Heh? Me?

FAIRY AU FAIRY AU FAIRY AU

emdoodles

Regulus has an angry little cat called Augustus and it fucking hates Sirius

For no reason

It will sit in the doorway and glare at him whenever he comes around

It loves everyone else but it has some really random hatred for Sirius specifically and nobody can figure out why but regulus doesn't care enough to try and resolve the issue

I am whatever gender has the shortest line at the bathroom

Rabbit sized Bunnyblade riding a hound into battle. Adversaries laughing until they learn to fear the bunny.

He is three years old and yearns for blood carrots. Philza promises both to him.

Philza gets captured and manages to send a secret distress message. Technoblade comes and beats everyone up, but doesn't kill them. Philza is still caged.

Technoblade demands more carrots before he opens Phil's cage. Phil tells him he doesn't have any on him. Technoblade leaves him there.

Luckily, with his captors wounded, Philza is able to escape on his own. He immediately sets up a "Philza Ransom Fund" which is just an additional fund that Technoblade can only access if he rescues Philza from being captured.

Technoblade starts throwing Philza at enemies in the hope he gets caught so Technoblade can get the Rescue Phil award.

Philza has to then stipulate that Techno can't have the Rescue Fund if its his damn fault Phil got captured in the first place.

Technoblade is unamused.

Losing it at all of this qdsuiqjkljkdqj that's so fucking funny.

Techno is going to have a field day trying to find some sort of loophole of a situation he can put Phil in that is subtle enough it can't be traced to him but also dire enough to make him legible for the Rescue Phil fund.

Don't stop him Phil, this is bunny enrichment!

Smaug and Bilbo girltalk be like:

“And I once caught them trying to make off with my silver spoons!”

“MAKING OFF WITH YOUR TREASURE?!

H A N G. T H E M.”

“Well that would be just awful, wouldn’t it?”

“SO TOO IS GOING WITHOUT YOUR SILVER SPOONS.”

“Because I've met them and they all have dyed hair and pronouns” -Tommy about his fans.

WE GOT CALLED OUT

Reblog to bring meat back on the menu