Lyssrambles - I Was Born A Ramblin' Girl

Please don't remember me fondly

Remember me as the one who held your heart so softly, the one who loved you without restraint even when your love for me was a tangled mess which took years to unravel

Remember my patience and devotion as I sat at your feet, then how you crushed them under your heel

Remember me with pangs of guilt and regret when you think on your habit of assuring me I was safe with you then abandoning me once again

Don't remember me fondly, remember you killed me

My heart needed a voice

I keep typing out all my feelings to you Then I remember I’m not allowed anymore

Some Days

Some days I love myself.  Overjoyed to help others feel useful A treasure whose bliss is creating bliss Worthy. Loveable. Hopeful.

Other days I hate myself. Overwhelmed with feeling useless A burden and toxic to everything I touch Unworthy. Unloveable. Hopeless.

Some days I wonder if I will ever get back to some days.

Try not to think of me when you are alone

Try not to think of me when she won’t do those things for you

Try not to think of me when you are tired of forcing your round psyche into her square hole

Try not to think of me when you realize you can’t find happiness pretending to be someone you’re not

Try not to think of me because I am trying not to think of you

Try not to think of me

I am angry with you  But I am far more  disappointed in myself 

This is my fault

I let you in I showed you all my softest  most vulnerable bits I allowed myself to believe  you’d keep them safe

This is my fault

Hanging on by a thread Waiting for you to cut the cord

I keep typing out all my feelings to you Then I remember I’m not allowed anymore