When Anne Carson Said “to Feel Anything Deranges You” And When Richard Siken Said “the Enormity

I expect this to go one of two ways and both are gonna hurt me.

I think the worst part of the new Percy Jackson series is that I can’t binge watch all eight episodes at once. You want me to wait a whole week?? For just one episode at a time?? I thought the age of streaming meant we were past this.

Dean.. WhAt ArE yOu DoInG?!

Dacia Maraini, tr. by Tim Vode, from “Dreams of Clytemnestra,” wr. c. 1994

Richard?!???

how to write that 17-page essay that’s high-key giving you anxiety

so it’s 4am and you’ve had three cups of coffee but you’ve only written two sentences. you look at the prompt and find it has ceased to make sense. “how the fuck am i gonna turn this into a 17-page paper” you ask. 

never fear! your friendly neighborhood college fuckup is here with an answer. buckle down and get another cup of coffee; you’re in this for the long haul. (literally. this post got long because i’m apparently incapable of writing short posts, but i also pulled a 3.9 cGPA using this method so i’d say it’s worth the read.)

first, a cheat: email your professor and ask if you can use subheaders. subheaders eliminate the need for smooth transitions between portions of your argument and also create a ton of white space, which can help you reach page count. 

second, a tip: don’t be afraid to meet with your prof. this essay probably isn’t a take-home exam; it’s likely that your prof set this paper to give you a chance to learn and write about something you enjoy. shoot your prof an email saying “hey, this is what i’m thinking, this is what i’m struggling with, can i meet with you to talk it out?” 9 times out of 10, your prof will say yes. if they say no, talk to another prof in the same discipline. otherwise talk to your uni writing center or a friend of yours. worse come to worst, shoot me a message.

what you’re gonna do now is outline the fuck out of your paper to procrastinate actually writing it. 

step 1: take apart the prompt. it’ll be asking for a few different things; mark these things with different cues: brackets, underlining, different colored pens, whatever. this structures your response.

if you don’t know your thesis yet, that’s fine! let it develop naturally as you conduct your research and plan your argument. you can change it as you go - that’s the point of researching the topic. no one will know what your first draft thesis was.

step 2: look at the dismembered prompt. write bullets with brief explanations for how you’ll attack each part of the prompt. these can be detailed or as vague as “look up that one reading and use it as a counter argument.” then figure out the best way to organize the bullets. if nothing makes sense, that’s fine too. you can write each chunk of your argument and structure it later.

these bullets make good subheaders. js.

step 3: under each bullet from step 2, list out what info and evidence you need for that aspect of your argument. don’t worry about details yet; focus on structure. write these bullets as though you’re talking to a friend about what your argument is and why is works. let it be stupid. let it be simple. say shit like “freud was a bitch and i can prove it.” 

step 4: now that you have a rough draft of your outline, go back and fill in the details. remember, you’re still outlining! you’re basically redoing step 3 with the bullets you made in step 3. this is the part where i take the most time and put in the most effort.

i tend to reach page/word count easily if my outline is half the length the paper needs to be, so i keep outlining until i reach that point. this ratio might be different for you. if you can figure out your ratio, it can tell you if you need to look for more info or if you’re good to go.

make a note of what you’re citing but don’t worry about actual citations. i like using gdocs because you can easily paste a link to your source in a comment. this way, the sources don’t clutter up your doc or artificially inflate your page or word count.

be silly! be stupid! use swear words and memes and internet lingo. you’re just outlining right now; you don’t need to sound smart and professional. you should be focusing on what you want to say, not how to say it.

by the end of this process, my outline is basically my paper in bulletpoint format, without any fancy jargon or quotes or cited evidence, and usually not in complete sentences. i’ve essentially tricked myself into writing my paper by saying “i’m just outlining, it doesn’t really matter.” it’s also less daunting to write the rest of the paper when you know you already have 9 pages done instead of 0.

step 5: write the damn thing! open a fresh doc for your paper and view it side-by-side with your outline. now you get to make your bullets sound pretentious and academic. insert quotes and other evidence. turn “freud was a bitch” into “freud knowingly perpetuated several falsehoods for the sake of his personal gain, thereby undoing decades of progress in the field of psychology.” 

don’t worry about citations right now, though! do what you did in your outline and insert the citations as comments at the points where they need to be. creating citations will interrupt your flow.

step 6: once your paper is done, go back and add citations! this can take up to an hour depending on how many sources you have, so budget your time appropriately. 

holy shit! you just wrote a whole damn paper! i’m proud of you, buddy. go buy yourself a milkshake and take a nap. 

Credit: @TansuYegen

LISTEN UP

Today I did something that terrified the fuck out of me. But ladies, we all gotta do it at some point. 

I got a contract for fulltime work given to me. 

I looked at it. 

I realized, calculating the amount they wanted to offer, that it would actually be less than I’m making part-time now. 

So what did I do?

Let me tell you, every single piece of me wanted to stay quiet and settle and work my way up the ladder. 

Until I realized that

I am worth more than they were offering, and it would be an insult to value me at any less than my actual worth. 

I have a masters and a year’s worth of teaching under my belt. 

I am a qualified professional who wants to make more than assistants pay. 

Their reasoning for the pay was insurance. I’m given insurance that’s worth a great deal, so I shouldn’t worry too much because that added up to a bigger salary. Except insurance doesn’t do jack shit if I can’t pay for an apartment or car costs or student loans. 

What did I do?

First

I breathed. I took a breath. I washed my face and had a quick cry in the bathroom. Ain’t nothing wrong with a real fast cry. 

Second

I left a note on my bosses desk asking if he could speak to me about my contract whenever he was next available. 

Third

Once in my bosses office, I calmly handed him my contract back and said, “I’m very honored that you thought of me for a position, but I cannot accept what you’re offering me. I have a masters and I’ve taught in this school for a year, and I’d been under the assumption that I’d be receiving a different position than this.” He asked me what I was looking for. I said, “I would work for no less than [MY RANGE]. And if you cannot offer me that, then I’ll have to continue working for you part time until I can find another position elsewhere that can.” I thanked him very much for the offer. I was polite and upfront about my expectations for the position that I wanted. 

I can’t tell you what will happen. But I can tell you that going in there and establishing myself as a no BS worker who looks out for herself and negotiates got me farther than if I’d said nothing. 

I don’t know the outcome yet. I really don’t. 

But I can tell you that he is currently rewriting my contract with higher pay. 

Will it be high enough to keep me there? I don’t know. 

But I do know that today was me putting myself forward and taking a chance, and chances, no matter how small, do pay off. 

Ladies. 

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SPEAK ABOUT YOUR CONTRACTS. 

IT’S FUCKING TERRIFYING. 

BUT DO IT ANYWAY. 

BECAUSE YOU’RE WORTH MORE, AND THEY SHOULD KNOW THAT. 

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. 

im rewatching teen wolf, and the most unbelievable part of the first episode is not the werewolves, but the fact that scott mccall knows the word “litigious”

Classic Novels Turned Movies You Need To Watch

A Hello you guys! Here’s a list of Classic Novels Turned Movies I’ve read and watched and I thought of sharing them with you. If you have any suggestions you can always drop a message on my dm’s. Here goes;

Anna Karenina (2012) // Leo Tolstoy

Atonement (2007) // Ian McEwan

Emma (1996) // Jane Austen

Frankenstein (1931) // Mary Shelley

Great Expectations (2012) // Charles Dickens

Jane Eyre (2011) // Charlote Brontë

Les Miserables (2012) // Victor Hugo

Little Women (1994) // Louisa M. Alcott

Lolita (1997) // Vladimir Nabokov

Lord Of The Flies (1990) // William Golding

Macbeth (2015) // William Shakespeare

Madame Bovary (2014) // Gustave Flaubert

Of Mice And Men (1992) // John Steinbeck

Persuasion (2007) // Jane Austen

Pride And Prejudice (2005) // Jane Austen

Romeo And Juliet (2013) // William Shakespeare

Tess Of The D’Urbervilles (1979) // Thomas Hardy

The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn (1993) // Mark Twain

The Count of Monte Cristo (2002) // Alexandre Dumas

The Grapes Of Wrath (1940) // John Steinbeck

The Great Gatsby (2013) // F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Phantom Of The Opera (2004) // Gaston Leroux

The Picture of Dorian Gray (2017) // Oscar Wilde

The Scarlet Letter (1995) // Nathaniel Hawthorne

To Kill A Mockingbird (1962) // Harper Lee

Vanity Fair (2004) // William Makepeace Thackery

Wuthering Heights (2009) // Emily Brontë