Love Is Not Rational And It Isn’t Supposed To Be. It’s Okay To Fall In Love With The Boy Everyone

What to do when you are having a panic attack…

Hey now. It’s going to be alright. You are going to be ok. Things might be scary for a while and it might hurt a little bit but you are going to be ok.

First thing I want you to do for me is focus on your breathing. Ignore whatever thoughts are going on in your head, any activity that is happening around you. Focus on your breathing.  

Alright. We are gonna try now ok? It might hurt a little bit but the pain will go away.

Follow the pattern:

In two three four

Out two three four

Again

In two three four

Out two three four

Make your breaths slow and deep. Its ok.

In two three four

Out two three four

It’s going to be ok. You are safe. Breathe.

In two three four

Out two three four

You are loved. You are wanted.

In two three four

Out two three four

Its ok. You’re ok. Slow and deep. Keep breathing.

In two three four

Out two three four

Keep going.Just breathe.

If you would rather have a visual to help you can try this.

I found that this one helps a lot. Just focus on the gif. Match your breathing with that. Its going to be ok.

Keep looking at these. If your breathing is not better, its ok. Look back and try to get it steady. No one is rushing you. If at any time you need to come back to these exercises its ok. You do them as many times as you need to, as often as you need to.There is no time limit to becoming ok. Just breathe. It’s gonna be alright.

Now that you can breathe lets try to do a little more ok? Remember, if your breathing gets worse go back to the section above until it gets better. It’s not a bad thing to have to go back. Its ok.

I want you to feel where you are. Are you standing? Sitting? Lying down? If you are standing, try to find a possible spot to sit down. The floor is perfectly ok. If you can’t find a place to sit, lean against a wall at the very least. If you are sitting in a high chair or in one that is hard to balance on, see if you can find a sturdier place to sit. If you are lying down you are ok. If you can’t tell what you are doing its ok. Don’t panic. Try to find something solid to be against.

The next thing I want you to do for me is relax. You might be very tense right now. That tension could be making it worse. So we are going to try to get rid of it, alright? Even if you don’t feel tense it is still a good idea to try this. You could be tense but not feel it.

We are gonna start to relax now. The first thing I want you to focus on is your toes. Are they clenched? If they are, try to uncurl them. Next are the muscles in your feet. Try to relax them. It’s ok. Relax so that the muscle is not tight.

Now go to your lower leg, your calf. Is it tense? Relax the muscle. What about your upper leg, your thigh? Relax.  

Now move to your fingers. If they are clenched, relax them its ok. Now the rest of your hand. And your arm. Relax. Its ok

Next is your neck. Let  go of all the tension that you feel.

Now your chest. Just relax completely. Its gonna be ok. It might feel a little weird. But it is gonna be ok.

If you can’t relax or if your body is too tight, its ok. It really is. If you can’t relax try to grab onto something near you, that is not you, like a blanket or a book. You can grab your shirt if you need to. Ok?

Think about your breathing again. How is it doing? Are you still breathing normally? If not, go back and focus on it. Its ok, take the time you need. Once your breathing is ok, keep going.

Hopefully you feel a little better. Is there anyone you can call? Or someone who might help you? Is there someone you need to get in touch with to let them know that you need help? If you can, contact the people you feel comfortable with to tell them that you need help. If you don’t want to call them you can text them. You aren’t bothering them. They want to help you. Its ok, don’t be scared.

If you don’t have anyone to contact, its ok. You don’t have to or need to.

Check your breathing again. Is it ok? If not, do some breathing exercises. Its ok.

Next I want you to check and see if you are hurt. Did you hit your head or are you bleeding anywhere? Do you need to get help from someone or go to the hospital?

You might still be in some pain in your chest. Its ok. It should go away really soon. If it doesn’t you should go to the doctor to see if they can help you.

If you are hurt try to take care of yourself. Ice any bumps and bandage any cuts. If you need to wait to do this until you can move better, it is ok. Just make sure that you do it eventually.

If you are not physically hurt, then stay calm and keep breathing. It’s good that you aren’t hurt. Were gonna keep going on the path to making you feel better. How’s your breathing doing? Remember take it nice and slow.

If you can, I want you to go get some water. It will help you feel better. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but you do need some. Take small sips, but try to finish all of it. If you have to get up and you are still shaky make sure that you stay close to the walls and keep yourself from falling. Its going to be ok.

If you don’t have access to water another type of liquid will do. If you don’t have access to any type of drink, it is ok. When you get the chance make sure to get some.

Even if you are feeling a bit queasy, you should still drink a little bit. It will help settle your stomach and help you feel better.

If you feel up to it could you eat a small something for me? It doesn’t have to be a full meal, just some crackers or a granola bar. If you don’t think you can its ok. You are perfectly fine.

Keep breathing darlin. You are doing so wonderfully. You are going to be ok.

Its going to be ok. Whatever you were worried or panicked about, it will be ok. Things have a way of working themselves out. The only thing that you need to focus on right now is feeling better.

Don’t think about work or school. Just breathe.

You are ok. You are safe here. Nothing is going to hurt you. You are protected by your tumblr family and we are not going anywhere. We won’t let anything hurt you. You are safe here. You can always come here and find comfort. Its ok.

You are loved. You are such a wonderful, unique person. I could not imagine the world without you. You hold a special place in my heart and no one else could fill it. It doesn’t matter if we talk every day or if you have never messaged me or if you don’t even know who I am. I still love you.

You are wanted. You are so special. There will never be a time that I will not appreciate you. It is ok. If there is a voice telling you that you are unimportant, it is lying. You are so very important. I promise you. You are wanted.

You are beautiful. It doesn’t matter who you are. It doesn’t matter what you identify as, your skin color, hair color, height, size, face shape, hair color or texture, or origins. You are beautiful. It doesn’t matter if you have freckles, dimples, birthmarks, stretchmarks, scars, or acne. You are beautiful. It doesn’t matter if you spend two hours on make up, or wear none. It doesn’t matter if you wear the latest fashions or have clothes that are hand-me-downs or from ten years ago. It doesn’t matter if you are disabled or if you are missing a limb. It doesn’t matter if you don’t fit into societies standards. You are beautiful. Absolutely enchanting. It doesn’t matter who you are. You are beautiful.

You are going to be ok.

How are you feeling darlin? Is your breathing ok?

There is one last thing I want you to do for me.

I want you to get comfortable. Alright?

Take a shower if you want. Or a bath. Make the water comfortable and get yourself clean. Use the soap that smells really good or that bath bomb that you really like. Take your time. There is no rush. Put lotion on after you are done. All over. Do any other cleansing routines you have. Drink a little bit more water.

Get dressed in your comfiest clothes whether that is a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt or a nightgown or a onesie its ok. Just get comfortable. Don’t forget the socks if you want them.

Grab a blanket. Go to the place you like being the most. A comfy chair, the couch, or your bed. Get warm. Get comfy. Now do something that relaxes you. That makes you happy. Reading, watching your favorite show, writing, drawing, anything. Do something you enjoy. Bake some cookies. Throw a dance party. Take a nap. Do some knitting. Or that one thing you always wanted to do but you couldn’t find the time to do.

Be happy. Be warm. Relax.

Its gonna be ok darlin.

I got you.

You are safe.

And loved.

And wanted.

You are gonna be alright.

I’m right here for you.

I really hope this helps y’all. Always feel free to message me and I will try to help you in anyway I can. Keep in mind, this might not help everybody. I tried to be inclusive and put everything I thought would help but chances are I missed something.

I hope you feel better now. Keep your chin up. We stand strong together.

Love you all, Eve 💜

Every time I see you

I think

"This is it

I could never love a person more"

And then you show me these new things

These new ways to love

New things to fall for

New ways to feel.

I don't know how you do it

But you out do yourself

Every damn time.

What a PTSD-Induced Panic Attack is Like (based on experience of Yours Truely, so it may not be the same for all)

That’s right comrades, y'all read that unnecessarily-long title correctly. We are gonna discuss PTSD and Panic Attacks. No, not ALL of the symptoms appear every time.

Most Common Symptoms of Attacks

Hyperventilating

Shaking

Accelerated pulse

Feeling like reality is disappearing/feeling helpless

A gah-jillion thoughts that you can’t get straight

Overwhelming fear, mainly of injury or dying

Hot flashes

Not blinking

Lightheadedness

Claustrophobia

Sometimes-Symptoms in Cases of Major Attacks

Muscle weakness/legs giving out

Fever

Flashbacks (strictly in cases of PTSD)

Flinching/jumping away from other people’s touch

Eyes looking all around trying to focus on something “real” instead of thoughts/images/memories being shown super vividly in your mind (almost seeming like they’re happening again)

Saying out-of-context things such as “I’m sorry,” or “please don’t hurt me,” because you’re busy watching the trauma happen all over again (linked with the one above)

Starting-to-Have-an-Attack but-Not-Quite-Completely-Having-One Symptoms

Shaking

Accelerated pulse

Hot flashes

Rapid breathing (but not quite hyperventilating)

Things Done to Help or Prevent Attacks

Wearing hair up (helps minimize hot flashes if you have long hair that covers your neck. I was once sitting in class, trying to figure out how to address the topic of a very-fresh incident with my soon-to-be-boyfriend and I started getting hot flashes. Earlier in the day one of my other friends [not knowing why I always wear my hair up] pulled the ponytail out of my hair, and I felt like I was going to throw up or pass out from the heat)

A “home source”, or something to wear to keep you connected to something you love or care about (this is what I do, but I don’t think it has to be clothing. I wear my boyfriend’s jacket 24/7 because the smell keeps it away. Seriously I have sang in front of people wearing it and I have yet to have an attack. 10/10 recommend)

Keep something to distract you (ex. Book, toy, etc) (it won’t keep it away, but will help make it not as bad)

Someone you are close to that can actually talk and get to you while in the middle of an attack (more about this next)

How to Help an Attack (based on my experience)

My boyfriend does this thing where he gets at eye level, puts a hand on each cheek (unless I express that I don’t want to be touched. NEVER FORCEFULLY PUT A HAND ON SOMEONE DURING AN ATTACK! THIS COULD MAKE IT WORSE!) and whispers at me to look at him (NEVER RAISE YOUR VOICE WHEN SOMEONE IS HAVING AN ATTACK! THIS COULD ALSO MAKE IT WORSE!) Once I look him in the eyes he starts “talking me down” and reassuring me that it’ll be okay, and he’s there: I listen to this. If a random person tries to help it’s almost like I can’t hear them. Find someone you’re close with and talk to them about this

Sometimes they need space. Clear the area

Possible Triggers (based on my experiences)

Mine comes from PTSD directed from violence, so just remember this is different for different causes.

Agressive yelling (joking yelling and loud rooms are fine. I go to a public school with literal thousands of other people talking over one another, and I myself tend to yell because it amuses me)

Stuff breaking (glass, plastic, etc. Some materials more than others)

Doors slamming (doesn’t max-out an attack, but gives minor symptoms)

Physical violence towards others, or even accidentally physically hurting me (story time: he [you can probably tell who I am referring to at this point] was once trying to be sweet and considerate and zip up my [technically his] jacket because I was shivering my boobs off, but accidentally caught my neck in the zipper. I started shoving him away and refused to let him near me until I calmed down a little because in my mind, he was trying to attack me)

Or even like this one time he was trying to bottle flip a little plastic thing of orange juice onto the breakfast table. It hit a bunch of empty containers of it (I really freaking love orange juice) and they all came flying at me. I froze in my chair, started shaking hyperventilating, and all that jazz and didn’t even know why

Do what you will with this information. Write it into a book. Help a friend. Go nuts. Just remember, while triggers can come from simple things, don’t over-exaggerate them. Good luck!

“I’ve come to the realization that our relationship failed not because I didn’t love you, but because I didn’t love myself.”

— m.g.

emotional abuse is when someone does something to hurt you, and when you express your feelings, that you’re upset, they turn it around to be something you did to hurt them and they force you to apologize for it, and your feelings, like always, are rendered invalid and silenced, forever damaging the ability to trust others with your feelings because they always are used against you.

When I was training to be a battered women’s advocate, my supervisor said something that really blew my mind:

“You can always assume one thing about your clients; and that is that they are doing their best. Always assume everyone is doing their best. And if they’re having a day where their best just isn’t that great, or their best doesn’t look like your best, you have to be okay with that.”

Any now whenever anyone in my life, either a friend or a client, frustrates me, disappoints me, or pisses me off, I just tell myself They are doing their best. Their best isn’t that great today, but I have days where my best isn’t that great either. 

PSA

telling your neurodivergent/mentally ill kid:

“you can’t do anything right without your meds”

“you’ll never amount to anything without your meds”

“i like you better on your meds”

“you’re stupid without your meds”

“you embarass me off your meds”

“you’re too embarassing to be seen in public without your meds"

“no one could ever want to be your friend without your meds”

“the meds must be working because you accomplished something”

“the meds are working because you’re quieter”

is EXACTLY THE SAME as telling them:

“you can’t do anything right”

“you’ll never amount to anything”

“i don’t like you”

“you’re stupid”

“i’m ashamed of you”

“you’re too embarrassing to be in public, i’m embarassed to be seen with you”

“no one could ever want to be your friend”

“you didn’t earn your accomplishments”

and “i wish you didn’t exist, so at least be quiet so i can pretend you don’t"

PASS IT ON

(this is not directed at anyone who chooses to take medication, this is about parents/siblings/ect. who talk to ppl this way)

one of the weirdest things about bpd is having extreme abandonment issues but having the urge to abandon everyone you know

“I don’t know where stand with you. And I don’t know what I mean to you. All I know is every time I think of you, I want to be with you.”

—

A note to my body

I am sorry.

I have cut you, hit you, and burnt you. I have shoved more food into you than you can handle, jammed my fingers down your throat, and starved you for days until all you can see is stars.

I’ve consumed too much alcohol, too many substances, and exercised you into the ground.

But what I am the most sorry for is that I can’t seem to stop… no matter how much I want to be better for you, I don’t know how to stop this self destruction.

And for that, I am truly sorry