More Cuddles?

Awhile ago @ouidamforeman made this post:

This shot through my brain like a chain of firecrackers, so, without derailing the original post, I have some THOUGHTS to add about why this concept is not only hilarious (because it is), but also...

It. It kind of fucks. Severely.

And in a delightfully Pratchett-y way, I'd dare to suggest.

I'll explain:

As inferred above, both Crowley AND Aziraphale have canonical Biblical counterparts. Not by name, no, but by function.

Crowley, of course, is the serpent of Eden.

(note on the serpent of Eden: In Genesis 3:1-15, at least, the serpent is not identified as anything other than a serpent, albeit one that can talk. Later, it will be variously interpreted as a traitorous agent of Hell, as a demon, as a guise of Satan himself, etc. In Good Omens --as a slinky ginger who walks funny)

Lesser known, at least so far as I can tell, is the flaming sword. It, too, appears in Genesis 3, in the very last line:

"So he drove out the man; and placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life." --Genesis 3:24, KJV

Thanks to translation ambiguity, there is some debate concerning the nature of the flaming sword --is it a divine weapon given unto one of the Cherubim (if so, why only one)? Or is it an independent entity, which takes the form of a sword (as other angelic beings take the form of wheels and such)? For our purposes, I don't think the distinction matters. The guard at the gate of Eden, whether an angel wielding the sword or an angel who IS the sword, is Aziraphale.

(note on the flaming sword: in some traditions --Eastern Orthodox, for example-- it is held that upon Christ's death and resurrection, the flaming sword gave up it's post and vanished from Eden for good. By these sensibilities, the removal of the sword signifies the redemption and salvation of man.

...Put a pin in that. We're coming back to it.)

So, we have our pair. The Serpent and the Sword, introduced at the beginning and the end (ha) of the very same chapter of Genesis.

But here's the important bit, the bit that's not immediately obvious, the bit that nonetheless encapsulates one of the central themes, if not THE central theme, of Good Omens:

The Sword was never intended to guard Eden while Adam and Eve were still in it.

Do you understand?

The Sword's function was never to protect them. It doesn't even appear until after they've already fallen. No... it was to usher Adam and Eve from the garden, and then keep them out. It was a threat. It was a punishment.

The flaming sword was given to be used against them.

So. Again. We have our pair. The Serpent and the Sword: the inception and the consequence of original sin, personified. They are the one-two punch that launches mankind from paradise, after Hell lures it to destruction and Heaven condemns it for being destroyed. Which is to say that despite being, supposedly, hereditary enemies on two different sides of a celestial cold war, they are actually unified by one purpose, one pivotal role to play in the Divine Plan: completely fucking humanity over.

That's how it's supposed to go. It is written.

...But, in Good Omens, they're not just the Serpent and the Sword.

They're Crowley and Aziraphale.

(author begins to go insane from emotion under the cut)

In Good Omens, humanity is handed it's salvation (pin!) scarcely half an hour after losing it. Instead of looming over God's empty garden, the sword protects a very sad, very scared and very pregnant girl. And no, not because a blameless martyr suffered and died for the privilege, either.

It was just that she'd had such a bad day. And there were vicious animals out there. And Aziraphale worried she would be cold.

...I need to impress upon you how much this is NOT just a matter of being careless with company property. With this one act of kindness, Aziraphale is undermining the whole entire POINT of the expulsion from Eden. God Herself confronts him about it, and he lies. To God.

And the Serpent--

(Crowley, that is, who wonders what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil anyway; who thinks that maybe he did a GOOD thing when he tempted Eve with the apple; who objects that God is over-reacting to a first offense; who knows what it is to fall but not what it is to be comforted after the fact...)

--just goes ahead and falls in love with him about it.

As for Crowley --I barely need to explain him, right? People have been making the 'didn't the serpent actually do us a solid?' argument for centuries. But if I'm going to quote one of them, it may as well be the one Neil Gaiman wrote ficlet about:

"If the account given in Genesis is really true, ought we not, after all, to thank this serpent? He was the first schoolmaster, the first advocate of learning, the first enemy of ignorance, the first to whisper in human ears the sacred word liberty, the creator of ambition, the author of modesty, of inquiry, of doubt, of investigation, of progress and of civilization." --Robert G. Ingersoll

The first to ask questions.

Even beyond flattering literary interpretation, we know that Crowley is, so often, discreetly running damage control on the machinations of Heaven and Hell. When he can get away with it. Occasionally, when he can't (1827).

And Aziraphale loves him for it, too. Loves him back.

And so this romance plays out over millennia, where they fall in love with each other but also the world, because of each other and because of the world. But it begins in Eden. Where, instead of acting as the first Earthly example of Divine/Diabolical collusion and callousness--

(other examples --the flood; the bet with Satan; the back channels; the exchange of Holy Water and Hellfire; and on and on...)

--they refuse. Without even necessarily knowing they're doing it, they just refuse. Refuse to trivialize human life, and refuse to hate each other.

To write a story about the Serpent and the Sword falling in love is to write a story about transgression.

Not just in the sense that they are a demon and an angel, and it's ~forbidden. That's part of it, yeah, but the greater part of it is that they are THIS demon and angel, in particular. From The Real Bible's Book of Genesis, in the chapter where man falls.

It's the sort of thing you write and laugh. And then you look at it. And you think. And then you frown, and you sit up a little straighter. And you think.

And then you keep writing.

And what emerges hits you like a goddamn truck.

(...A lot of Pratchett reads that way. I believe Gaiman when he says Pratchett would have been happy with the romance, by the way. I really really do).

It's a story about transgression, about love as transgression. They break the rules by loving each other, by loving creation, and by rejecting the hatred and hypocrisy that would have triangulated them as a unified blow against humanity, before humanity had even really got started. And yeah, hell, it's a queer romance too, just to really drive the point home (oh, that!!! THAT!!!)

...I could spend a long time wildly gesturing at this and never be satisfied. Instead of watching me do that (I'll spare you), please look at this gif:

I love this shot so much.

Look at Eve and Crowley moving, at the same time in the same direction, towards their respective wielders of the flaming sword. Adam reaches out and takes her hand; Aziraphale reaches out and covers him with a wing.

You know what a shot like that establishes? Likeness. Commonality. Kinship.

"Our side" was never just Crowley and Aziraphale. Crowley says as much at the end of season 1 ("--all of us against all of them."). From the beginning, "our side" was Crowley, Aziraphale, and every single human being. Lately that's around 8 billion, but once upon a time it was just two other people. Another couple. The primeval mother and father.

But Adam and Eve die, eventually. Humanity grows without them. It's Crowley and Aziraphale who remain, and who protect it. Who...oversee it's upbringing.

Godfathers. Sort of.

Ranboo-hoo D:

It was in the Camarvan that Wilbur had held Fundy in his arms for the first time and whispered promises to the new-born, tear tracks fresh on his face.

It was in the Camarvan that Tommy had looked at him, with wide eyes and mouth agape, finally sinking in that this was Wilbur's son.

It was in the Camarvan that Tubbo learned how to tie diapers, until it had become ingrained in his brain. Tubbo would forget about it until later, when another child walked into his life.

It was here that Eret would ruffle his hair, talking fondly to him even when Fundy was sure he had done everything wrong.

It was in the Camarvan that Lmanberg and Fundy's childhood had started, and though Fundy's childhood had been mere months, it was with the Camarvan's destruction, that Fundy's childhood ended

*Me, trying to have a serious conversation

My brain : RESSE'S PUFFS, RESSE'S PUFF, EAT EM UP, EAT EM UP, EAT EM UP, EAT EM UP-

"tommy? you're doing great. you're doing great, king, just keep it up"

"thank you"

Wilbur made another Reddit post about Ghostbur. No exclamation point today

Hey guys! Got some good news!

Ghostbur isn’t dead. Ghostbur is suspended. He’s never had a ‘living’ body and never will but to say he is dead is a misrepresentation.

Ghostbur is as close to a torturous limbo as he can possibly get. He has been in the afterlife for almost 6000 days! (That’s 16 years) and it never seems to get easier.

Not only is he confined to a life of loneliness and silent darkness but every ache, every pain, every little sting he feels on his body never seems to subside. He hurt his fingers scratching a wall over a decade ago but they still feel raw as if it was yesterday.

But that’s not pertinent to his current situation. That’s the last injury Ghostbur was afflicted with. He has spent the past years sat, limply leaning against the damp wall. Even if he was to retain any injury he contracted it wouldn’t matter.

He hasn’t moved in years.

He hasn’t checked the dot matrix out of fear. The room lights up whenever it updates and Ghostbur scrunches his eyes up as tight as he can until the light fades a few hours later.

This also helps dam the tears from burning his cheeks as he himself is damned to this plane.

He has spent 5 months on the material plane. He has spent 16 years in limbo.

A new addition to Ghostbur’s horrific existence is the slow burning of his memory. As time elapses he seems to lose track of his good memories as well as the bad ones he forgot long ago. Only a few remain;

He remembers the smell of baked bread.

He remembers sparring with technoblade as a child.

He remembers the crowds and the loud cheers.

He remembers a guillotine.

He remembers a cold eternal icy wasteland.

He remembers Tommy’s kindness.

One thing remains true. Ghostbur is the remnant of a plighted man who was sentenced to death for his evil. Ghostbur’s situation is a result of that man’s return.

Ghostbur feels guilty. Ghostbur misses everyone.

Goodbye

missing him again

Oh my god

When I say "defending jason online isn't enough, I need a gun" I'm SO fr i literally left the percy Jackson subreddit community on reddit because I see like atleast 5 comments/posts of people going "jason is so worthless and deserved to die, look! Percy is so much better" atleast 3x times a week.

Don't y'all get fucking bored for posting the same stale ahh shit to get upvotes lmao. The goal is to get internet validation from strangers, and the only way to do that is use Jason (aka one of the most hated characters in pjo) as the punching bag

So I was reading Tommyinnit's clinic for supervillains and accidently saw some very angsty siren art and started crying, but then I actually read it and Wilbur get's revived and the first thing I think is

"I went through the five stages of grief for no reason?