Abandonment Issues Are Fucking Painful. I Hate That The Dumbest Shit Makes Me Feel Like A Small, Helpless,

Me: I miss my friends

My brain: blow up their phone.

Also my brain: you’re so inconsiderate and selfish, you victimize yourself even though you’re the only one in the wrong. This is why no one talks to you. Everyone has a life, look how you’re acting. You’re ridiculous and annoying.

“It’s okay to admit that he wasn’t half the man that you once thought he was. But that doesn’t make you wrong; it makes him wrong.”

— Poetry At Most

Abuser: Yells at me about how I’m immature or “too old” to be doing x thing

Me: But it’s okay for you, a grown adult, to throw tantrums, slam things, and yell at me about stupid and miniscule bullshit?

Okay controversy will come from this, but don’t tell your kids that they are eating too much unless they have to restrict their intake for some medical reason.

A kid will go back to refil their dinner plate and I’ll hear parents say “don’t you think that’s enough dinner for tonight?” Or “you shouldn’t eat that much food.”

Telling your kid that they’ve had too much food, or they shouldn’t eat that much can contribute to an eating disorder later in life.

Kids don’t go to refill their plates for fun, they do it because they are still hungry. They’re growing people! They need lots of food!

“He came into my life dressed up as everything I’ve been looking for and stupid me couldn’t resist. He found his way under my skin and into my bones. Now all I can do is pray that he won’t add any more wounds to my recovering heart.”

— I never learn - Jess Amelia 

Sometimes self sabotage and suicidal tendencies are loud, cutting and burning and swallowing pills. But sometimes they’re quiet. Not buckling your seat belt and driving a little too fast. Drinking caffeine and alcohol knowing it’ll hurt in the long run. Not putting on sunscreen hoping for burns and skin cancer. Sleeping with people you don’t love or staying with someone you hate. Not wearing a coat to make sure you’re cold, scalding water in the shower. Putting yourself in situations that make you anxious and uncomfortable. Starting fights and pushing people away.

So don’t just worry about the loud signs. Notice the quiet ones too. Because they’re just as deadly

““I love you, but you just make me so sad.” She whispered quietly enough to not wake him. “And I so badly want to go back to the way things were, but every time I look at you now I feel little edges of my heart cracking apart.” She kisses his chest with the next words, “I love you, but I have to love myself now.””

—

A note to my body

I am sorry.

I have cut you, hit you, and burnt you. I have shoved more food into you than you can handle, jammed my fingers down your throat, and starved you for days until all you can see is stars.

I’ve consumed too much alcohol, too many substances, and exercised you into the ground.

But what I am the most sorry for is that I can’t seem to stop… no matter how much I want to be better for you, I don’t know how to stop this self destruction.

And for that, I am truly sorry

there’s something about you that makes me want to be better. i look at you working so hard and achieving all of your goals and it makes me want to do the same. i want to be the best version of myself for you because you look at me and i know i can be.

4am

Did anyone else experience abusive parents telling you how ‘lucky’ you are that you’re still a kid because you have it easy now, and things are about to get much harder for you once you grow up, because people still 'coddled’ you because you’re small but once you’re adult you shouldn’t expect anything from anyone, and will have to work much harder to get by? And it would instill complete terror in you because you were barely surviving as it is, things were already so impossibly hard and painful you wanted to end your existence, and by telling you things are about to get harder, you were actually told “you aren’t going to live for much longer“ and it was a big part of why you never expected to live to grow up