You Know What? Not Liking My Body Will Not Stop Me From Taking Care Of Myself. I Will Paint My Nails

there’s something about you that makes me want to be better. i look at you working so hard and achieving all of your goals and it makes me want to do the same. i want to be the best version of myself for you because you look at me and i know i can be.

4am

eating isn’t shameful. you aren’t ugly just because you’ve gained weight. calories are necessary. treating yourself is okay. please take care of yourself. your body loves you and depends on you to help it function properly.

Old people can"t understand when younger people are willing to cut a whole relative off. They have lived their entire lives in guilt or based on some sense of loyalty to someone based on blood. People will abuse you betting on that fact, just because ya’ll are blood that means you have to accept it. No, you don’t.

you know when youre on the edge of an emotional breakdown and your throat feels tight so its hard to swallow , to breathe - and your chest feels like its being crushed by an enormous weight? yeah i hate that

What a PTSD-Induced Panic Attack is Like (based on experience of Yours Truely, so it may not be the same for all)

That’s right comrades, y'all read that unnecessarily-long title correctly. We are gonna discuss PTSD and Panic Attacks. No, not ALL of the symptoms appear every time.

Most Common Symptoms of Attacks

Hyperventilating

Shaking

Accelerated pulse

Feeling like reality is disappearing/feeling helpless

A gah-jillion thoughts that you can’t get straight

Overwhelming fear, mainly of injury or dying

Hot flashes

Not blinking

Lightheadedness

Claustrophobia

Sometimes-Symptoms in Cases of Major Attacks

Muscle weakness/legs giving out

Fever

Flashbacks (strictly in cases of PTSD)

Flinching/jumping away from other people’s touch

Eyes looking all around trying to focus on something “real” instead of thoughts/images/memories being shown super vividly in your mind (almost seeming like they’re happening again)

Saying out-of-context things such as “I’m sorry,” or “please don’t hurt me,” because you’re busy watching the trauma happen all over again (linked with the one above)

Starting-to-Have-an-Attack but-Not-Quite-Completely-Having-One Symptoms

Shaking

Accelerated pulse

Hot flashes

Rapid breathing (but not quite hyperventilating)

Things Done to Help or Prevent Attacks

Wearing hair up (helps minimize hot flashes if you have long hair that covers your neck. I was once sitting in class, trying to figure out how to address the topic of a very-fresh incident with my soon-to-be-boyfriend and I started getting hot flashes. Earlier in the day one of my other friends [not knowing why I always wear my hair up] pulled the ponytail out of my hair, and I felt like I was going to throw up or pass out from the heat)

A “home source”, or something to wear to keep you connected to something you love or care about (this is what I do, but I don’t think it has to be clothing. I wear my boyfriend’s jacket 24/7 because the smell keeps it away. Seriously I have sang in front of people wearing it and I have yet to have an attack. 10/10 recommend)

Keep something to distract you (ex. Book, toy, etc) (it won’t keep it away, but will help make it not as bad)

Someone you are close to that can actually talk and get to you while in the middle of an attack (more about this next)

How to Help an Attack (based on my experience)

My boyfriend does this thing where he gets at eye level, puts a hand on each cheek (unless I express that I don’t want to be touched. NEVER FORCEFULLY PUT A HAND ON SOMEONE DURING AN ATTACK! THIS COULD MAKE IT WORSE!) and whispers at me to look at him (NEVER RAISE YOUR VOICE WHEN SOMEONE IS HAVING AN ATTACK! THIS COULD ALSO MAKE IT WORSE!) Once I look him in the eyes he starts “talking me down” and reassuring me that it’ll be okay, and he’s there: I listen to this. If a random person tries to help it’s almost like I can’t hear them. Find someone you’re close with and talk to them about this

Sometimes they need space. Clear the area

Possible Triggers (based on my experiences)

Mine comes from PTSD directed from violence, so just remember this is different for different causes.

Agressive yelling (joking yelling and loud rooms are fine. I go to a public school with literal thousands of other people talking over one another, and I myself tend to yell because it amuses me)

Stuff breaking (glass, plastic, etc. Some materials more than others)

Doors slamming (doesn’t max-out an attack, but gives minor symptoms)

Physical violence towards others, or even accidentally physically hurting me (story time: he [you can probably tell who I am referring to at this point] was once trying to be sweet and considerate and zip up my [technically his] jacket because I was shivering my boobs off, but accidentally caught my neck in the zipper. I started shoving him away and refused to let him near me until I calmed down a little because in my mind, he was trying to attack me)

Or even like this one time he was trying to bottle flip a little plastic thing of orange juice onto the breakfast table. It hit a bunch of empty containers of it (I really freaking love orange juice) and they all came flying at me. I froze in my chair, started shaking hyperventilating, and all that jazz and didn’t even know why

Do what you will with this information. Write it into a book. Help a friend. Go nuts. Just remember, while triggers can come from simple things, don’t over-exaggerate them. Good luck!

A comic about controlling your symptoms and trying to get other people to understand why it’s so hard to do so, in goo form

There’s this weird culture of telling kids when they stress about school “u ain’t seen nothin yet hun! Wait till u do tax returns! Hahaha adulthood is fucking hell!” And i hate it b/c 

 1) it’s flat out untrue. Adulthood is a breeze compared to school. I have time to myself to do what I find fun and can make my own choices. Like, yeah, I’m poor and have to take care of myself, but the central activity of my life– work – is waaaaaay easier than school, mentally and emotionally. 

 2) Part of the reason school made me anxious to the point of considering suicide is that I had this wrong idea, drilled into my head by YEARS of people saying this, that if I didn’t do well in school, I would be a useless member of society, unable to be productive or do anything meaningful. Failing a class meant I might as well be dead. That’s the false equivalence this culture creates. But grades don’t mean SHIT in the workforce unless you’re trying to become a college professor or do something that requires a hella advanced degree. 

 3) it helps no one to say this! All it does is give mentally ill children, most of whom are already struggling to get through the DAY, the idea that it will only get much, much worse. I know I couldn’t cope with that thought. Any future planning past my 20s was blocked out in a haze of terror at the thought of having to persevere that long, only to get a shittier situation at the end. But it’s not shittier. I have to be more responsible, but this is a piece of goddamn cake compared to even High School. The only reason to say this to a teenager is to inflate your own sense of superiority over someone who is still learning how the world works.

 So like. Can we kill this culture? Please?

ADVICE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT HAVING A GOOD DAY:

wait until it gets dark and make tea or coffee or hot chocolate, or if it’s too hot outside make yourself a healthy smoothie with your favorite things in it at any point during the day

put on your favorite underwear, it helps, trust me, it’s an old family secret (i’m not kidding)

if you have a pet, play the “how many things can i stick on you until you move or get mad” game (bonus points if they fall asleep, extra bonus points if a family member sees you and tells you to quit it, extra double ultra points if they join in)

rip a peice of paper into as many little pieces as you can

go to animeseason.com and click “random anime” until you see one that looks completely ridiculous (or actually good) and watch the first episode. repeat if it sucked or if you get bored halfway through

spend at least an hour making a music playlist for how you feel right now and save it for now or when you feel a bad mood rise again

curl up in bed and cover yourself with blankets and pillows and put in music and just lay there for a while (sleeping is also good)

eat everything

drink lots of water

it’s okay bad moods don’t last forever!!!!!! i promise!!! you will be yourself soon and there are people who love you very much, don’t be afraid to reach out to them

you are lovely

eat lots of bananas