Exist, 2020. By Jessica Andersdotter. Click Here For More Of My Art.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: America & Canada (Hetalia), America & Russia (Hetalia), America & Denmark & Prussia (Hetalia) Characters: America - Character, Russia - Character, Prussia, Denmark, Canada - Character Additional Tags: Mentioned England, mentioned france, Mentioned Sweden - Freeform, Mentioned Finland - Freeform, Referencing Fanart, Referencing Headcanons, just chill, Not Fluff, not crack, not angst, just something I wrote for a writing class because I thought it was fun, Literally no prompt or theme, Just Chilling, this is like the asmr of fanfiction, Duck Dynasty, I don't even think Brooklyn Heights is a place, it just sounds nice and ryhmes Summary:

After a world meeting, America attempts to hang out with his friends at a bar. The only problem is that for his supposed 1,000 years of age he doesn't look like it. Makes it real hard for law-abiding bartenders to think he's not faking his ID. Oh well, guess he'll have to spend the night at home, with some not-so-surpising unexpected guests.

there are guys in my dorm who decided to play cards in the elevator

Something I’m going to Call Dad-Talks

So I realize I have very interesting conversations with my dad. So I’m gonna talk about them. They’ll range from comedy to tragedy to philosophy, but the point is socratic discussions. I love Dialogues, so I’m gonna phrase the dad talks as them, and they’ll come out in episodes. 

These swimming pools with black tiles are my aesthetic. 

atlanticpacific

Dear the Anon, not AllianKitty your amazing, but dear Anon, please let me put camels in your bookshelves. I would love to give you at least three coats of nail polish on your roof. If you would like, I would also give you for free a sun-bleach for any leather you own. In simpler terms, considering the ship of theseus, are you truly Belaphoron without the gonads of giant squids? I understand philosophey can be hard, but remember that King Henry the Eight had a tea party on a golden field. If are truly concerned for the planet Mars, please find help at Toys R’s Us. If that is unavailable, remember that theres an apple waiting for you. May the sun be blue and your nights be christmas, good afternoon, Anon. 

Warning:

The following post may not be advisable for everyone...There's Anon asshole ಠ⁠◡⁠ಠ

Froppy Hyrule wants says smt to you (⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠）

(⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

We abducted humans.

To be fair, we abducted members of every new race. Abduct a small percentage of the population, expose them to some galactic prisoners, and we get a good idea of what germs, diseases, and viruses will make the jump between races. Do this over the course of a [roughly equivalent to a century], and you get a good idea of what there is, how quickly it mutates, etc. You also have the time to develop vaccines for any races that might be affected by the new race (including itself- we’re not heartless).

But we underestimated humans.

It was [roughly equivalent to four decades] into our testing of humanity. We picked up a human from his transport and placed him in a containment cell. He had some nutrients with him, and we picked that up too: less we had to feed him later.

But we underestimated the resourcefulness of humans.

Something went wrong- we think it was a door malfunction- and he escaped the cell. He disabled the guards easily (we suspect they were less alert than they should have been) and took their weapons. We locked all hatches, hoping to seal him in the laboratory wing. Unfortunately, he hacked the shipboard computer, gaining control of all systems. He made his way to the bridge, where he took the captain hostage. We offered him riches, technologies beyond human understanding.

But we underestimated the stubbornness of humans.

He was paid us no mind as he wrestled with the controls, as if on some quest. He punched numbers and figures into the console, and mumbled something about ‘being lit on fire’ by a superior. He set the ship down on the other side of the city from where he was picked up and opened the doors. We braced ourselves for a military confrontation, but it seemed like we were outside another human’s abode. He jumped out, carrying the nutrients with him.

We underestimated Domino’s 30-minute or free guarantee.

The Gondola

Have you ever misinterpreted something and really just questioned how that your version was the misinterpretation? 

It all started when school decided, many decades ago, that children were clearly going to pay attention at 7:30 am to a lecture on the French Revolution. Luckily for my class our teacher recognized that we would not be listening unless he woke us up first. So he preceded with his tried and true method, second only to giving us donuts, and third to jumping-jacks, was by gossiping about school and just life with us. 

So we did our usual morning conversations of a few of the more extroverted kids telling us what they did on the weekend, my only friend in the class ignoring everything to draw for a mother competing she entered, and then proceeding to us pestering the teacher with personal questions. This led to the very American question- 

“Hey, you're a public school teacher with three kids, how do you mange to live in the ‘rich kids neighborhood?’”

And that is where he began the Gondola story. And in actuality his story was shorter than my introduction. He simply answered-

“My wife fell off a Gondola before we met, and she sued the ranch.” 

Now, there are many things I misinterpreted from that sentence alone, but no, it got much worse because the second he said that, the entire class(Except my lone friend who was still nose deep in her iPad) gasped and asked if she(his wife) was alright, okay, doing well, etc. Well, those are okay-ish reactions, I guess. I mean, was the water dirty? 

If you haven’t guessed by this point, when I heard the word “Gondola” I assumed we were talking about the small Italian boat. I wasn’t even hung up on how the wife was doing, I assumed a small 1 foot drop in some water was not life threatening, I mean she clearly lived, this is before she married our history teacher. I was hung up on that he said “sued” and “Ranch.” I was not aware that Gondola’s were like Ubers, or taxi’s, I thought they sort of individually did that sort fo thing. And why would there be a Gondola on a ranch? 

But those questions were immediately shunted to the bottom of the list after what came next. The most prominent follow up question was-

“How far did she fall?”

What? It is a Gondola. How far could she have possibly fallen?

“85 feet.” 

Now most of my class reacted as one would suspect, with loud gases and “oh-no’s.” But I’m not most of my class. My only thought was ‘what?’ I had moved on from her safety by this point because my only reference for how far a human has to fall to die is 630 feet because that’s the height of the St. Louis arch- and never mind I was more baffled by falling 85 feet out of a Gondola. 

I didn’t even begin to think that maybe I had misinterpreted something by that point because I was more troubled with trying to visualize a Gondola, with 85 stools on it and- no, how would that work? It’s too tall and the base is too small, it would topple over. Not to mention that the Gondola would never fit under any bridge, at all. 

How was this all cleared up, you might ask? Well another one of my classmates asked which ski ranch it was at- 

Yes, as I figured out my asking my only friend, in my neck of the woods we call Ski Lifts, specifically the fully enclosed ones, Gondolas. The wife is fine, she’s doing well with little-to no adverse health effects(She actually bounced off something during her fall, but it’s not my story to tell.) and my history teacher is still teaching. And that is how I misinterpreted Gondolas. 

Desert Brush, Joshua Tree – December 27th, 2020

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