You Ever Know What It's Like To Lose The Person You Love? That Pain That You Feel Because You Feel As
you ever know what it's like to lose the person you love? that pain that you feel because you feel as though it's all your fault? I lost the man I love because I feel like I fucked up so bad. I feel like I did everything wrong. As much as he tells me it's not all my fault. I'm always gonna feel that way. He tells me that he's giving me another chance to show him I'm changing but he's out on a date with someone else. I'm so confused /: And the way he talks to me.... Talking to me like I'm a stranger when he's drunk. Why? He says he hates to see me hurt, but yet he's gonna talk to me that way.. What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Why us? We had everything. Yes, we had problems but what couple doesn't? Okay, so I haven't shown him my ambition. Alright, I get that. But if you really loved me like you say you do, you would've tried to push me harder then you did. I love him with my entire being. I believe he is the piece I've been missing all of these years and I don't wanna give that up. I've got hope that once I show him how serious I really am, he'll change his mind and want this back. It hurts so much. The sound of his voice soothes me and makes me think things are okay but then reality kicks in and all I wanna do is die... I wanna crawl under a rock and die. I can't deal with this pain and I'm afraid I'm gonna die of a broken heart because of this. I can't eat, I can't sleep. All I can do is toss and turn and panic. I don't wanna hurt anymore. I want us back. I want everything we had back. He is my best friend and my whole world. Since he left, my world has crashed down around me and I feel so alone. I'm glad he's still in my life, but I don't like not having him in my life as my boyfriend. I thought we had a future together? We talked about it all the time. All I can do now, is show him that I'm changing and hope for the best. He says he's moving on with his life because he doesn't believe that I'm changing. I can't wait to show him how serious I am. I don't wanna move on. He means everything to me. He will always be my number 1. And he'll always have my heart. And I'm glad to know that I will always have a huge part of his heart. All I can do is hope....
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You just can’t make me different and then leave.
Looking for Alaska, John Green sognatricesenzali (via sognatricesenzali)
I do, I do. You never cease to amaze me. When I'm with you, I can't see anyone else. Damn boy, you make my heart flutter.
How Petty
I’ve come to the realization that people now a days can be downright petty and ridiculous. Yeah, I’m sure some of you have known that from the beginning, and yeah it took me a little longer to notice. Reason I’m writing about this is because I’ve had some “friends” who thought that it was a good idea to be super petty. Example number 1: I currently live with a good friend of mine that I’ve known since freshman year. When I first moved in with her, things were great. It was just the two of us and her dog. The apartment was super clean and neat and things were awesome. I was genuinely happy. Well some shit happened and we had to move out of that particular apartment into another one in the same complex. I thought things were gonna be the same... Man was I wrong. First off; when we were in the process of moving, she had invited 2 other people to stay with us in a 2 bedroom apartment without so much as asking me how I felt about it. That really irked my nerves because the people that lived with us weren’t the cleanest and it was too much. There were too many women in that apartment and we all started fighting and what not. Well, in the midst of them living with us, they would eat or drink things that weren’t theirs. So my roommate started labeling things that she bought so the other 2 living with us wouldn’t touch anything. Understandable. Well when they finally moved out, my roommate continued labeling things that she had bought. Clearly I didn’t buy it so I know not to touch it of course unless I asked you, so why be petty and label? Well this has been going on for months and now that her ogre is gone, it should change. I hope. Now on to the second “friend” I had that decided to be petty for no damn reason. So I work overnights and it sucks sometimes because some of my friends want to go out and they want me to tag along. Well one Saturday night came along and my friends all wanted to take a vacation to Cocoa Beach. They rented a hotel right off the beach and wanted to go get away from everything and they had invited me out there with them; of course I wanted to go but I knew that I had to go to work, so I called out. Big deal, it was my first time since I started this job so I wasn’t worried about it. And I’m glad I did because I had an awesome weekend. Now fast forward to the Saturday after this one: when Hurricane Matthew came through here me and a few friends went to one of their grandmothers house to stay safe from the storm. Well we went there on Thursday and left Friday afternoon. My job was closed down for those 2 days for obvious reasons. Unsafe conditions to work in. Well Saturday rolls around and I knew I had to work, so I prepared like I normally would and my friends had made plans to go out and have a night out at a club called Southern Nights; which is a gay club. They wanted me to go really bad, so I thought about it all day and finally decided to call out. We went out and had a kick ass night. One of the best nights I’d had in a while. Well one of the people I work with that called themselves my “friend” decided it would be funny if they put my business on blast AT MY JOB. When you wanna risk someone’s job, risk your own. If you have to be so petty to risk someone else’s job; you’re pathetic. I just wanted to get this off of my chest as it’s been bothering me since it happened.
Some of us have to grow up sometimes,
and so, if I have to I’m gonna leave you behind
This is exactly how I feel right now.
Unfortunately I’m the type of person that you can screw over 1 million times and I would still be there for you if you needed me.
(via awkwarddly)
