I Don't Know That I've Ever Heard A More Apt Turn Of Phrase Than "consumed By Depression"

Dolly

I am your dolly You pull me down from my shelf    when you’ve nothing better to do To manipulate and pose me To play pretend Until another toy    catches your eye Then back I go Lifeless and empty    on my shelf

I'm over you But I will never be over what we had

I am angry with you  But I am far more  disappointed in myself 

This is my fault

I let you in I showed you all my softest  most vulnerable bits I allowed myself to believe  you’d keep them safe

This is my fault

Please don't remember me fondly

Remember me as the one who held your heart so softly, the one who loved you without restraint even when your love for me was a tangled mess which took years to unravel

Remember my patience and devotion as I sat at your feet, then how you crushed them under your heel

Remember me with pangs of guilt and regret when you think on your habit of assuring me I was safe with you then abandoning me once again

Don't remember me fondly, remember you killed me

His possession wrapped around me like a warm coat, shielding me in a way it felt like only he could from my own frozen heart

I want...

I want to rail. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to yell out horrible things about him and make him feel as useless and broken as I do.

I want his arms around me. I want him to stroke my hair and tell me it will be okay. I want to believe it will be okay. I want to be safe. And secure.

But no one hears my wants as they fall directly into the blackness which was once my heart.

Time again to box it all up. Put it away. Pretend I don’t feel. Time to lose myself in mundanity. Hide from passion. Give up on hope.

“I thought you loved me.” She said, questioningly

“I do.” He sighed

“Bullshit.” She said, her anger snapping. “This isn’t love, to pick and choose when it’s convenient for you. I’ve been there for you no matter what and where have you been when I needed you most?”

I used to think the worst case scenario  would be you decided you disliked the real me But your apathy cuts deeper than any hatred could

You spin me around

like we're pinning the tail on the donkey

Yesterday this, tomorrow that

contradictions and half-truths

Until I'm dizzy and can barely walk straight

and you end up with a tail on your forehead

I'd like to have compassion for him but I can't I've already given him too much of my heart.