Don’t Care If He’s Guilty, Don’t Care If He’s Not He’s Good And He’s Bad And He’s All That

i’m trying to get over my måneskin obsession and this doesnt help!!

Måneskin’s Victoria De Angelis and Damiano or Marlene and Sirius¿ you choose ig

request by anon: sophie skelton as lily evans

“One of the brightest I ever taught. Vivacious, you know. Charming girl.”

The Darkness wept || 𝓢𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓾𝓼 𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴

Summary: Sirius spends the Christmas break at Grimmauld Place 12 and he has to learn that the lives of the ones he loves are in danger.

Warnings: hints of homophobia, physical abuse & slurs

A/N: It’s a little bit angsty, but i hope you enjoy it! Feedback is always welcome btw.

Sirius walks over to the window and reflects on his cold surroundings. He has always hated Grimmauld Place 12 with its damaged, suffocating darkness. It’s a place that encourages his tendency to feel sad and all what is waiting for him now, is the torture of the holidays. What was the point of keeping his promise to his father to stay over Christmas anyway? Sirius would have never agreed to this, but his father always leaves a terrifying impression on him. His face is filled with fury, the desire to be with James and the rest of his friends growing. He can remember them clearly. Their voices and faces never leaving his head. Suddenly, his line of thoughts are interrupted, when his mother, Walburga Black appears in the dark doorway, dressed in a beaded black evening gown. "I see you’re back," she says, in a tight-fisted tone. Sirius represses the desire to laugh. "Unfortunately," he answers.

"Don’t your so-called friends want you anymore?" A tiny, satisfied grin marks her face. "You know nothing about me or any of my friends," he shots back.

Her eyes stay fixed on him. "You haven't heard it yet, have you? I haven't told Regulus either, but i wanted to let you know first." Sirius' mouth is set in a thin line, his expression grim. "There were deadly attacks on mudbloods and half-breeds, which seem to be increasing at every minute," she says, almost satisfied, as she eyes him curiously. Sirius balls his hands into fists. "What the hell are you talking about?" He feels sick to his stomach, feeling like he might throw up. "It’s true," she declares viciously. He never felt more hate towards her than in this moment. If he could, he would wipe that condescending look off her face. "Mudbloods and bloodtraitors, filth and stains of dishonor. It had long been necessary." His head is pounding. It couldn’t be true. Remus and Lily. Whatever it takes, he would make sure, they’re safe from any hurt, harm or danger. He knows that this world is not safe for Remus. Twice he put his life in danger, to protect him and he’ll not hesitate, when the deatheaters will go to find him. He can’t afford to lose him. Sirius narrows his eyes at Walburga, but says nothing. He can feel her tense up in front of him.

"You won’t be seeing that half-breed werewolf anymore. What’s his name? Remus?"

Sirius freezes, his breathing shallow. Slowly, he turns to face his mother. "How do you know about that?" he asks harshly. Walburga looks carelessly at her nails before answering. "Regulus was always more observant and clever than you ever gave him credit for." To hell with them all, Sirius thinks. His brother and his stupid views. He adopted them so quickly. What a bunch of crap they all are. "You either stop seeing that filthy boy or he’s as good as dead." Sirius looks her right in the eyes, giving her that stare. The Black men always had a stare that made you either love then or fear them. "You wouldn’t dare," he says.

"Oh, i would," she spats. "Deep down, you've always been like the rest of us."

"I’m nothing like you. I’m what you made me!" he blares out. "If anything happens to Remus, i’ll destroy everything in this house and then myself." Sirius feels ice flood in his veins. She stares at him, wide-eyed. "Don’t tell me, you really care that much for that filth of a boy?” His fists ball at his sides, nails pressing into his palms. "He’s my friend and i love h-" he blurts out, voice trembling a little. Sirius regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.

"Love him!" she erupts in laughter. "Absolutely horrendous. There’s no such thing as love!" she declares in pure disgust.

His mother is furious, her rage filling the room and instinctively, Sirius takes a few steps backwards. "Pathetic," she bellows. "You brought shame on this family. Tell me... is he your boyfriend?" He’s trembling, a familiar feeling rising up inside of him, something burning in his throat.

"We’re just friends - "

Walburga clenches her jaw. The room is silent. She takes a few steps forward and fists his collar. He tries to pull away, but she doesn’t let go. "If you ever go near that boy again, if you try to talk to him, i’m going to tear you apart." Sirius goes pale, shaking. "You know i can’t do that." He’s incredulous that she’s actually threatening him. That she’s trying to break him and Remus apart. She doesn’t threaten him very often anymore, but she always has a knack for it.

Her dark and possessive eyes are fixed on him. Sirius breathes hard, chest heavy. He hated his mother all his life, the things she has put him through are unthinkable, but the unreasonable part of him still loves her, seeks her approval. She laughs, confident he won't do a damn thing. Digging her nails into his collar, she throws him up against the wall. Everything feels numb. Sirius can feel his eyes burning and his hands fly up to his head. He bites his lip to stifle a scream, as a shooting pain strikes his head.

"Sirius, don't be stupid" she says in a flat voice. "You should have known, that i’m only her to warn you."

"I hate you so much" he spits out.

"Your brother told me about the things you have going on with that boy. You’re gonna leave him alone. I don’t want any mudblood close to you." He chuckles, loudly. "No, i’m not." His mother looks him in the eye, "I wasn't asking, Sirius."

"I'm not gonna leave him alone, that's final."

"Clearly you are having trouble understanding me. You are not to speak or be with him ever again. If i know you’ve been in contact with him, or anyone else of your so-called friends, i’ll take care of it and they’ll all be dead, you ungrateful brat."

He never felt so weak and powerless before. And the whole time, his mind keeps wandering back to Remus. "Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out, now!" she yells. Grabbing his arms, pulling him harshly and watching him struggle to get up. Sirius’ ears are ringing. "Mother." He suddenly hears the all too familiar voice of his brother. "Let him go, you'll hurt him." Regulus attempts to pull him away, but Sirius shoves him away. "Don’t you dare touch me", he growls. There are tears forming in his eyes, desperately holding back the urge to cry, as he stumbles away. Looking at his mother with terror in his eyes, he leaves the room and slams the door.

Nothing in the world could calm Sirius's nerves tonight.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

10th March 1977

Dear Remus,

I’m reduced to a thing that only wants you. I've never told you, but it doesn’t make it any less real. I’m in love with you. I’ve been for three years. I hate myself for it, but i’m so in love. Stupid, unbearable love.

I tried to make it go away,

I tried to run from it,

I tried to fight it,

but you always found your

way back to me again.

Please forgive me. I never wanted to lose you. I’ve always held our friendship dear, but i couldn’t fight my feelings any longer. That’s why i’m composing this letter to you, in these sleepless hours of the night. My heart feels heavy, i’m so scared. The gravity of my love for you drowns me in a precipice of ecstasy, dreaming of you. I miss you, in a simple desperate human way.

I hope you won’t hate me. I couldn’t bear it. I’m scared to look you in the eyes again. Maybe you could not tell my feelings, but it's only because i was worried and frightened.

All my love forever,

Sirius.

I got myself a copy of The Secret History bc i only read the eBook once, thought the story was really captivating and i loved it so much.

I’ve also been a Henry Winter apologist since i read it. He could push me off a ravine and i would be fine with it.

More wolfstar because I’m rereading the war chapters at the moment and need the serotonin

remus lupin fucking loved dead poets society. he was obsessed. he loved watching it. he even bought the book and devoured it in an hour and a half. he loved it.

he cried over it, alone, for almost two weeks. something would remind him of it or he would think of neil and todd and he would have to excuse himself, tears welling.

sirius was the one who figured out something was wrong. he demanded to know who exactly was hurting remus so badly that he was arriving to breakfast with tear stained cheeks. he was so noble as he half yelled his demand at remus, who looked so broken over something unbeknownst to sirius.

so remus told him. he said it was silly and ridiculous but he was hung up on this film. and this book. and these fictional characters. he didn’t say that he saw neil and todd in the same way he saw him and sirius. he didn’t say he was letting his mind wander to places where he lost sirius like todd lost neil. he didn’t say any of that. he said he was silly for being hung up and he’d be over it by next week.

but sirius demanded to watch it with him. he suggested they watch it when everyone else went to hogsmeade. he claimed it would be more fun to see a film that was that important to remus in this way.

so they sat together and watched it. and sirius laughed at parts and made comments about how similar their little group was to the poets. and he smiled along with neil and todd as they laughed in their dorm.

by the time the movie ended, they were both crying. remus was embarrassed by his blubbering but his thoughts were cut short by sirius landing his hand on his thigh. “you can never leave me like that.”

and they both stared at each other. they were both thinking the same thing, eyes locked. they understood one another. they understood todd and neils relationship because it was just like their relationship. a relationship full of love.

they shared their first kiss that day. and then they sat on the couch in the common room, wrapped up in each other, reading the copy of the book which remus had bought. and they held each other, as if one of them would slip away. they could never let each other go.

Wolfstar kisses are good for the soul

Remus: *writes a bad review of a book*

Remus: *shakily raises tea to lips*

WALBURGA and SIRIUS

After one of their fights, she used crucio on him and he broke apart because he couldn’t handle the violence anymore. He packed his stuff, left and went to live with James Potter and his parents.