@hopeswhcre

@hopeswhcre

Lmao an AU of my AU.

The Force watching Obi-wan be made by some crazy person. Technically Obi-wan is an artificial child of the Force. They don't have the same connection to the Force as a true child would but its enough that the Force loves them like an adopted child. Even if their new kid cant talk to them directly, only able to sense the Feelings the Force sends them.

The Force does not like it that the crazy person decides that their new adopted child should be decommissioned as a failure.

Force decides to nudge the Jedi into going to get Obi-wan.

They watch their adopted child grow and when Obi is like 15 (still struggling with being so different from everyone else) the Force decides Obi seems lonely and they had been wanting to have another child anyway.

Anakin is born. When Anakin is 9 the Force nudges the Naboo shuttle to Tatooine. The Force drops Anakin into Qui-gon Jinns path.

Force kinda gets grumpy when the jedi try to separate their kids. When Qui-gon dies and joins the Force, he gets to hang out and watch over their kids.

The council is still on the fence about letting Anakin stay. They already had to deal with Obi-wans insane childhood of him trying to hunt people to eat them if they were too dark in the force. Did they really want to deal with potential Chosen One bullshit?

When Obi-wan tells Yoda that he's gonna train Anakin the Force shoves the message of 'listen here u little shit, you keep my babies together or so help me-' to the little green master.

Anakin who CAN talk to the Force like they're a physical person in the same room looks at Obi-wan and goes "Oh! My parent says your my big brother. They also say Master Qui-gon and them are real proud of you."

Obi-wan tries very hard not to tear up.

The council is like "your parent?"

"Yeah. They say you call them the Force... Also they say that you better be nice or they are gonna let everyone know what happened on Alderaan last year." Anakin says, making eye contact with several council members.

Mando weeb Obi-wan decides to nickname the Force Buir. Anakin likes it and adopts it.

It leads to things like

"Buir says you need to eat more." *said to Obi-wan constantly*

"Buir said to take you to the healer halls." "Buir is a snitch." *anakin to Obi-wan who's hiding an injury*

"Buir says sorry for the shatterpoints. They didn't know it would do that." "That what would do that?" "They say im not old enough to know yet. Maybe in a couple thousand years theyll tell me." "... Where is Obi-wan?" *conversation with Mace Windu*(the force did some mystical eldritch magic mushrooms once and when they sobered up shatterpoints were a thing)

"Buir wants to talk to you." "Do this, how would I?" "Uh, they said meditate really hard. They'll try yelling and see if you can hear them." "Hmm bad idea i sense this is, try it I will." *conversation with Yoda hours before yoda falls into a Force induced coma for a few days while he, the Force and Qui-gon hang out*

The jedi also have to handle a child that can sometimes alter the very fabric of the universe to get extra dessert. They mainly let Obi-wan handle it since apparently Obi is the only one able to put Anakin in timeout without the Force getting grumpy about it.

I love the idea of Palpatine being outed way early by Anakin (age 10) who now has 0 filter for what the Force is telling them since they aren't going to get in trouble by a slave master for repeating it.

"Buir says you're a sleemo. It's not nice to pressure someone into giving you contact with a child." Anakin says in the middle of a gathering of senators. The Force had been ranting about Sheev being mean to Obi-wan for hours now.

"Anakin!" Obi-wan pretends to scold even tho he really didn't want to be here or let the Chancellor near his brother. Buir had been sending the very bad vibes.

"Well I hardly think an innocent invite to a small thank you party is pressuring." Sheev says trying to stop the side-eyes the senators are now giving him.

Anakin (who is now saying word for word what the Force is saying): "Calling someone every day for weeks and implying you'd cut funding to the temple if he didn't let you have access to me isn't an innocent invitation. Especially since you also implied you wanted more private meetings after."

Obi-wan sees the look of absolute rage on Sheevs face and decides it's time to go. He grabs his padwan and runs. Ignoring the instincts demanding he go back and EAT the Chancellor of the Republic.

The next day headlines all over the holonet are like 'Chancellor Palpatine on the run from authorities after being accused of trying to groom child'

Anakin to the council: "Buir says hes a Sith, so your welcome."

Obi-wan also in the council chamber: "Oh! So THATS why i had the strong urge to eat him."

The council sits in horrified silence for a while. Until Yoda sighs and says he'll be taking another vacation to talk to the force.

Sidious still tries for the Clone Wars. Only the Force is like not about that. They like how things are chill right now. Their kids are having fun doing Jedi things.

They have Obi-wan and Anakin find Kamino 3 years early. Both Anakin and Obi-wan kick Jango and the other trainers off planet. These clones are their family now. Looks like the jedi are getting a lot of new members. Just gotta get these chips out first.

The war still breaks out. Palpatine is head of the Separatists. Angry that his clone army was stolen he commissioned droids to replace them. His plan now is to crush the republic and jedi with brute force instead of a carefully executed betrayal, not hiding that he's a sith at this point.

Ahsoka is not the Forces child. At first. The council gives this feral child to Anakin to take care of and train praying that they will both mellow out. Shes perfect. Shes the same brand of disaster that the rest of them are. The force is constantly nagging at Anakin to give her sweets and wrap her in soft blankets and teach her how to stab better. Anakin learns very quickly that a feral Togruta with a laser sword hopped up on sugar isn't a great idea. That maybe listening to the eldritch being with no physical body for the sugar high togruta to latch onto with their teeth isn't the best plan for raising a child. How did Obi-wan manage this?

Obi-wan, having flashbacks to his padwan changing shape into a horrible nightmare fueled beast in the dead of night before crawling into Obi-wans bed or lighting a man on fire with his mind for flirting with Obi-wan too long or the time he simply tore a hole in reality to get another slice of cake, laughs and laughs and laughs. Cody pats him on the back. Clearly his adopted jetii'vod is having a breakdown.