Late Night Thoughts 4/1/18
Late Night Thoughts 4/1/18
I feel angry and sad at the same time tonight. I want to scream, yell, shout, punch something, and cry all at the same time. I feel this way a lot lately and I don’t know what to do to make it better. Medication does nothing to help. The only thing that I’ve noticed makes any sort of difference is marijuana. Mary Jane is the only one who can make me feel better, but it’s only when I’m high that I feel better. When the high wears off, I feel miserable again. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can smoke all the time, but I refuse to get behind the wheel when I’ve been smoking. What do I do when I have to go to work? How do I make this feeling of defeat go away? Do I just need to cry it out? Will that make me feel better? I thought that being alone was the problem, but I’ll be honest, I’d rather be alone than be with someone that can’t make me happy, or doesn’t understand what I’m going through. I think I just need someone who will understand and won’t judge me. I pretend to be happy but deep down, I’m hurting. I don’t wanna feel this way anymore. I just want to feel happiness all the time. But how? I thought that suicide was the way to go when I was younger, but I realized that taking your own life isn’t right. It may take my pain away, but I would never want to put that pain on those I love, even if it is just family. I just don’t know what to do or where to turn to. I try to talk it out with friends and family but it’s like they just don’t understand what I’m going through. I’ve thought about speaking with a therapist, but I don’t know how much they can help. I just want to feel better already. I’ve spent the last 17 years trying to fight this. It’s only gotten worse and I’m exhausted. I’m done fighting, and I’m done feeling like no one understands.
More Posts from Nicoledavisss and Others
You just can’t make me different and then leave.
Looking for Alaska, John Green sognatricesenzali (via sognatricesenzali)
By terrifoss
I don't
wanna lose my bestfriend. I feel like we're drifting apart and I don't like it at all. Please don't leave me alone like this. I want it all to go back to how it was before. When we talked on the phone at night and we talked for hours about nothing. What I would give for all of that back. I hate this feeling so much. I wish I could could have it all back.
‘The Raven’ was almost ‘The Parrot’. When Edgar Allen Poe first conceived of the poem, he wanted a 'melancholy’ feel and planned to use 'nevermore’ as a refrain. Deciding that a talking, non- reasoning animal would be the best way to repeat the word, Poe first thought of a parrot - until he realized ravens are 'equally capable of speech, and infinitely more in keeping with the intended tone.’ Source Source 2
This is exactly how I feel right now.
you have no idea
you have no idea how happy I am that you still have me come over every weekend. Or maybe you do, Idk. But, that's one of the things I adored about our relationship. And I'm happy that you loved it too. I love knowing that you love spending time with me. It makes me feel really special. I just wish I was your girlfriend again. I miss you calling me baby, and I miss you telling me that you loved me in that cute little voice you used to do it in. I love coming over here on the weekends and spending time with you like we used to do. It makes me feel like we're still together even though we aren't anymore. At least I can dream, right? I love that when I come over, we still sleep in the same bed and cuddle like we used to. I've never been happier then I am right now being with you. Even if we're not together. You said you wouldn't be surprised if you asked me back out, and I'll be waiting for that day. Cause I know, one day you're gonna realize what you had when you were with me and want it all back. No matter how long it takes, I'll be here.
