with all these hashtags ?

Bucky: I’m running out of synonyms for roasted

Vision: Additionally, having a dog would decrease the stress levels of the team and perhaps everyone’s mutual hatred towards Mr Stark.

Tony: you all hate me?

Steve: its less of hatred and more like a preference for avoiding you :) nothing to worry about.

Tony: oh okay then :)

Clint: how did that go over his head?

Bruce: I have no idea

Vision: to conclude getting a puppy would be most beneficial.

You: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

You: HAHAHA SUCK IT STEVEN IM GETTING A DOG

Bruce: (Y/N) is definitely Stark’s child.

Thor: aye

Natasha: no doubt about it

Loki has joined the chat

Clint: ew who invited him

Wanda: why so salty Clint?

Clint: he tried to take over my mind with some voodoo shit

Sam: VOODOO SHIT IM SCREAMING

Peter: he actually is

Peter: it’s very loud

Loki: you foolish midguardians. I always said that you would be responsible for your own demise.

Scott: what are you on about reindeer games?

Loki: I’m sorry who are you?

Bucky: #OVERCOOKED

Bruce: these hashtags are getting out of hand.

Peter: remind me to teach him how to use them properly.

Thor: brother! :D

Loki: NOT NOW YOU BLONDE HEADED FOOL

Thor:  D:

Wanda: yikes

Loki: I HAVE COME TO WARN YOU.

You: warn us of your presence? Because none of us actually like you.

Thor: I do

Thor: just a bit

Loki: purchasing the vile beast known as man’s best friend will only result in the destruction of the Avengers. We all know (Y/N) would betray us. She would raise this animal, to become a beast. Multiply it and use it to destroy us from the inside.

Steve: is Loki… afraid…of dogs

You: oh my god

Loki: NO YOU IMBECILE I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU

Natasha: Loki? Saving us ?

Vision: in all my years on earth I have never heard such an entertaining tale

Peter: sit the fuck down bish you’re like 2 years old

Bruce: peter omg

Sam: THERE ARE  T E A R S FLOWING FROM MY EYES

Thor: please send help it sounds like he’s choking

Bucky:  l e t  h i m

Steve: what is it with everyone and wanting to kill each other?

You: don’t act like you haven’t wanted to kill any of us, you golden child

Steve: …

Steve: proceed.

Bucky: #

Scott: don’t even start I beg

Bucky: D:

Loki: you mortals will all perish

Tony: so I think we’ve established that Loki is afraid of dogs, and since none of us like him I propose we get one.

Steve: agreed

Loki: NO YOU DENSE HEADED INFERIORS

Tony: all in favour of a dog say aye

Steve: aye

You: aye

Thor: aye

Peter: aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Vision: aye

Natasha: aye

Bucky: aye

Bruce: aye

Sam: aye

Clint: AYE MOTHER FUCKING AYE BITCHES

Bucky: Clint pls

Natasha: you are an embarrassment to this team, no wonder pietro is always running away from you.

Natasha has left the chat

Clint: damn

Bucky: #SCORCHED

Peter: well now that this has come to end, Let’s go Bucky, I gotta teach you the ways of the hashtag

Sam: oh I have got to see this

Scott: I’m definitely filming this

Bucky has left the chat

Peter has left the chat

Sam has left the chat

Scott has left the chat

Loki: you will all die

Loki has left the chat

Thor: it appears that Loki is having a tantrum

Thor: I must tend to my brother, his feelings have been hurt.

Tony: lolol I don’t care

Steve: same tbh

You: SE E YOU ARE NOT SUCH A PURE GOOD WILLING PERSON AFTER ALL

You: SUCK IT STEVEN

Tony: why do you have such a disrespectful child Steve?

Steve: biologically she’s your creation, you do the math

Clint: LMAOOO

Bruce: brb I’m totally not sobbing with laughter

Thor: I must depart from you friends (: goodbye

You: bye (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

Clint: ISTG JUST LEAVE

Thor: be careful who you yell at brother Clinton. I am always watching.

Thor has left the chat

Bruce: well then

Tony: moving swiftly on

Clint: AHAHAA

You: im finally getting a dog WHOO

Clint: WHOOO

You: WHOOO

Steve: why are you both simultaneously yelling ‘whoo’ whilst typing it at the same time?

You: it’s for effect

Bruce: looool

Tony: anyways since you’re getting this dog, they least you could do is name it after your favourite dad

Steve: I agree, this debate has gone on for too long

Steve: which one of us do you like best?

You: sure why not

Bruce: this is going to get interesting

Clint: I’m ready to take screenshots

You: I’m naming my dog peter

Steve: why?

You: because he’s my favourite daddy

You: duh

(Y/N) has left the chat

Tony: what

Steve: pardon

Bruce: AJAJAJA IM SCREAMING AND WHEEZING AT THE SAME TIME I CANT

Clint: OH MY GOD BYE

Bruce has been disconnected

Clint: I’m totally… going to… see if he’s okay… and not laugh about this

Clint has left the chat

Steve: I can’t believe this

Tony: …

Steve: you have your suit right?

Tony: already putting it on

Steve: the shield?

Tony: it’s right where you left it

Steve: it’s time to go squash a spider

Steve has left the chat

Tony has left the chat

I can die happy now

blessing your dash. you’re welcome 👀

Probably one of the funniest moments in bnha 😭

Book description of Hester Shaw: 

“She was no older than Tom, and she was hideous. A terrible scar ran down her face from forehead to jaw, making it look like a portrait that had been furiously crossed out. Her mouth was wrenched sideways in a permanent sneer, her nose was a smashed stump and her single eye stared at him out of the wreckage, as grey and chill as winter sea.” 

Peter Jackson’s interpretation of Hester Shaw: 

Me: 

Please, reblog! IIt’s called self defense. Apart from having here, in the US, one of the highest cases of homicide and rape in the world and high rate of GBV, think about how this could help your mother or sister

aren’t you all like….tired…of being obnoxious about the avengers

Imagine giving Thorin and Bilbo a hit off your joint

Kili: something smells

You: *sniffs* I know what that is, it’s my weed *pulls out the tin you keep your stache in and opens it*

Bilbo: that is some pungent pipeweed

You: wanna try some?

Bilbo: sure why not

You: anyone else want some?

Thorin: I’m bored so I’ll have some

You: alright then *lights up the joint and takes a puff to get it going before passing it to Bilbo*

Bilbo: I just take a puff?

You: *nods your head* start off with one and then work your way up to a second if the first didn’t do much*

Bilbo: *takes a drag before handing it to Thorin*

Thorin: *takes a puff and proceeds to cough like an amateur* that is some skunky stuff.

Bilbo: I don’t feel anything.

You: give it time. *finishes off the joint in a few puffs*

*half and hour later*

Bilbo: *lying on the floor, drool coming out the side of his mouth and just staring wide eyed at the ceiling*

Thorin: *slumped over on the couch* why do the back of my eyes hurt?

You: it causes rapid eye movements

Thorin: I’m super hungry

You: and the munchies

Thorin: I’m going to go see if there is anything left to eat *gets up and steps over Bilbo*

Bilbo: *grabs onto Thorin’s ankle*

Thorin: *drags Bilbo with him*

Dwalin: how come you are unaffected by the pipeweed?

You: I’m used to it.

Bilbo: *starts cackling for no reason in the other room*

Kili: *enters the room* why is uncle just sitting in the pantry eating a whole onion?

You: munchies man, munchies. He’s lucky y'all cleaned most of the pantry out already or the two of them would, I know I’ve done that before.

Commonly Used Words and their Synonyms!

Instead of using… You can use the word…

Looked — observed, peered, gazed, glanced, explored, glimpsed, stared, eyed, viewed, noticed, watched, inspected, examined, and peeked. 

Said — told, stated, replied, phrased, announced, articulated, reported, expressed, voiced, mentioned, communicated, uttered, spoke, and vocalised.

Shouted — yelled, roared, exclaimed, hollered, cried, called out, squealed, wailed, screeched, squawked, bellowed, shrieked, screamed, and howled.

Laughed — chuckled, smiled, giggled, grinned, snickered, cracked up, hooted, roared, snorted, howled, erupt into laughter, and burst into laughter.

Good — great, pleasant, wonderful, positive, awesome, rad, splendid, worthy, superb, superior, marvellous, stellar, excellent, and super.

Bad — awful, atrocious, terrible, negative, unfortunate, rough, dreadful, dismal., poor, appalling, lousy, unpleasant, crummy, and miserable. 

Nice — polite, kind, respectable, friendly, well-mannered, admirable, wonderful, affable, lovely, nifty, pleasant, inviting, enjoyable, and fine.

Mean — nasty, evil, unkind, vicious, cruel, wicked, bothersome, spiteful, unpleasant, hateful, malicious, harsh, uncaring, and insensitive. 

Tried — weary, burned out, sleepy, sluggish, exhausted, drowsy, fatigued, heavy-eyed, beat, lifeless, drained, lazy, worn out, and droopy.

Scared — frightened, worried, afraid, anxious, fearful, timid, startled, suspicious, alarmed, apprehensive, petrified, shaken, terrified, and panicked.

Happy — glad, ecstatic, joyful, jovial, delighted, merry, content, elated, blissful, gleeful, cheerful, thrilled, pleasant, and overjoyed.   

Sad — unhappy, disappointed, miserable, blue, depressed, sorrowful, gloomy, melancholy, down in the dumps, dismal, heartbroken, down, and full of woe.

Mad — angry, outraged, grouchy, fuming, furious, frantic, irritated, cranky, annoyed, irate, livid, enraged, infuriated, and heated.

Excited — eager, wired, enthusiastic, simulated, thrilled, jubilant, hysterical, jumpy, charged, anxious, awakened, fired up, nervous, and on edge.

Pretty — beautiful, charming, attractive, elegant, handsome, gorgeous, dazzling, captivating, nice-looking, glamorous, lovely, stunning, appealing, and memorising.

Ugly — unpleasant, gruesome, horrid, gross, dreadful, beastly, grotesque, deformed, appalling, plain, unsightly, loathsome, hideous, and homely.

Little — small, young, tiny, mini, petite, short, minute, slim, pocket-sized, slight, pint-sized, minor, miniature, and wee.

Big — humongous, ginormous, gigantic, hefty, large, jumbo, huge, massive, enormous, oversize, vast, great, giant, and abundant.

Funny — humorous, whimsical, hilarious, eccentric, amusing, side-splitting, comical, lighthearted, witty, jolly, nutty, hysterical, jokey, and droll.

Fun — entertaining, interesting, pleasurable, a blast, exciting, captivating, enjoyable, fascinating, engaging, gratifying, action-filled, lively, amusing, and enchanting. 

Smart — keen, intelligent, clever, cunning, screwed, knowledgeable, brilliant, sharp-witted, wise, scholarly, bright, gifted, canny, and brainy. 

Like — love, care about, adore, value, fond of, treasure, cherish, appreciate, admire, enjoy, passionate about, crazy about, and devoted to.     

Hate — loathe, detest, dislike greatly, despise, execrate, feel revulsion towards, feel hostile towards, be repelled by, be revolted by, regard with disgust, be unable to stomach, find intolerable, shudder at, and recoil from. 

Hot — sweltering, fiery, overly warm, heated, burning up, stuffy, sizzling, spicy, blistering, humid, boiling, blazing, scorching, and scalding. 

Cold — chilly, very cold, icy, bitter, frigid, arctic, frosty, nippy, crisp, harsh, wintry, biting, freezing, and polar.

Fast — quick, speedy, sudden, hurried, abrupt, rushed, rapid, instantly, brisk, dashing, hasty, accelerated, swift, and prompt. 

Slow — unhurried, inactive, leisurely, slothful, sluggish, passive, gradual, snail-like, slack, time-consuming, stagnant, decelerate, delay, and losing speed.