Solas, You Absolute Trash Man. You Goof. You Dweeb.

I have so many and my sister listens! Don't know if I'd still be writing my novel without her. Love you, Dani!

I give that voice an A+++++

Reblog if you find Brynjolf's accent sexy

I’m gonna need all my DND people out here to think on this theory I just came up with after watching Venom last night and rewatching the Baldur’s Gate 3 trailer this evening...

As we all know, the Mind Flayers are inherently evil, xeno-centric space Nazis born of a hentai-watcher’s kinky nightmare. Fortunately, we’re not here to discuss that description I just burned into your brain.

What we will discuss however are their tadpoles. The small, sea-lamprey-like spawn of the Mind Flayers who implant themselves into a brain and feed off of it until they eventually take over the host body. Whatever. We been done knew that already.

BUT! What if it were possible to form a symbiotic relationship with the tadpole? As in let it continue to live behind your eye so long as the host eats brains to feed the tadpole’s hunger while in exchange maintaining use of the critter’s psyonic abilities? I mean, why not, other than the thought that the tadpole would never mature and kill you?

I mean, if that’s what comes out of a Mind Flayer after their aesexual reproductive cycles, then isn’t that the true state of Mind Flayers? What they were before I suppose the first tadpole came upon a host on whatever home world they hail from?

So, forgive me if I’m wrong, but what creature would refuse absolute protection, endless sustenance and very little effort on its behalf to the end of its days? That’s basically like keeping a cat that just lives in your head!

Has no one else ever contemplated this idea, or am I just alone on this one because I think Venom is funny?

Probably one of my favorite random things about LotR is the fact that

a) Pippin did a Gollum impression in the books

b) Pippin had never MET Gollum before that point and never would

c) yet it was an ACCURATE impression, as it startled and was recognized by the orc he was speaking to

d) the only possible explanation for Pippin Took’s accurate Gollum impression is this: Bilbo, while telling stories to the eager children, must have imitated Gollum perfectly

So, was no one gonna tell me that Sirius Black was only 36 when he died...? And 22 when he went to Azkaban...??? Or was I just supposed to do the math myself...? I am deeply hurt both by the fact that you people not only don’t throw out enough random HP facts/spoilers, but that you just made me sit down and do math. How dare you all...

Is it just me or do Wanda’s twin boys each look like the younger versions of both Quicksilvers?

And then, the X-Men universe Quicksilver shows up outta nowhere...???

This is how you say...suspicious...

I’m just gonna put this idea out there in the wind, because it’s been bothering me...

What if instead of Wizards becoming Aurors in the Wizarding World, there were Witchers...? Instead of Dementors guarding Azkaban, there were six foot something tall dudes with two swords on their backs and dimiritium grenades to be popped off at any given time and any prisoner wears a collar of the same metal or it’s put into their food?

Do you really think Bellatrix Le Strange would’ve gotten out of Prison? Do you think a Witcher wouldn’t have used Axii on Sirius Black to make him tell the truth about who really sold out Harry’s Parents? You think they wouldn’t have figured out Petigrew was still around maybe when one walked by Ron Weasely at Hogwarts holding a rat or even at the train station, like “Hold up. Your rat smells like a 40+ year old man, let me just check it out?”

And the prospect of having modern Witchers...??? They still have swords, of course, because of tradition and they keep their medallions and all their mutations, but they find safer ways to make Witchers, maybe even make female Witchers...? With modern anesthesia to prevent quite so many children (the 3/10 survival rate raised up to at least like 7/10???) and maybe, just maybe they’re less hated than they are on the Continent? More so respected than feared, but obviously, some dude with cat eyes, two swords on his back and a scowl walked into a bar, you’re gonna be at least a little intimidated.

There’s also the thought that Witchers might also carry modern weapons, because why have a wand and exhaust yourself when you can bring a gun to a wand fight and shoot silver bullets...??? Can you imagine how much more danger Remus Lupin would’ve been in if Witchers were guarding Hogwarts when the Murauders were running around...? If one of them might’ve even been able to help him? Find his maker and help him break the curse...?

Can you even fathom how much James Potter might’ve idolized Witchers...? Sirius Black the cad to end all other cads himself...?

And how much faster would Voldemort have been dealt with? “Oh, you have an evil Wizard trying to start a war? Yeah, pay me five hundred galens and he’ll be dead by the end of the weekend.” But when they find out about the horcruxes they’re like “Huh...okay seven hundred and the end of the week” like there’s no way the fate of the world would’ve been dumped on Harry’s shoulders because it never would’ve come to pass. Harry’s parents probably would’ve lived and a lot of evil Wizards would be dead rather than locked up.

It’s just a concept in my mind that just seems like they could mesh so well together, but the plot points of the Harry Potter books just would be so completely different, because Witchers are prepared. For example, a School of the Wolf being invited to the Tri-Wizard Tournament? Oh, my God, you think a platoon of Witchers wouldn’t be assigned by Dumbledore to protect the school? Wouldn’t investigate the ingredients missing from Snape’s stores and smell Polyjuice Potion all over “Moody”, figure out he’s a newly escaped Crouch Jr. and immediately take him out? And probably Karkaroff, too just to be safe...? You think they wouldn’t recognize the Cup as a port key and warn everyone...?

Voldemort wouldn’t be able to get literally anything done if they had Witchers watching over/wandering the Wizarding world...and maybe even being born...? What if they could find a way to make Witchers that are fertile...? A new form of “pure blood” contention? Pure Witchers always quarreling with Pure Wizards and when some of their children refuse the “Path” lifestyle they can go to Hogwarts to learn more about magic, creature care and alchemy rather than hunting and fighting monsters?

Can you imagine how many of them would probably be more often than not sorted into houses like Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff over Slytherin or Griffindor? Witchers aren’t raised to have bold ambition or to seek glory through their bravery. Only to seek knowledge for the good of others and to help those in need...

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk...

Imagine knowing Geralt of Rivia for many years...but when he finds you again, you've stopped your questing and become a bard...singing with the same voice that entranced him all those years ago...

Geralt stops dead in his tracks as he passes in front of Dandelion’s tavern in Novigrad. He couldn’t believe his own ears…as the sound of a silken voice he hadn’t heard for an age came to his ears. Ciri, Triss and Yennefer who were walking with him gave him a queer look. “Geralt, what on earth are you stopping for?” Triss asked. Geralt weighed his options and took a deep breath. “I-…I need to go see who’s playing.” He said awkwardly, praying in his mind that it was actually you. He hurried into the tavern, listening to the end of your song, smiling faintly as his suspicion was confirmed. The girls just watched him as he ignored the crowd, lowering his hood and walking right up on stage, hugging you tightly just after you set your lute down. After a warm greeting and some explanation, he came to introduce you to the girls and they were all stunned by you. “Ladies, I’d like you to meet Y/n…I’ve known her longer than Vesemir.” He smiled just a bit more warmly. “G-Geralt-” Ciri stammered. “Her eyes and hair- Is she-…a Witcher…?” She asked in shock. “A woman as a Witcher…that’s-…not possible.” Triss said with a breathtaken tone. You just smiled and bowed low. “I stopped hunting years ago…but I like to keep my edge, working with Dandy. It’s wonderful to finally meet the women that he sings about.” You chuckled…it was the first time you had seen Geralt in nearly a hundred years…

Why do parents feel the need to listen to Facebook videos on full volume, with no headphones in a room where other people can hear what they’re listening to...? I don’t wanna hear a list of facts about Reba McEntire. I don’t wanna know the recipe for the quiche you’re gonna try forcing me to help you make this weekend. I want you to use the four sets of headphones I’ve bought you over the past few years, specifically so you can listen to shit on your phone without disturbing anyone.

I am, how you might say...✨irritated✨

Once more for those in the back.