Sometimes I Suddenly Remember “hey You Actually Get To Meet Them And Be In Love With Them In Person

　　　we were always going home ,

yes, i have shifted, more than ten times, if you’re the sort who counts miracles like matchsticks or notches on a headboard. i am not. i do not tally my miracles like debts to be repaid. they arrive not as triumphs, but as returns. familiar. like a song i almost forgot i knew until i was humming it again, accidentally, under the breath of my dreaming.

i do not care if you believe me. i say that without spite. belief was never a prerequisite for truth. you do not have to clap for the moon to rise, nor bow to the ocean to be pulled under. reality does not ask for applause. it simply is.

i shifted after four years. four years of thinking maybe i was broken in some exquisite, cosmic way, cracked just wide enough to want, never wide enough to have. four years of collecting every method like seashells, pressing each one to my ear and listening for home. sometimes i heard static. sometimes i heard blood. sometimes i heard nothing at all. 

there were nights i didn't think i'd live to see morning. i say that with the softest voice possible, not for pity, but because it's true. i don't mean metaphorical dark nights of the soul, i mean the real ones. the kind where your body's still, but your mind is clawing at the walls, begging for a window. the kind where shifting wasn't some spiritual hobby or escapist whim, but a lifeline. a rope thrown into the pit.

i don't know who i would've been if i hadn't believed. not the glowing kind of belief. not the pretty kind. but the cracked, ugly kind. the kind that crawls. the kind that gasps, "please, just let me wake up somewhere else."

so when i say i shifted, i don't say it lightly. it wasn't a party trick. it was a resurrection.

quiet. not cinematic. not some thunderclap of fate. it was a shift like how morning happens, slowly, and then all at once. i remember going to sleep in my room, wrapped in some terrible hoodie, the air stale with the smell of forgetting. and then, like a breath i didn't know i'd been holding: i am there. not will be. not want to be. not maybe one day. i am. right now. here. and there.

it didn't feel like magic. it felt like choosing god, even if you don't know who god is. like giving yourself permission to walk on water not because it's easy, but because the alternative is drowning.

the assumption wasn't loud. it was a hum. a bassline beneath everything. and the moment i tuned into it, the world bent. not to serve me, but to meet me. like it was always trying to.

this is how i got there: i assumed i was there. i used the law.

i wish i had something more elegant to offer. a potion. a spell. a hundred-counted ritual. i don't. i have only assumption. not the performance of it, but the private, unwavering kind. the kind that does not blink. the kind that plants a flag in the dirt and says, "this is mine, because i said so."

i said i was there. so i was. not overnight. not in a blaze of light. it happened like a thread slipping through the eye of a needle, one slow stitch at a time. i told the air around me that my dr was real. i told the silence. i told the toothbrush in my hand, the toothpaste cap i dropped on the floor, the moth blinking against the bathroom light.

i didn't have to fight for it anymore. i didn't have to prove myself worthy. desire is not a courtroom, and the universe is not a jury. i stopped begging. i started being. and slowly, the scaffolding of this reality dissolved.

this wasn't faith. faith is something you carry with trembling hands. this was certainty. this was sitting still long enough for the river to realise it already knew your name. this was recognising that shifting was not a door you unlock with the right key, but a room you have already lived in. the furniture remembers your weight. the walls still echo your voice.

i shifted because i remembered.

and i kept remembering. even when it felt stupid. even when it hurt. even when the forum girls sighed and the scripting girls cried and the cynics said i was lost in a fantasy. maybe i was. but so is everyone. some people just settle for worse ones.

this is what i know: you can get there too. you are not cursed. you are not exempt. the moment you stop performing belief and start inhabiting it, like a house, like a skin, like an inheritance, you will see.

it is not far. it is next. it is with. it is just beyond the veil of doubt, waiting to be spoken aloud like a name that's always been yours.

you do not have to be special. you do not have to be chosen. you do not need a voice in the sky or a star to fall at your feet. you only need to decide. quietly. daily. like it's brushing your teeth. like it's feeding the dog. like it's the most ordinary miracle in the world.

let it be that simple. let it be that unremarkable. you were never meant to earn it. only to remember it. only to open your hands and realise they've been holding the key the whole time.

assume. not with fear, but with fondness. not with hunger, but with homecoming.

and if you don't believe yet, pretend. not out of desperation, but out of reverence. act like you are there not because it will trick the world, but because it will tune you to it. reality doesn't respond to panic. it responds to presence.

so say the toothbrush is yours. say the air smells different. say the cereal tastes sweeter. say the light is warmer. say your name with a little more certainty. you don't need proof. you are the proof.

and do not ask yourself how again. ask when. ask what now. ask am i ready to walk through the door i've been holding shut with both hands all this time?

because the door is open. the light is on. your seat is warm. your name is carved in the table.

come back.

i write about shifting in my physical diary because there’s no reason i would ever stop being a shifter and i have no reason to be embarrassed about leaving a record. it’s what consumes most of my thoughts anyway

can't believe tom riddle can make me giggle in another universe. when did i get here. how did this happen. i was supposed to hate that man

shifting is my hobby. in my free time i am a mermaid, solve murders, have a debate with aristotle, ride a dragon, climb a mountain, relax while watching the stars with no hair pollution. i can do everything when im bored and come back some hours later. living the life.

i am missing my man . peace out

After shifting to a DR, how do memories within that reality feel or recall to the awareness?

🌊 Based on my experience

In your DR, you’ll remember your CR as a whole, and how it feels will depend on how different your DR and CR are, whether you used a method or LOA and whether it’s your first time shifting or if you’re more experienced.

First, if you’re in your DR, you’ll always remember your CR as a whole. You’ll recall a few details, but not much more than that.

🐚 If your DR is very different from your CR

Remembering your CR might feel strange (especially if you used a method, where you’d expect to be "teleported," while with LOA, the shift happens unexpectedly). In any case, as soon as you’re in your DR, recalling your CR will feel odd. Since you’re not teleporting your body but your consciousness:

In your DR body, feelings will seem normal. You won’t feel out of place—just as if you’ve always been in your DR. However, mentally, you’ll be fully aware of a divide between two very different realities. Sometimes, it might feel like your CR was just a dream, but you’ll realize it was too detailed and long for that.

Right after the "teleportation," if you don’t experience symptoms, you won’t immediately notice anything unusual. Seeing your DR room will seem completely normal. But after a few seconds or minutes, you’ll realize that just moments ago, you weren’t there.

During the first moments in your DR, your mind will still hold onto memories from your CR. Again, this will feel normal, and you won’t specially be surprised. However, some memories from your DR will be present as soon as you arrive, while others will gradually replace or integrate into your mind as you remain in your DR.

The more you progress through the day, interact with people, visit places, and "participate" in your DR—because yes, you could also stay locked in your DR room without interacting with anyone—the more your DR will become familiar. Sometimes, you’ll meet someone in your DR without "recognizing" them at first, but as soon as they speak to you, the memories of them will settle in.

If you have a script or shift into a DR you’ve prepared, like a fictional one, then obviously, you’ll recognize everything. But if you haven’t prepared anything specific, it’ll feel more like I described above.

Gradually, your CR memories will fade in your mind and become less detailed, though you’ll still remember them. Meanwhile, your DR memories will take over. Don’t worry, it doesn’t take long, and it really depends on how much time you spend in your DR, interacting with people, leaving your room, etc.

If you’ve done a mini-shift before, you’ll remember your CR and DR in the same way.

Then, when you return to your CR, you’ll recall your DR like a global memory, and since you already know your CR, you’ll retrieve your memories more quickly. Whether you’re in your DR or returning to your CR, you’ll need time to get your thoughts in order.

🐚 If you shift into a similar reality

Whether you use a method or LOA, you might either realize immediately that you’ve shifted, or discover it later—it depends on how obvious the changes are.

In that case, you’ll just have this feeling that "before," things weren’t like this or that "some time ago," things were different, with a strong sense of certainty.

🐚For master reality shifters

If you shift multiple times between different realities in a short span of time, you might feel a bit disoriented or experience depersonalization/derealization. But again, this will pass if you immerse yourself in the reality you’re in.

Finally, if you’ve been shifting for several years, realities will just feel like "places" you’ve been to. Even if you change families, appearances, etc. in your DR, it won’t really matter—you’ll view your DRs as if they were just travels to another country. The word "reality" will seem less significant, and for you, it’ll be just another place that adds to your memories.

VOILA!

Once again, this is just based on my own experience.

i 💓 scripting in my notebook 💓💓💓

Shifting has made me realize how much I really want to live. I actually want to do so much. I want to know worlds and instruments and languages and people and careers. I want to experience everything over and over and over again

And after all, it's really possible

Fuck school im shifting

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