🌊 The Void State And The Meaning Of Life

my heart was not made to yearn this much like 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i need to shift

We did it gang

"i'll find you in every universe"

　　　the chronicles of emma's marauders dr. . . ౨ৎ the autumn air at hogwarts had a peculiar bite that year. a nip that whispered, “change is coming,” as though it were a narrator leaning out of a brontë novel. for emma, however, that sixth year began not with the rustling leaves of destiny, but with the sound of the whomping willow absolutely walloping someone into oblivion.

by breakfast the next morning, the great hall was alive with its usual din of students scarfing down toast and pumpkin juice. but dumbledore’s announcement, delivered with a kind of tragic grandeur, like a king recounting the fall of troy, was anything but ordinary. the morning news announcer had met their untimely demise (or at least a rather severe concussion) courtesy of hogwarts' most aggressive tree.

emma, seated at the gryffindor table with a crumbling croissant in hand, felt a spark behind her glasses that could have lit a thousand chandeliers. galleons. no, gringotts vaults. flashed in her mind’s eye. “oh.... merlin,” she murmured, her voice barely audible over the clatter of plates. the phrase wasn’t prayerful; it was jubilant.

by the time lunch rolled around, she was already halfway to mcgonagall’s office, the smell of opportunity thick as honey in the air. Interviews for the new morning news announcer would be conducted posthaste, and emma, prefect, gryffindor, academically formidable with a surname prestigious enough to make even lucius malfoy raise an eyebrow, knew the position was hers. the word "interview" was merely a formality, like calling the sky "blue" or history "long."

the waiting area was a dreary corridor with an unenthusiastic fern wilting in the corner. beside her sat a fourth-year whose nerves were strung tighter than a violin in a vivaldi concerto. “sooo… you’re trying out to be the morning announcement person too?” emma asked, her tone casual, like she was asking about the weather or whether the one who shall not be named preferred tea or coffee.

the boy stammered, every word tripping over the last like lemmings hurling themselves into the abyss. “y-yeah… i th-think it would be r-really f-fu-fun! and it’d ra-raise my s-s-s-self-esteem.” he finished with a hopeful grin, as though emma might pat him on the back and say, good for you, sport.”

emma did not.

when mcgonagall called his name—"mike"—and he shuffled inside, emma stifled a laugh that threatened to bubble up like cauldron foam. alone at last, she leaned back, legs crossed, eyes half-lidded with feline confidence. “oh, i’ve got this job in the bag,” she muttered, the phrase curling in the air like smoke from a witch’s cauldron. sure, she had her very famous anonymous newsletter...but...she had to get her voice further out there. she had to destroy coriolanus snow.

but then, because fate loves a good plot twist, third-year boy plopped down beside her, exuding the kind of overconfidence usually reserved for heroes in bad adventure novels. “who are you?” emma asked, her voice a scalpel of disinterest.

“kacey millard,” he replied with a flourish, his voice dripping with self-importance. "i’m in third year, and people have always told me i have the voice of an angel dipped in butter.” he grinned, unrepentant. “my friends call it ‘audible chocolate.’ i’m here to get that chocolate on the airwaves.”

emma’s grimace could have soured milk. before she could formulate a reply dripping with the venom of a brontë antagonist, mcgonagall emerged, dismissed mike, and gestured at emma.

inside the office, the air was heavy with that peculiar authority mcgonagall always carried. “read this,” the professor instructed, handing emma a sheet of parchment.

emma adopted an expression so innocent it could’ve been sold at a toy shop. “professor...excuse my french, but what’s a ‘moronic old hag of a woman’?”

mcgonagall blinked, bewildered. “what? why are you asking me that?”

“well,” emma began with the sweetness of a poisoned apple, “it’s just that the..kid.. kacey said that’s what you were.”

when emma stepped out of the office, kacey was waiting, his face alight with misplaced optimism. she gave him a slow, toothy grin that could have made the mona lisa blush. he looked horrified.

the morning at hogwarts dawned with the crispness of parchment freshly unfurled. the kind of air that whispered secrets through the castle’s draughty corridors. emma, perched at the head of the gryffindor table, was already flipping through the day’s announcements with the air of someone holding a map to buried treasure. and fully prepared to narrate the excavation. her prefect badge glinted under the enchanted ceiling, and her quill was poised to scribble some commentary.

by mid-morning, the great hall’s enchanted speakers crackled to life, carrying emma’s dulcet tones to every corner of the castle. her voice was bright and poised, the kind of tone that one might mistake for innocence… until it wasn’t.

“morning, hogwarts,” she began, the voice drawing out the attention of even the most half-asleep students. “these are the morning announcements, and i am emma [...]. all forms for the schoolbook must be handed to mr. flitwick in his office by the end of the school day today.” she paused, humming lightly in mock thoughtfulness. “doesn’t seem like they gave us a lot of notice on that. oh well.”

her quill twirled idly as she read on. “for lunch today, the great hall will be serving a variety of foods from europe… in celebration of… europe week.” she paused again, this time with a languid sigh. “remember when we used to have a more broad variety of foods? i mean, what has happened to our school? this school is transforming into something really bad. and why? because we have leadership that doesn’t care. i’m talking, of course, about our student body president, coriolanus snow.”

somewhere in the middle of potions, coriolanus (also known as emma's nr one biggest rival, so much so, that lily coined it a cold war) rolled his eyes, a gesture as elegant as it was disdainful. his quill paused mid-stroke, though he didn’t bother looking up from his parchment.

emma’s voice carried on, growing bolder with every syllable. “ever since coriolanus was elected student body president, this school has started a rapid decline towards some… socialist regime, where students no longer have a voice.” she let the silence that followed sit for just a beat too long, perfectly calibrated for dramatic effect.

“the astronomy tower will be closed off today,” she continued, picking up the parchment again. “all students in the astronomy class will be meeting in the divination classroom instead.” there was an audible rustle as she tossed the parchment aside. “oh, so now the school is using money to do something to the astronomy tower. how old and outdated is our quidditch field? what other school has a 400-year-old quidditch field? our school president is turning this whole place into communist russia. it’s not a coincidence that once coriolanus snow took off, this school started falling apart at the seams. your professors don’t want to tell you, but they are scared, and they should be. because the very fabric of this school is tearing in all corners.”

a few students exchanged wide-eyed glances. somewhere, a hufflepuff whispered nervously, “oh, jeez.”

emma, unfazed and evidently thriving, leaned back in her chair. she held the microphone with one hand, the other gesturing grandly as though she were conducting an orchestra. “but, hey,” she said, her tone pivoting seamlessly to mock humility, “i’m just a normal kid just like you, except that i ask questions. and because i’m brave enough to ask questions, i come under scrutiny.” she paused for effect.

“is coriolanus using your hogsmeade galleons to buy narcotics? probably not. but how can we know?! i don’t want my hogsmeade money going to drugs! who’s taking these drugs? is coriolanus letting them? what would be the point? i’m asking questions.”

the broadcast ended with a resounding click as the speakers cut off abruptly. likely due to professor mcgonagall storming into the broadcast room and yanking the magical connection herself. but the damage, as they say, was done. by the time the echoes of emma’s words faded from the hallways, her name was already on every student’s lips, a ripple of chaos spreading through the castle like fiendfyre. james and sirius were probably clapping somewhere in the classrooms. bravo.

she, of course, manipulated her way to being able to tell the morning announcements again.

“good morning, students,” she started one morning. “the quidditch team practices are friday afternoon. that is, of course, if our student body president does something about our abysmal quidditch field. i have a question: what does coriolanus snow actually do? he’s supposed to be the president, right? what is his agenda? he’s lying to everyone. or is he? let’s ask these questions.”

and that happened the next day.

“now i want to talk briefly about the state of our school’s economy. the bake sale last week was a complete failure.”

anddd the next.

“and besides that, who actually voted for coriolanus snow?” she plopped the paper on the table for dramatic effect. “i know i didn’t. and everyone who did is now scratching their heads and going, ‘whoops. guess i shouldn’t have done that.’”

andddd the next.

“i’m not in the student council. i’m just a normal kid like all of you, and like all of you, i want to know what has happened to my schkewl.”

soon, she had a full-on room dedicated to her. props and all. she even asked lily to give her muggle soundtape so she could add a little foreword music… it being ‘queen.’

“lunch today is going to be, as always, a feast without any apple pasties. again,” she sighed. “friends, our school is dying and you know it. you feel it. you’re like me, you wanna change it. but, oh no, coriolanus snow’s not going to let that happen. this is not the school that we grew up in. and i don’t know if i can get it back.”

the corridors of hogwarts were quiet, the sort of silence that felt like the school itself was holding its breath. emma’s footsteps echoed against the stone walls as she twirled her wand absentmindedly, her prefect badge catching the dim glow of the torches. beside her, coriolanus snow walked with his usual posture of practiced disdain, his robes pristine and his prefect badge gleaming as though it had never seen a speck of dust.

“you’re an idiot,” he said without looking at her, his voice cool and clipped, like a professor reprimanding a particularly unruly first-year.

emma, unbothered as ever, smiled up at him. “you’re going to have to be more specific. i’ve been called many things, but i like to know what particular brand of idiocy i’m being accused of tonight.”

he stopped walking, turning to face her with a look that could have frozen the entire black lake. “you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

she tilted her head, her expression a mask of innocence that only made him more exasperated. “oh, is this about the morning announcements? i thought i’d been doing quite a service to the school. rousing the masses, asking the tough questions, exposing corruption—”

“you’re calling me a communist.”

“technically,” she said, holding up a finger, “i’m calling you the architect of a socialist regime, which is much more nuanced.”

coriolanus pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like a curse. “do you even understand how ridiculous you sound? me? a communist? i’m a pureblood slytherin with a lineage that practically glows in the dark from its superiority complex. my father was the minister of magic, for merlin’s sake.”

emma’s toothy smile softened slightly as she reached out and lightly tapped his arm with her wand. “relax, coryo. it’s just a bit of fun.”

“it’s not fun when half the school is whispering behind my back and the other half is calling me comrade snow,” he snapped, though there was a trace of something weary beneath the irritation. she suppressed a laugh. "merlin, first it was that reckless anonymous newsletter, now this."

she stopped twirling her wand and tucked it away, her grin fading into something gentler. “oh, come on. you don’t actually care what they think, do you? you’re coriolanus snow. nothing sticks to you. you’re like teflon.”

his brow furrowed, and for a moment, he looked almost…tired. “of course i care. do you have any idea how much i’ve worked to maintain my reputation? people like you can get away with this…this foolishness because everyone already adores you. but me?”

emma’s heart did a funny little twist at the vulnerability slipping through the cracks of his usual armor. “well, if it makes you feel any better,” she said, taking a half-step closer, “i’ve always thought you were brilliant.”

he blinked, caught off guard. “you have?”

“don’t let it go to your head,” she teased, her toothy smile returning. “but yes. i may not agree with…well, most of what you say or do, but you’re clever. ambitious, i suppose. you’ve got that whole dark and brooding thing down to an art form.”

for a moment, he just stared at her, his gray eyes searching hers as if trying to decide whether or not she was mocking him. then, almost imperceptibly, the corners of his mouth twitched upward.

“you’re insufferable,” he said, but his tone lacked its usual bite.

“you’re welcome,” she replied breezily.

they resumed their patrol, the silence between them lighter now, almost companionable. as they turned a corner, emma glanced at him from the corner of her eye. maybe she did...sort of cross a line.

“you know,” she said, her voice soft, “if it’s really bothering you, i’ll stop with the announcements. i don’t want to make things harder for you.”

he stopped again, looking at her with an expression she couldn’t quite read. “you’d do that?”

"sure,” she said, shrugging. “just say the word. i'm a bit too lazy to write all that stuff anyway.”

he hesitated, then shook his head. “no. if you stopped now, everyone would think i forced you. and besides…” he allowed himself a small, wry smile. “your idiotic ramblings are strangely…endearing.”

she laughed, a bright, clear sound that echoed through the empty corridor. “i’ll take that as a compliment.”

as they continued their patrol, emma couldn’t help but notice the faintest hint of warmth in his voice when he said, “don’t let it go to your head.”

Shifting has made me realize how much I really want to live. I actually want to do so much. I want to know worlds and instruments and languages and people and careers. I want to experience everything over and over and over again

And after all, it's really possible

i want to post one of my drs so so bad but it’s so niche literally no one would give a gaf

16 likes on tiktok is embarrassing but 16 likes on tumblr is like winning a grammy

this is so so so cute

what’s in my bag — kpop dr .•°

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cannot begin to describe how long this took me T^T so i hope you like it !! anyway, here is what’s in my bag in my kpop/clarity dr !!!

my bag is the adidas original pu biker bag !! i got it from an adidas campaign that clarity did. one thing to note is that i’m scripting there are two versions and ver 2 has longer straps bcs i’m more comfortable with that !!

on the front of the bag i’ve got some decor!! some small little things to personalise it hshshs :

⟢ my mum’s claw clip — she gave it to me when she came to visit, i’ve got it clipped onto one of the straps

⟢ a carabiner from sabrina carpenter — it has the engraving “You Are My Lucky Star”, i’ve attached a few charms to it :

•⟢ a lucky 7 ball — i love the number 7, i love that shade of red and the number itself reminds me of enhypen (who i’m a huge fan of!!)

•⟢ a light stick keychain — i’ve just used the enhypen light stick as an example but in actuality, it’s clarity’s light stick aka the claridome, i’m matching with my members !!

•⟢ the purple candy store series sonny angel — also matching with my members bcs this series has our designated colours !!

next up are the exterior pockets !!

in side pocket 1 i have :

⟢ my keys — obvious necessity of course, i’ve got my car keys, my house/dorm, and then some company keys : the music studio, dance studio, recording studio and my locker. attached onto the keys are two key rings :

•⟢ a little mushroom — from the day i landed in south korea after being accepted into fantagio ent. as a trainee!! i needed to get smth to commemorate it bcs i’m nothing if not sentimental

•⟢ a resin orchid flower charm with bronzite, cherry quartz and pearl beads — a gift from jungwon !! it was during a secret santa that we did with the other 04’ idols on our friend group

⟢ three lippies :

•⟢ a clarins plum lip oil , a burt’s bees coconut & pear lip balm and a burt’s bees cucumber and mint lip balm — super niche flavours of lip balm but i can’t lie, they’re my absolute favourites

⟢ a tiny perfume — jasmine and sandalwood scented ofcs

⟢ a small shell shaped jewellery box — usually i’d take off any jewellery i’m wearing when i get tired or overstimulated, it can fit quite a lot of things including earrings, necklaces, rings, bracelets (that aren’t solid like bangles), but even if i’m wearing all my jewellery, it serves the purpose of housing my guitar picks

in the front pocket i have : my snacks!!

⟢ two packs of jumpy’s — a little treat from enhypen’s jake when he ordered a bunch of aussie snacks

⟢ warheads — i love sour things so i’ve always got a pack on me

⟢ sour blueberry bubblegum — this isn’t always in my bag but if i can find this specific brand and flavour, i def have it with me (another sour one)

⟢ chai tea sachets — god forbid whatever hotel we’re staying at doesn’t have chai

⟢ mint strips bcs obvs

in side pocket 2 i have :

⟢ two sets of headphones — my beats fit pro bluetooth headphones in grey, and my apple wired headphones that i keep just in case my bluetooth’s lose charge, and to stop them from getting tangled, the wired headphones live in this little shell trinket box

⟢ a tiny vial of moon water — it’s cute, it’s spiritual, it’s shaped like a star, what more can i say?

⟢ a capo — i got it as a gift from enhypen’s jay !!

⟢ a lace draw string bag full of crystals — a citrine tumble, a tigers eye tumble, a labradorite tumble, a flower agate palm stone and a raw herkimer diamond

ok here comes the main pocket !!

⟢ yes, i’ve got two phones — a personal phone and a work phone :

•⟢ my personal phone is the iphone 11 in purple — it has a polaroid of clarity during our tour in sydney !! it was taken by our manager and i keep it in the case

•⟢ my work phone is the iphone 14 in baby blue — it has a tiny little teddy bear charm attached to it’s clear case, i got the charm from a lumino (our fandom name!!)

⟢ a portable charger bcs obvs

⟢ my current read — i always have a book on me, and i tend to read multiple books so i’ll have ebooks on both phones as well as a physical book in my bag aksjdjs, my current read is The God Of Small Things by Arundathi Roy, a gift from my dad !!

⟢ two notebooks, each for a different purpose :

•⟢ my journal — the brown leather book, embossed with prints of flowers, a few sticker stamps that i got as a gift from vicki’s stamp collection, it’s a mess of a mind dump, a complete amalgamation of thoughts, un-curated, unfiltered, and extremely authentic, the notebook itself was part of a birthday present from my members !!

•⟢ my lyric book — the little red notebook that i found at a corner store in some nook of london, i got it during our first world tour and have been using it as the place to go when i get random inspiration

⟢ a tiny teddy bear plush toy — i got it from my little brother when i visited home again after a long time

⟢ a digital camera — i got it from enhypen’s sunghoon on my twentieth birthday bcs not only was i an official adult but it was also nearing the end of our mc-ing contract

⟢ finally, i’ve got four seperate pouches inside the main pocket :

•⟢ my makeup pouch — a vivienne westwood red pouch that i bought with my own money . and then i became an ambassador like, a week later.. all i had to do was wait a week.. typical

•⟢ my hygienics pouch — got it from a lumino during a fansign !! they said it reminded them of regulus and they knew i was a huge regulus stan so they got it for me ??? i cried

•⟢ my pencil case — i’ve had it since predebut, never want to get rid of it, i actively mended it when the zipper came loose once .. it’s staying with me till the end i fear

•⟢ my wallet — idek where i got this, it just showed up one day in my closet and i just ran with it, surprisingly fits everything i need tho

in my makeup pouch i have :

⟢ a beautiful compact mirror — i got this from chris aka stray kid’s bang chan aka my big cousin!!

⟢ a lighter — found it online and immediately had to get it bcs it looks so pretty, i’m not a smoker necessarily but i just like having a lighter, i’ve got a couple friends who smoke and it comes in handy, plus i can use it for candles

⟢ some actual makeup products, shock horror :

•⟢ a kiko clear gloss — i’m partial to tinted glosses but i like having the option

•⟢ tinted burt’s bees lip balm in plum — same thing here

•⟢ a bobbi brown concealer, a rare beauty highlighter and a diamond clear mascara — i unfortunately don’t wear makeup in my cr bcs i have ridiculously sensitive skin so i have no clue abt the shades or the quality of these products T^T i just know i need to have them ahshdjsjsk

⟢ a comb — i can’t go to sleep without at least brushing the ends of my hair, i don’t know, anyway i got it from india at the local markets and it’s very pretty

⟢ hair ties bcs obvs — i would have also put scrunchies or smth but knowing me, i’d probably mooch off of aining’s scrunchies (just like in this reality >.<)

in my hygienics pouch i have :

⟢ a lot of obvs necessities — kleenex, deodorant, hand sanitiser, moisturiser, bandaids, pads

⟢ vaseline — dry skin is a bitch but i vow to conquer it

⟢ eye serum — idk what i’d do without it like do y’all understand how bright and arid those stage lights are??

⟢ sun screen — this isn’t in the obvs section bcs this is specifically australian made sunscreen, spf 50+ i even use it in this reality

⟢ meds — vitamins, anti histamines, anxiety pills

in my pencil case i have :

⟢ 0.35 black ink pens — for the life of me i could not find the brand name but i have these exact pens in every reality, i worship them, they are glorious

⟢ a silver mechanical pencil — same deal, the one in this reality i’ve had since 2019 i believe? and i couldn’t find a pic of this but i also have a small pack of lead as well

⟢ erasers — snoopy/peanuts themed bcs i adore that franchise and i unfortunately buy things just bcs they’re peanuts themed..

⟢ a small love note from jungwon !! — passed to me between the hallways of an award show, right before enha left for tour, i don’t think he knows that i’ve kept it

in my wallet i have :

⟢ my cards — yes i have a black card, yes i use it whenever i can, yes i can feel the stares every time

⟢ cash and coins — coming from a regular middle class lifestyle means i never get out of the habit of keeping physical money on me, ya know, just in case

⟢ perfume scent testers/cards — idk they’re fun to keep, gives my wallet a funky yet intoxicating scent, i keep adding new ones every time i go to the perfume section, even if i don’t buy anything

⟢ a queen of spades card from a deck with indian artwork — i got it as a gift from a lumino, and it was so thoughtful bcs the queen of spades is actually linked to clarity lore, specifically my lore in our groups concept, plus, it’s an indian queen !!!

⟢ a tiny passport photo of baby me — one of those sentimental things that my parents gave me before i left to start training, i always keep it with me as a reminder; anytime i’m mean to myself or forget to ignore the negative comments i may get, i’m actually hurting that little girl right there, she doesn’t deserve that, so i don’t deserve it

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there’s a lot i didn’t add bcs it wouldn’t realistically fit, and also i’ve got my manager to carry some stuff for us — more makeup, vlogging equipment, more toiletries, etc etc .. anyway!! this took ages so i really hope this does well 🥲🤞🏽

chaai brews; tea assortments — dr archive

2025 © chaaistained

POLITE SCRUNGLY CAT SPOTTED ON VACATION

i love shifting it’s so comforting and magical and amazing and beautiful and wonderful. I think shifting is the best thing that has ever happened to me.