This, This Is Beautiful.

This, this is beautiful.

The Lexicon

Since @littlewestern and I are partners in trainrot in general and in authorship in particular, we have developed a lexicon of terms to encompass concepts that occur frequently in Thomas the Tank Engine so's to make discussion of those things quicker. Thought it'd be fun to show you some of them.

Sodor Karma

Everyone probably uses this one or something like it. On Sodor, if you talk shit, you get hit within six business hours and then literally everyone you know will hear about it, if they didn't see it firsthand. And they will never forget it happened either. They'll bring it back up at every opportunity.

Killed Summarily

The kind of hypothetical accidents that never seem to happen on Sodor, where one or both parties would be absolutely demolished beyond repair. Originally arose from the idea that they coulda added Henry to the clusterfuck in "Duck in the Water" since he's green too, except that he would have absolutely killed all of the rest of them going at missed signal speed. Summarily. "Thankfully, no one was hurt" prevents these kinds of accidents.

9/11 Flight Path

Speaking of Henry, when an engine is on an unavoidable collision course with disaster we call it the 9/11 Flight Path, owing to this diagram in Thomas the Tank Engine Owners' Workshop Manual that looks like every 9/11 diagram complete with crash burst graphic.

It's Fkn Cocoa Time

But we're not concerned with the engine on his 9/11 Flight Path to kill us summarily because it's fkn cocoa time.

When you've eaten shit or are about to, you can count on a driver, a fireman, and maybe a guard somewhere to be enjoying hot cocoa, completely unbothered with your plight.

Fucking Cunt Dork

"Engines don't go fishing! Fucking cunt dork."

This is from the Carlin Comp, in a clip edited from Thomas Goes Fishing. When an engine starts getting all obsessive and distracted over some shit what engines ought not be caring about (fishing, winning medals, rainbows, statues of oneself, seeing golden eagles, wearing costumes, chasing shooting stars, finding pirate treasure (twice), being a hero, finding The Man in the Hills, getting one's picture taken, etc), he's become a fucking cunt dork.

While in practice, we do use this pretty loosely for anytime an engine becomes obsessive to the point of not being Useful, strictly speaking, being a fucking cunt dork is specifically for when the subject of that obsession is something engines shouldn't be concerned with. For example, Duck is not being a fucking cunt dork about the Great Western Way, but he was a fucking cunt dork about the regatta.

Cotton Candy Economy

Facetious term for the apparent shift in Sodor's economy from agricultural/fishing exports to tourism. We actually find this idea fascinating, that Sodor started out struggling to even get a railway running to becoming the steam engine mecca of the world such that its economy depends on this mismatched fleet of engines. Nonetheless, this change is marked by an increase in festivals, fun fairs, carnivals, magic shows, circuses, toy factories, and ice cream deliveries.

Holiday Friends

When engines are bein' extra friendly with each other in a way entirely too saccharine for the NWR. Maybe in a way bordering on festive. When you're friendsing with your friends in the cotton candy economy.

OK, holiday friend.

Dignance Meeting

The opposite of an indignation meeting. Shit's goin' good and we're meeting to discuss it.

Unincorporated Sodor

Misty Island, where they keep all the titty bars and laundromats.

Cosa Nostra

Oliver's obviously willing to break the rules if his survival depends on it. While he's known around the railway for having ripped that mouthy car in half, it was actually Toad who thought the plan up. Even Duck's prepared to crush you under his wheels if you fuck with his passengers.

"There's only two ways to do this: the Great Western Way or the wrong way" is not advice. It's a warning. Cosa nostra.

More Regulator

Let's not leave Donald and Douglas out of the Little Western mafia though. This YouTube comment on TheUnluckyTug's Sodor's Finest video on Duck been living on in our vernacular ever since we laid eyes on it.

"But the Little Western is the kind of ride-or-die energy that you only get by taking four of probably the biggest shit-stirrers on the entire island, cramming them into a branch line together, and then rather than killing each other they save one another's lives. Oliver, Duck, Donald, and Douglas can and will dunk on each other given the opportunity, but if you even LOOK like you're going to fuck around with them and theirs, I've got a couple piles of old firewood that will tell you to decide otherwise. And that's even before you get into their crews, who all have balls of steel so heavy the engines probably need to be fitted for trailing wheels. Grand theft, forgery, and the kind of dick energy that looks at a line of freight cars going 75 miles an hour down a hill and says "I can do that" or hears the guard say "the van's breaking up!" and decides "good, more regulator."

Eat Shit Bridge

If you go over this bridge, you will eat shit.

Dumbass Saddletank Humor

Originated with an early Duck theory of mine: "So if you're some dumbass saddle tank engine who doesn't know shit about fuck and you see this boxy motherfucker with his tanks hoisted up on his boiler like he just got a new bra, you maybe assume that the weight distribution of his water is going to slosh around and make him prone to swaying. Waddling maybe."

and became a catch all for low-grade train amusement.

For example, Ray was making a Duck playlist on Spotify...

DJ: I guffawing at Montell Jordan - This is How We Do It DJ: You don't gotta add it, but I'm cacklin' Ray: lmaoooo Ray: It's not really thematic but… DJ: 'Cause I mean Ray: I do love it DJ: It's a song about how proud he is of where he comes from! DJ: And how they do it there! Ray: I was going to have Rubber Duckie be the joke bonus track but that one's way funnier. DJ: Ever since he was a lowercase G! Ray: god DJ: This is dumbass saddle tank humor. Ray: It is but what do you expect? Ray: We are dumbass saddle tank engines.

11:75 A.M.

From this excerpt from my solo trainfic:

Thomas pulled into the station. Sir Topham Hatt stood on the platform and pointed at his watch crossly.

"When you think about it Sir," said Thomas, "12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M."

Sir Topham Hatt felt exhausted.

11:75 is when trains arrive when they're late.

Ding Ding, Motherfucker

RWS Toby energy. Particularly with regard to those fleeting and scant moments in the CGI era where he gently brushes the cheek of gettin' his spicy old man energy back.

"What does he know?"

Originated for use about Tug and his since reformed Duck disappreciatin' ways. Now we usually use it in reference to Rev. Awdry whenever we decide to make a decision that contradicts his word on the matter.

Mostly this attitude stems from that infamous interview where he complains about "Henry's Forest", saying "What does an engine care for scenery?" As if he did not write a story in which Thomas was being a fucking cunt dork about fishing. Or another in which Percy was being a fucking cunt dork about scarves. You set the precedent, my man! Too, Henry caring about trees, I would argue, is not fucking cunt dorkery since one of the few ways in which engines have to interact with their world besides tracing 9/11 flight paths into it is looking at it.

Also that he was getting so uppity about the sanctity of his stories compared to the new ones that were being written for the show, as if he didn't only take actual trainecdotes and put his characters over top of them. Not discounting the skill involved in turning a train accident into a narrative, but he was not exactly coming up with scenarios on his own. That's why there's only one Culdee Fell book. The Snowdon Railway hasn't had enough incidents for any more.

Anyway, point is, sometimes we disregard whatever additional info he gave in The Island of Sodor: Its People, History and Railways because he was very strictly 1-to-1 about it and did not consider anything beyond whether thems the facts, ma'am. But it's a better story if there's only one Truck instead of the two the Snowdon Railway has or if Godred languishes in the Shed for a few years rather than being scrapped immediately.

After all, what does he know? He only wrote the books.

The Big Book of People, Places, and Things

The Island of Sodor: Its People, History and Railways

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This list is not exhaustive, obviously, and I invite you to add to it with your own shorthand expressions.