Sleep Alone

“i’m not the same as who i was before [x] thing happened to me” does it help to know that you would not have stayed that person regardless

It's very sad to me that despite Harley Sawyer being a fan favorite he's so horribly misunderstood by the fandom. YES he is an evil scientist, but acting like he's generic or doesn't have a solid or interesting motivation is silly. We see in the ARG that he was practically "groomed"(for lack of a better word) into the role, Playtime Co saw the potential he had for their evil and they trained him to do so. And in the end, they punished him for becoming what they always wanted him to be.

Not to mention the implications that he comes from an abusive home, no wonder he turned out how he did. Obviously I'm not trying to excuse his actions(I LOVE EVIL MAD SCIENTISTS!!!), but there's so much more to him as a character than the fandom seems to care about. I think Poppy Playtime consistently has VERY fascinating characters that get boiled down to their most surface level traits - Harley, Doey, and Stella are all victims of this.

I saw something in the news today that truly took my breath away. If you have been paying attention to U.S. politics over the past few days, you’ve most likely seen this woman:

This is Bishop Mariann Budde, and on Monday (Trump’s inauguration) she led an interfaith prayer for Trump and the incoming administration. During the service she asked him to have mercy for LGBTQ+ Americans and undocumented immigrants. This was badly received by the Trump administration (as expected).

After seeing headlines about this woman, I read something that I wanted to share. In 1998 a man named Matthew Shepard was murdered for being gay. I’m not going to get into the details of his death on this post, but please be warned it is extremely triggering if you do choose to read more on your own. Matthew Shepard’s death caused a lot of change in the U.S. regarding how LGBTQ hate crimes are handled, and laws that were passed to protect LGBTQ+ people.

Now you’re probably wondering what Matthew Shepard has to do with an Episcopal bishop. For years after Matthew Shepard’s murder, his family had held onto his remains, too scared to lay him to rest in fear of his final resting place being vandalized. In 2018, Budde had his remains interred at the National Cathedral, which is also the place where the interfaith prayer for Trump and his administration took place. The impact of this really had an effect on me. Budde could have led a non confrontational prayer service, and chosen not to mention the harm that will come to the people Trump and his administration are going after. Instead she chose to call out hate and fear in front of some of the most powerful people on the planet, and at a place that has such a large historic meaning to the LGBTQ community.

In the next few years there will be many challenges in protecting free speech, standing up against hate, and protecting those in our communities. But I would like to believe that for every Donald Trump and Elon Musk, there are people like Marianne Budde. There are those of us who can’t speak up for themselves, so it’s important for those of us who can to amplify our voices, even if it’s not the ‘popular’ thing to do.

“And he said you should apologize. Will you apologize?

I am not going to apologize for asking for mercy for others.” - Mariann Budde’s response in a Time interview

Link to articles: x x x

Link to the Matthew Shepard Foundation if you would like to donate

Die temu ad die

sometimes they have little talks

and every time they do, he gets more and more concerned

(also here have an old GIF)

you didnt understand, and i couldnt explain.

trope i really like is self-loathing characters desperate for the catharsis of punishment for frankly rather selfish reasons who r also obsessed with repeatedly pressing others into hating them and hurting them as essentially a method of self harm. yes baby continue making it worse for urself and everybody around u instead of doing an actually productive and effective journey of improvement

⚠️ Siren

It's interesting to me how Harley genuinely seems to believe that he's doing the right thing but not for the right reasons.

(This is more of a ramble than anything so please excuse any mistakes)

He mentions in chapter four that: "The ONLY difference is that what I fight for actually gains humanity something."

You could just attribute this to Harley trying to turn us against Poppy but I do think he actually meant what he was saying.

We know that Harley lacks humility, yet the actual reason he was kicked from the Young Geniuses Program was more because he was only interested in progress for progresses sake. He only cared about whether he could do something, not whether he should.

Elliot mentions himself in the letter removing Sawyer from the program that: "Scientific progress should ALWAYS be to the benefit of humanity," and I actually do think Harley took that part to heart. Only, he still didn't care about humanity in the slightest and probably didn't have a reason to. He just wanted Elliot's approval. Or perhaps he was trying to spite him.

In Harley's eyes the biggest flaw humanity has is mortality. He describes it canonically as an inferno. A flame to be escaped. That was one of the ulterior motives he had when he created the BBI - a way to turn humans into living beings that would never age or grow sick.

He even says himself before he dies in chapter four: "I was the one that paved the golden path," which I'm fairly certain is a reference to the "Golden Path" in Dune; something that also ties into ensuring humanity's survival.

In the Icepick Arg too you can find this message:

Here Harley describes himself as being merciful, sparing humans from their inevitable fates and the limitations of their own bodies. However he isn't doing any of it for humanity's sake, only for the recognition, approval, and attention. And because Elliot told him to.

He justifies himself here again, fully believing he is in the right and that others will understand in a thousand years, once humanity is "saved" because of an immortality he discovered.

Also consider how Harley's last words are: "You...saved...nobody..."

I think he's talking to us, but also to himself. He's acknowledging that despite his brilliance and achievements, he wasn't the savior he believed he was.

In the end, Harley is such a fascinating character to me because he does believe he's doing the right thing but because he doesn't understand why he needs to do the right thing, he actually ends up hurting people more than he does helping them. Ironically enough, it is exactly what Elliot was afraid of when he removed Harley from the YGP:

"Progress made simply for the sake of progress often winds up hurting us more than it helps."

It's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. And despite the fact Harley is an irredeemable, narcissistic psychopath, I think it's tragic that he and so many other people suffered because he fought so hard for a cause he didn't believe in. Not truly.