HES SUCH A GOOD BIG BROTHER

At this rate I’ll make a “Keeping up with the Phantomhives” AU

Headcannon #4? Maybe? Idk

So, I'm sitting in history class and this pops in my head.

Being a butler especially to Ciel Phantomhive is exhausting. Sometimes, Sebastian needs to take a small break because he just needs one every now and then. However, he can't just leave Ciel on his own. Yes, there are other servants, but Ciel is bound it call for him within 5 minutes of his departure. So, how does Sebastian manage to disappear for an hour or so? Well, he may or may not have a collection of things that he knows will keep Ciel distracted for a while. Said collection may include a variety of shiny rocks, a feather, or shells. Anything remotely shiny will will work.

Sebastian never says anything when he places one of said items in front of Ciel. He simply places the item on his desk and leaves. Ciel is beyond confused as to why his butler keeps placing shiny objects on his desk and will spend at least an hour trying to decipher the meaning behind said object. Sometimes he spends the hour simply observing the item, other times he walks around the manor trying to find its origin.

Sebastian always comes back after an hour. He either finds Ciel with an analysis of the item and what it means or he finds him sulking because he couldn’t figure it out. If Ciel’s analysis makes any sense, Sebastian will reward him with a sweet of his choice. If Ciel is sulking, he’ll pat him on the head and say, “Better luck next time” with a smug smile. This infuriates Ciel who wastes no time slapping his butler’s hand away and telling him to be quiet. Either way, Sebastian is entertained.

In truth, there is never a set meaning behind the items. Sebastian had started placing objects on Ciel’s desk to confuse him, but once Ciel begun to come up with his own explanation of the items, Sebastian decided that this could evolve into a guessing game. It’s up to Ciel to decide if he wins or not.

Skk at 17 is so funny cause imagine you’re in the port mafia, about to go on a serious and dangerous mission, and your executives are two insane hormonal teenagers. Yeah one of them can make black holes and the other can inflict terrifying psychological damage on people but then Chuuya is giving a big scary speech and his voice cracks and Dazai fucking loses it.

Hello! Are you taking Dadbastian requests?🥺

Yes! Always! What can I write for you, love? 🩵

Poor Sebastian

Ciel: How could you, Sebastian?! How dare you! What you have done is unbelievably cruel! I will never forgive you for what you’ve let happen to me! You were supposed to be my protector! I can feel myself fading… It won’t be long now. Tell Finny that he was my favorite. This is it. This is where I met my end. Goodbye, cruel world.

Sebastian: My lord, please, it’s just a paper cut.

Ciel: Shut up, Sebastian. You have no idea how much pain I’m in.

Sebastian:… I’m not your favorite? :(

Ciel: Not after this disgrace.

I have a long field trip coming up tomorrow. Please send me Dadbastian requests, I need something to do on the bus 🥲

More Soukoku Headcanons Because They Live Rent Free 24/7

Many assume Dazai is the more clumsy between the two as he is the most careless with his life, but Chuuya is more likely to get hurt by little day to day things. Stubbing his toe? Getting a paper cut the moment he takes his gloves off in his office? Struggling a bit to get down from the high chairs are the bar because Dazai bet he needed to use his ability to get up and down? All in a days work.

They both like sweets, but Dazai prefers his sweets to either be extremely sweet or bitter sweet while Chuuya prefers mildly sweet or sour to sweet.

Dazai can’t handle much spice, but Chuuya prefers spice.

Chuuya likes to sleep like a starfish and tends to accidentally kick or slap Dazai while sleeping. Once he realized simply hitting Chuuya back wasn’t working, he essentially turned into a koala and wrapped himself around Chuuya, successfully trapping his arms and legs. Chuuya was confused when he woke up the first time this happened, but he just chalked it up to Dazai being clingy (which is true, but wasn’t the main reason in this case).

If Dazai is having a bad day, Chuuya will try to get him out of the house and they’ll walk around until they can find something to do. If Chuuya is having a bad day, Dazai will try to keep him in the house and find some kind of lazy activity to do together.

Dazai loves using “gross and embarrassing” pet names in public, but rarely uses any in private except for the occasional “slip up”. The “gross and embarrassing” pet names as Chuuya so lovingly calls them include: babe, baby, slug of my life, darling, pretty boy, princess (Chuuya slapped him for this one), prince charming, pookie, sweet checks, pumpkin pie, sugar lips, my chibi heart, etc. The closest to calling Dazai a pet name Chuuya ever has gotten is calling him Osamu in private.

When Chuuya helps change Dazai's bandages, Dazai considers that one of their most intimate moments as that is when he feels most vulnerable. When Dazai stays with Chuuya post-Corruption, Chuuya considers that to be one of their most intimate moments as that is when he feels the most vulnerable.

Dazai's love languages are physical touch and quality time. Chuuya's love languages are gift giving and acts of service.

Well I finally read 131.5 for the first time, and though I’ve seen some screenshots, there were so many really good things that I didn’t know happened:

Bard lends Sebastian his own pajamas because Seb doesn’t have any

Sebastian has trouble resting because he can hear the servants making mistakes and even potentially getting themselves into danger

Snake and Tanaka make porridge for Sebastian

They tell Ciel he should deliver the porridge because Ciel’s appreciation will make Sebastian feel better

Ciel delivers the porridge

Sebastian tries to be scary but Ciel says it won’t work because Sebastian is wearing frilly granny jammies

Sonboy laughs at a very perturbed dad

Ciel insists on sitting with Sebastian while he eats his porridge

The porridge tastes like shit

I love how during the entirety of this scene Isabella has had her left eye covered by her hair

Like emo mother like emo son

Love, after all, is a wonderful thing.