So, I Feel Like I’m Losing My Mind. I Keep Seeing Metas About How Aziraphale Wants Crowley To Return

So, I feel like I’m losing my mind. I keep seeing metas about how Aziraphale wants Crowley to return to Heaven and be an angel again because he wants them to be on the same side/be good/change/etc., etc., etc. but I don’t see that at all. I actually see it as the very opposite.

Aziraphale loves Crowley just as he is. But there’s something more. Something huge.

Aziraphale loves Crowley and because he is an angel who is stuck in seeing things as black and white, he constantly praises Crowley for being nice. For being good. For being kind.

Aziraphale has watched Crowley on and off for 6,000 years. He watched him thwart the plans of Heaven and Hell because it was unjust. He spared the lives of innocents. He did small things that made Aziraphale happy just because (like making Hamlet successful and saving valuable books). And because Aziraphale sees things in black and white, he sees all the things Crowley has done as nice, as good, as kind.

Crowley vehemently attests he’s not nice or good or kind.

He’s not exactly wrong nor is he lying when he says this. When Crowley spares goats during a cruel bet over a righteous man and swallowing laudanum to prevent a suicide, when he prevents Armageddon by working with Aziraphale and stopping the Anti-Christ from being the Anti-Christ, he’s not doing the nice/good/kind thing.

He’s doing the right thing.

Crowley chooses to do the right thing without hesitation. He is better than all of Heaven and Hell who have callous and dispassionate view of all existence because he questions, because he makes choices. Crowley sees the world for all its messiness and he sees himself. He sees a place where he fits in. He sees the blurred edges.

And Aziraphale sees that, even if seeing the blurred edges is hard for him.

But here’s the thing that Aziraphale can’t voice.

It’s the reason why he told Crowley about being allowed to return to Heaven and become an angel again. He doesn’t want Crowley to change. He doesn’t think Crowley is flawed. Or not enough.

It’s something that is so monumental that it cannot be put into words. Because to put it into words would be more than blasphemy. It’s down right unthinkable for anyone in Heaven, Hell, or Earth to say what Aziraphale knows deep in his soul.

God was wrong to cast out Crowley.

Aziraphale believes Crowley can/should return to Heaven because he knows that Crowley should never have fallen in the first place. He wants him to be forgiven because when Crowley fell it was unjust. Aziraphale is trying to correct a mistake. He’s trying to do the right thing.

Yes, Crowley would never accept returning to Heaven. And Aziraphale was wrong to even suggest it (although that conversation is another can of worms to unpack).

Aziraphale loves Crowley. He loves him exactly as he is. He doesn’t want him to change. Aziraphale knows that Crowley the best of all of them. He wants to change Heaven because of it. Because God was wrong and Aziraphale knows it.

Aziraphale may have difficulty seeing beyond black and white, but when it comes to Crowley he sees everything crystal clear and in vivid color.

Clone Wars Headcannons

All over the place but yeah enjoy

Ahsoka will let her men test out pick up lines before shore leave and give them tips on how to better pick up girls

Ahsoka picked up her eye rolling habit from Wolffe

Fives and Echo refer to Rex as “oh captain my captain” (Rex is very annoyed)

Clone troopers sleep better when they cuddle up with someone

Anakin has given Ahsoka and many of his men heart attacks when he randomly removes his prosthetic hand

There are painted line of the Resolutes floor near the medical bays to mark how far troopers have made it when they attempt to escape the medics

This usually ends with the medics full body tackling their vod and occasionally their Jedi

Hardcase has the furthest mark with Fives very near behind him

Much to Wolffe’s dismay young animals love to imprint of him during campaigns, he says he hates it but Sinker once saw Wolffe carrying around a baby loth cat wrapped in one of his blankets

Rex is a natural blonde due to a mutation and I will die on this hill

Fox and Wolffe have the highest spice tolerance of their batch and their brothers are very concerned for them

Based on the scene in the Umbara arc where Tup is hanging onto the gunship handle with 2 hands, he is a very nervous flier

Ahsoka noticed that Tup was a nervous flier and now tries to get on the same ships as him to help keep him calm

The 501st has different tallies up throughout the barracks for random things like ‘how many times the general loses his lightsaber’, ‘best quotes for the week’, etc

Clone troopers speak mando’a, kaminoan, and basic fluently

Rex always wins arm wrestling contests, even against Anakin

Ahsoka learned how to play sabacc from the Wolf Pack and has been banned from playing in most 501st circles because she always wins

The CCs have the ability to sleep with their eyes open and Wolffe and Fox actively chose to do so to creep everyone else out

Cody has broken his wrists and his shins from fist fighting droids but he continues to do it

Many troopers in the 501st have also attempted to fist fight droids but quickly stopped when the medics refused to treat them

Anakin has also attempted to fist fight droids and damaged his cybernetic hand enough that he had to get a new one

Ahsoka purrs when she sleeps close to other people

Hardcase almost cried when he first heard Ahsoka purr because he thought it was cutest damn thing

Capture the flag is the 501st’s favorite down time activity

Cody has hidden drugs in Obi-Wan’s tea to make him sleep which Obi-Wan was rather offended by but continued to accept all tea given to him by his commander

Ahsoka set up a projector in the rec room and on hyper space trips she plays holomovies so her men can be ‘cultured’

Ahsoka is good friends with Padme and Riyo Chuchi and regularly gets together with them for girls nights

Rex has gotten a tattoo while drunk but Cody is the only one that knows about it

Ahsoka found out when her men’s birthday or decanting days are and makes sure to wish them a happy birthday

Ponds, Bly, and Fox were very confused when they received a transmission from Rex, Cody, and Wolffe’s vod’ika wishing them a happy birthday

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optimisticsouldeer

2 years ago

Oh yeah, if you're going insane can you grab some neck and wrist kisses? The way you draw arms and necks has me feeling some kinda way

lil smooch and a lil bite while i recover from whatever the fuck has been going on lately

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optimisticsouldeer

2 years ago

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optimisticsouldeer

2 years ago

he started having second thoughts

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optimisticsouldeer

2 years ago

poems on grief, loss, mourning

gone is gone by mark wunderlich

another elegy ["this is what our dying looks like"] by jericho brown

making a fist by naomi shihab nye

grief puppet by donte collins

letter to my heart from my brain by rachel mckibbens

the song of despair by pablo neruda

where my grandmother hides by caitlin conlon

grief by matthew dickman

kaddish by sam sax

elegy for neal cassady by allen ginsberg

grief work by natalie diaz

poem for jack spicer by matthew zapruder

elegy with black smoke by emily skaja

evening by dorianne laux

letter to my dead brother part 1 by jonny bolduc

drunktown by jake skeets

hunter by bianca stone

blood makes the blade holy by evan knoll

object permanence by hala alyan

people who died by ted berrigan

song of the insensible by andrew kozma

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optimisticsouldeer

2 years ago

i also wanna yell about gwendoline christie’s performance as lucifer because she’s just astonishingly good. so many people approach the role emphasizing the fallen aspect of the fallen angel, and she goes out of her way to emphasize that she’s a fallen angel. the way she treats dream with the utmost hospitality coated in poison, and fucks him over as much as she can with the same hollow pleasant smile on her face. the way she can’t outdo dream’s “I am hope” because to kill hope would be to kill her own hopes of one day going home. the way she literally gasps with tears in her eyes when dream calls her on that. and when the mask finally drops, and she tells him in no uncertain terms that one day, Hell will destroy him, it’s fucking personal and that she’ll be holding the knife herself. i can’t, honestly. give her all the awards.

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optimisticsouldeer

2 years ago