They Would 100% Be Besties

fool's gold

part 2, with part 1 included :)

--

“It cannot be stressed enough how dangerous this news is.”

General Madine leveled a flat glare towards the Rebels, who were nodding thoughtfully. Luke wanted to scream. “It appears we as the Alliance have a new enemy—an unknown enemy, one who has yet to strike, but one who will clearly be formidable. After all, look at his father.”

Yeah, huh, what must that be like? Having Vader as a father? Of all the—

“It is our understanding that not even the Empire knows the identity of Vader’s child. Whoever they are, they’ve been kept well under wraps. Obviously, if their identity were to be revealed, they would be in extreme danger. It’s no wonder Vader hasn’t advertised their existence. Being his offspring would come with a myriad of built-in enemies.”

Great. Oh, great. It didn’t help that Leia had murmured agreement to that. Little did the Alliance know that Vader’s enemies were so numerous they technically included his son. Not that Luke was about to share that little fact with the group. He raised his eyes to the ceiling.

“The media is also champing at the bit to find out more. No one knows anything. No one knows the age of the being, no one knows the species—much like with Vader himself, even the most basic of details are a mystery.”

A mystery even to the child himself, Luke thought miserably. He didn’t know anything about his father either. Well, besides the fact that he was (1) tall, (2) dark, and (3) evil, and, oh, that’s right, he’d been Anakin Skywalker once upon a time. Somehow, Luke got the feeling that information wouldn’t smooth over any ruffled feathers.

Why didn’t you tell me, Ben, he thought unhappily for not the first, second, or even thirtieth time. He felt as if he had been led blindfolded, not with a knife to a blaster fight, but with nothing to a, a nuclear event. The information had definitely dropped with the subtlety of a nuclear bomb.

Wedge spoke. “Are we planning to devote any resources to finding them, whoever they are? Or are we just going to wait to see if they make an appearance?” Unsettled murmuring rose in response at the thought of a Vader 2.0 waiting in the shadows. Luke tartly thought that, much like the man himself, the Alliance was going to be disappointed. The last time Luke had pulled out his lightsaber in a fight, he had lost a hand. Catch him repeating that experience again anytime soon. That, and, uh, Luke had all the trained finesse of a wobbling baby bantha foal. He exhaled gloomily.

General Madine sighed. “It’s hard to say at this point. If Vader has trained his child—if that child has Vader’s powers—I don’t have to state that they are an extreme danger to the Alliance and its mission. Vader himself is enough of an enemy for us, let alone Vader doubled.”

Vader doubled—Luke’s mouth dropped open in offense (and a little bit of humiliation at how far Madine has missed the mark as to the threat level), but he clamped it shut before anyone noticed. A moment too late because Leia shot him a funny look. Luke tried to smile at her to cover it but knew from her expression of unimpressed all over that he had probably just looked constipated.

“We’ll keep everyone updated on our strategy,” Madine finished. “High Council is still discussing how we want to approach it.”

“Well, I think the best defense is a good offense,” Wedge muttered, lowering himself back into his seat.

“I’m on the same page,” Madine nodded. “I suspect that’s where the Alliance will land.”

Luke decided he didn’t like the direction the conversation was heading. “I mean, is it really necessary? Vader’s,” barely catching himself before he said son and blew everything to hell, “child hasn’t done anything yet. What if they aren’t a threat?”

They aren’t, he added silently in his head. Not only because Luke’s politics and sense of morals were about as far away as his father’s as possible—forget opposite end of the spectrum, between Luke’s Vader’s lay the entire spectrum, if you asked Luke—but also because…well…Luke didn’t know anything. Baby bantha foal, indeed. Vader could squash him like a bug. Leia could squash him like a bug. Although the thought was unpleasant, embarrassing, and a whole other pile of disagreeable words, Luke presented no threat to the Alliance.

“Luke,” Leia’s voice was patient, which meant that Luke had just said something she considered idiotic but that she wasn’t going to hold it against him. “It’s Vader. Any child of his would almost certainly be a powerful Force sensitive.”

“Yeah, kid,” Han languidly stretched out his feet, having leaned back in his chair during the entire conversation with his characteristic idleness. “I’m with her Worshipfulness on this one. I ain’t eager to sit back and let some nightmare creature of the dark sneak up on us.”

Nightmare creature of the!!—Luke knew he had zero right to be so offended at the entire conversation but also thought sulkily that anyone would be a little insulted. Well, except Vader, probably. Which made Luke wonder for a split second how Vader felt about his general image as a whole, but then he shook off the thought. Anyone who still cared about how they lived at all wouldn’t do what Vader did on a normal weekday.

After a beat, Luke just shrugged in surrender, letting the conversation wind on without speaking again. The Alliance would piddle away resources (Luke had tried to stop them, he really had), and Luke already knew they wouldn’t find anything worth noting. In the meantime, he’d try to live in peace. As much peace as someone being intently hunted by both sides of the war could.

--

“I bet he eats infant limbs for breakfast.”

“Hey, it could be a girl too.”

“I bet she paints her face in blood then.”

“I bet they suck the blood of their victims.”

“Hey, that’s vampires,” Luke objected halfheartedly, speaking for the first time since the Rogues’ conversation had begun. Lunchtimes weren’t as fun lately, not since the news of Vader’s child had swept through the base. Not that anything was much fun after Bespin, but if Luke had learned anything from missions with Han, it was that things could always get worse.

“Yeah, but for all we know, Vader could be a vampire.” The pilot’s mouth was flecked with sauce as he continued. “Mebbe that’s why he wears the suit. Can’t be in the sun.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Luke said flatly, but everyone else was nodding thoughtfully.

“Whoever it is, I don’t envy them,” Wedge commented. “Vader is hardly going to win parent of the year awards.”

It was the first sympathetic comment Luke had heard, and it nearly made him tear up. Finally—

“Not that it matters in the end. The jarra fruit never falls far from the tree,” Wedge took another bite of his sandwich decidedly. “You know, Luke,” he mused, “They probably are aware of your existence, given how Vader has hunted you down.”

Luke stiffened—the remark toed too close to uncomfortable truths, but no one blinked an eye or wandered after the thought to its logical conclusion.

“Yeah, it’s a good thing the Rebellion is searching for them. Vader’s child could be after you too, for all you know,” Tycho remarked. “They might view you as an enemy, same as Vader.”

This—this was ridiculous. “I think I’m good,” Luke said weakly.

“If you say so,” Tycho shrugged. “But given your status as the pilot who destroyed the Death Star and Jedi trainee, whatever you call ‘em, I’d watch my back if I were you.”

Oh, Luke was, but for entirely different reasons than Tycho was thinking.

“Don’t worry, Luke,” Wedge said kindly. “You have us to watch your back. You aren’t going it alone. Vader’s child won’t hurt you, not if we have anything to say about it.”

Luke didn’t know what to say other than thanks.  

Their lunch was interrupted by a summons to a briefing room.

“Gentleman,” Madine greeted, Leia standing beside him. “We’d like to update you on where our search stands. We’ve compiled a list of potential identities for Vader’s child.” A holoprojector flickered to life in the front of the room. “First, we have…”

What followed was an indescribable mix of assassins, warmongers, Imperial hands (Luke noted the red haired one), and various other slightly to very murderous galactic citizens. By the end of it, Luke was simultaneously relieved and insulted. Relieved because the Alliance was nowhere closer to guessing his secret, and insulted because—

Luke blinked. Shifted uncomfortably. Wondered if perhaps he wasn’t getting enough sleep. That had to be it; there was no other explanation for the mysterious disappointment that—

“Luke, are you coming?”

“Yes,” Luke said quickly, leaping up to follow Leia and leave the room and any awkward realizations behind him. This would die down soon enough once the Alliance failed to find anything.

--

Or so he thought, until a month later, when Leia came marching up. “I have news.”

“Oh?” Luke said distractedly, eyeing the fencepost he and Han had been trying to hit with rocks for the past hour. Han had soundly been kicking Luke’s ass. Luke sighed. Destined to suck even at throwing pebbles.

“It’s about Vader’s son.”

That got Luke’s attention instantly. His head snapped towards Leia, who was gazing down at her datapad. Han, for once, leaned forward with interest instead of lazily reclining.

Son? They had already found out it was a son?

“We also weren’t expecting to have so much luck so soon,” Leia responded, Luke realizing he had accidentally blurted his thoughts out loud in a panic.

He rocked back on his feet with a tentative, “That’s good.”  Or not. It was in fact, bad. Very, very bad. But nothing else about Luke’s life was going well for him at the moment, so he just wearily accepted that this was going less than amazingly too.  

“So, what did you actually find?” Han interrupted impatiently. “The kid and I were busy.”

Leia shot him a scorching look, then briskly pulled up something on her datapad. “Our spies in the Empire have informed us that based on communications between Vader and the Emperor, Vader’s child is a boy. Vader frequently refers to him as one.”

Oh, that was all. Luke could have told them that. After all, Luke actually---

Luke shoved down the thought before it took off. He didn’t like anything about Vader. Nothing. Zero, zilch, nada. He would have even told the Alliance Vader's son hated him out of sheer spite, if it wouldn’t blow his cover (? As much of a cover as someone’s real identity could be) apart.

“Huh…welp, one step closer to finding him,” Han meandered to find another pebble, clearly bored with the conversation once it was clear no other information was forthcoming.

“Yes. We’ve managed to eliminate half of our list of potential identities.”

Half of zero was still zero, Luke thought comfortingly.

“You know,” Han said reflectively, “You could cut down the list more by focusing on known Force sensitives.”

Wait—

“We’ve actually already planned on doing so,” Leia’s tone said she wasn’t about to be outdone by Han. “But thank you for the suggestion.”

Wait—

A lazy grin. “Anytime, your worshipfulness. In fact—”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Luke cut in loudly (and desperately).

Both Han’s and Leia’s eyebrows shot up.

“Luke…” Leia began after a beat, “I know this must be stressful for you, knowing that Vader likely has his son after you too—”

“But, kid, I wouldn’t sweat it,” Han finished. “If Vader hasn’t gotten you yet, his son isn’t gonna either.”

Luke didn’t respond. He was staring down at his hand. A silence fell as Han and Leia watched him.

“Vader won’t touch you,” Leia said fiercely. “Never again. He’s scum, Luke. He’s scum, and one day, we’ll defeat him. I know it.”

It should have been comforting. But Luke just felt sick. He knew what Leia meant by defeat. Doing otherwise was unthinkable. Yet somehow…

“Him, and his son,” Han added.

Luke was done. After dropping a curt, “Sure,” he walked off, shaking his head while muttering.  He felt Han and Leia’s eyes on his back but ignored it. They wouldn’t guess the truth. No one had. Luke scowled and kicked at the ground. No one could believe that he and Vader had anything to do with each other. Luke knew he should be delighted, but all he could think of was Obi-Wan telling him how Luke was so much like his father, recalling it with a wistfulness that ashamed him. Luke—he’d wanted—well—

Anyway, that was probably yet another one of Obi-Wan’s lies, Luke dismissed firmly. He was profoundly lucky that he and Vader were so dissimilar; it was the only thing saving his ass right about now.

Still, Luke spent the rest of the afternoon wandering the base alone.

been laughing at this for an hour straight.

Here’s 52 seconds of Mark Hamill being a dork because I can and I will 🫶🏻✨

Star Wars AU Masterlist: Time-Travel

So, it turns out tumblr has a Maximum number of links you can have on one post… and I hit that limit. Several times. So… multiple masterlists.

Main Masterlist

Currently this list is separated into:

Time Travel AUs in the Wider AUs masterlist

Jangosoka

Ahsoka-focused

Disaster Trio (one or more, exclusing Ahsoka solos or Vader solos)

Original Trilogy cast

Other

Weiterlesen

Everything So Far About My Stewjoni-as-actual-sithspawn verse

Below the cut is all of my “canon” so far, some of it may be changed as I get other ideas.

CW non-consensual body modification, dubiously consensual body modification, body horror, monsters, violence, cannibalism

Weiterlesen

round 1 of the obikin horror fest begins today! we can't wait to see what's to come. stay tuned and keep an eye out for our collection updates tonight!

So here's a Star Wars Crack Treated Seriously idea for you.

Obi-Wan Kenobi finds himself back in the past somewhere during the Clone Wars.

And obviously he needs to make sure that Anakin doesn't Fall and go on his Grand Slaughter Adventure.

But Anakin is the most bantha-headed, stubborn, CONTRARY disaster in the galaxy. Obi-Wan just KNOWS that if he tries going at it straight on Anakin might Fall just out of sheer spite.

No. No. This requires some finesse.

Long story short, he gets his hands on some yellow contact lenses and begins playing the most intricate game of reverse psychology guerilla warfare in the history of the Republic.

(and would you look at that, "Sith" are allowed to make assassination attempts on Supreme Chancellors. How... convenient)

Why am I even doing this???

This is so stupid and I kind of want to add more to it but. Blehh. So here it is like this for now… anakin gleefully recounts his master’s childhood trauma to ahsoka because he thinks its funny

I have a vision.

Okay, so, we all love Star Wars time travel fics. They're great, and I've read like, 50 of them in two days.

So. Obi-Wan travels to the future. From the Clone Wars to, oh, 10 years into the Empire era. Directly to Mustafar. Directly to Darth Vader's private chambers. Right in front of Darth Vader, who is currently helplessly floating in a bacta tank.

And the first thing he says is "oh Force, Anakin! What happened to you?"

And the first thing Darth Vader says is "You did this."

From Obi-Wan's perspective... well. Obi-Wan can feel it in the Force that the Jedi are gone. Anakin is grievously injured in every way possible, and he's telling the truth that Obi-Wan was responsible. They are on a remote planet, on which Anakin is obviously hiding.

Obi-Wan puts two and two together and gets twenty-two.

"I Fell. Didn't I, Anakin? I did this. All of this."

Obi-Wan explains away Anakin's obvious Darkness as a result of the trauma of watching his Master, brother and best friend become a Sith Lord. And, because Obi-Wan is duty-driven, selfless and above all a man who loves punishing himself, he immediately agrees to help Anakin hunt down his older self. Actually, he suggests it.

Darth Vader is caught in a conundrum. On one hand, he hates Kenobi almost as much as he hates himself. On the other hand, Kenobi is willingly admitting that this was all his fault and not Vader's (which is what Vader already believes anyways, and it's nice to have validation even if Obi-Wan is, technically speaking, wrong), and if he can just keep Young Obi-Wan on his side, he could overthrow Sidious...

Hilarity ensues. Vader tries to keep Obi-Wan from finding out the real truth while desperately lying to himself and Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan is too caught up with blaming himself to actually look at the situation they're in, and, of course, if Vader just managed to be honest with Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan was able to return to his time, this whole mess could be averted.