In a dimension with Fentons (doesn't matter which one), the IRS made a multilayered magic contract that banned the Fentons from ever having to pay their taxes and, by extension, be the IRS's problem. This magic contract transcends dimensions. This is good for Danny and terrifying for everyone else.
you’ve inspired me so here’s a thing you can do whatever with cause I got a migraine and lost my train of thought
so Danny’s working the bar at the iceberg lounge and notices more people are stress drinking, even the Big Names and asks what’s up only to find it’s ✨Tax Season✨
Danny: oh I always forget about that
someone: (aghast) you don’t pay your taxes
Danny: *shrugs* I’m not allowed to pay taxes
wtf does that mean, is he exempt, someone asks but no Danny explains that the first and only time he tried to pay his taxes he received a full refund and a cease and desist order
word gets around and not even the joker want to mess with Danny because what kind of a monster can scare the irs
(This is actually an inherited problem from his parents)
"What did you just say?" Danny looks up from where he is mixing drinks. Across from him is a purple suit-wearing clown- he hates clowns, so he was attempting not to make eye contact- whose whole white face is twitching slightly.
Danny blinks slowly, using every ounce of self-control to not give in to the urge to reach across the bar and slap him. After a moment, he answered, "I always forget tax season."
"You're crazy enough to take on the IRS?" The clown's jaw drops. "I mean Batman, sure, I understand that, but the IRS?"
Danny frowns. "I don't take them on. I don't have to do my taxes."
"How?" A man in a suit covered in question marks demands from further down the bar.
He shrugs his shoulders a little. "I tried it once, but they sent me a full refund and a cease and desist order. They only remind me that I cannot file taxes now."
"Prove it," A man covered in scales hisses.
Danny grabs a rag, using it to clean off the lemon juice. He reaches into his apron pocket, pulling out a folded-up letter. He could have left it in his locker, but stuff always went missing there. Best to keep his stuff on his person while working. "Sure. Here I have it now. I went to the post office before my shift-hey!"
The lade covered in leaves yanks the letter out of his hand, unfolding it and reading the words as though it wasn't a federal crime. Her voice wavers when she gets to the reminder that the United States of America Internal Revenue Service would not stand another attempt at Daniel Fenton's taxes.
"This can't be real," She scoffs, but there is an underline of worry in her voice that she can't entirely hide.
She turns to a man in a strange white and black suit- like it's evenly split down the middle strange. It matches his face, though; one side is gorgeous, and the other is deformed. "This isn't real, is it Two-Face?"
Two-face takes the paper from her hand, carefully reading the words before pulling out his phone and typing away. After a few seconds, he pauses, then gasps. "It's real. My boys just confirmed the Tax ID number. He is not legally allowed to do taxes."
"Holly Molly, you're insane," the clown gasped, backing out of the seat while pointing at Danny as though he was the devil. "Stay away from me you lunitic! I'm not messing with the IRS's boogie man!"
He turned tail and ran, leaving behind a stunned Danny, wondering what he could have said to earn that reaction. His parents back home were also ordered to not do their taxes. It's common.
He turns to his other customers, ready to take their order, but they all pale and quickly duck away from him as well.
Strange.
Then, Danny notices the silence that has fallen upon the Iceberg Lounge. Even the music has been cut off as everyone stares at him in disbelief.
He shifts, a little uncomfortable with the stares. Danny has never grown used to attention, no matter how much he craved it as a teenager. He always wanted to be in the It Crowd and be given an official membership to the A-listers, but he grew to understand that the only way they liked seeing him was in pain.
So Danny learned to avoid attention as he could, which wasn't complex as the part of the town's freaks, but the very few mintues someone did pay attention to him something terrible ended up happening.
Dash stuffed him into a locker while classmates laughed and cheered the bully on.
A teacher calling on him just to make him feel stupid.
His parents realized he was slipping in his grades and reminded him that he was a failure to the family's intelligence.
Or some random GIW agent that "banished" him from his Earth, flinging Danny straight across the universe to whatever hellhole Gotham crawled out of.
He barely got this bartending job only a few weeks ago- lying about his age which he thinks his boss doesn't care about- and using a shade of an old bartender to coach him in mixology.
Shades were different from ghosts. For one thing, they were weaker and unable to be seen by regular people. They could not interact with the world and often didn't even know they were dead. If Danny had been able to see them before the portal, he would have known they were the cause of what is commonly known as a "ghost."
They were the myths.
Jeff Ricci is Shade, one who is aware he died. He was killed in a gang shoot-out a few years after he and his sister ran away from an abusive home. They traveled through three states, dodging police and CPS, before they disappeared among Gotham's homeless population.
The pair of siblings survived for a while doing odd jobs for local gangs- things like drug runs or helping them move guns- which is why Jeff was out there the night the fight broke out.
It was an imperfect stroke of luck, the wrong place and time. The two had been doing so well, too. They had both gotten jobs at the Iceberg Lounge, lying about their ages, where Jeff was a dishwasher, and Lucia was a housekeeper.
After hours, Jeff was taught by his coworkers how to properly mix drinks, waiting for Lucia to finish her job. When the two turned eighteen, Lucia became a waitress, and Jeff joined the bar- though if anyone asked or checked their employee records, both were twenty-one.
With better pay and hours, they could rent an apartment, finally gaining a home after three years of homelessness. Jeff had lived in that home for only a month when he accepted a job to buy Lucia some migraine medication and had perished.
Lucia lived on without her twin, broken far more than before, but she still had the apartment and job at the Iceberg Lounge. She was unaware her brother still followed her around, watching her actaully turn twenty-one while he remained eighteen.
That's how Danny met him, a somewhat see-through man casually following one of the prettiest waitresses. He had assumed he was being a creep, but Jeff had been delighted that someone could not only see him but was willing to protect his sister by threatening him away from her.
In exchange for lessons on proper mixing, Jeff asked Danny to keep an eye on his sister. Help her when he could not. It was a fair trade from one younger brother to another.
The shade is currently leaning against the counter beside Danny, staring at him as though Danny was a god. "You scare the Joker. Shit, Danny, I knew you were some kind of Rouge in the making, but to take out heavy hitters like this before your debut!? That's just terrifying! Would you be willing to pay my sister to be your secretary or something? She's a great typer!"
What a strange place Gotham is.
Jason is kind of in shock. The kid makes puns and nerdy little references and seems to take joy in being Robin. Is this the ghostly personification of his childhood dreams and innocence?
Tim was four days into a sleep deficit so he felt that to say that this predicament was his fault was a bit of a reach.
For it to be his fault he would have had to cognizant of the last 16 hours.
All he wanted to do was take a power nap in the nearest closest durring the Waynetech gala but nooo Bruce had to be taken hostage by the Joker.
So he did what he thought would work best and shoved uncle Clark into the nearest emergency bat storage and told him to suit up.
Maybe he looked a bit more confused than normal but they didn’t need a reporter they needed Batman!
That being said wasn’t uncle Clark supposed to be off-world?
Oh no.
———————
Jack honestly had no clue what was happening for the last six months so when he was told to be Batman he merely just shrugged as the frankly exhausted teen left him to his own.
With his son turning out to be part ghost to the government hunting down his said son and having to move shop halfway across the continent.
This might as well happen.
Grinning like a kid on Christmas, Jack plopped on the finishing touch.
“Oh Danno is not going to believe this!”
Raising a cloaked arm with a flourish Jack struck a pose.
“Alrighty Jack enough messing around! Time to save the party, Fenton style!
Shifting his feet, Jack took a deep breath before smoothing his face the best he could. After all, couldn’t have a smiling Batman! Before walking out the room and taking running leap through the wall to the streets of Gotham before grappling to the nearest building.
Buddy, you're just inbuilding your own child leash. You're going to forget that's there, try to charge off to do something ill advised, and choke yourself. Batman didn't tell you because he knows, that even for only one time, he will have a child leash for Robin, and if he could do it every day, he would.
Batman should probably tell the baby bird that tying their capes together has been tried before and that the prank is going to backfire on him as spectacularly as it did on the flippy bird
As of the time of this post, AO3 has been scraped by yet another shady individual looking to make a quick buck off the backs of hardworking hobby writers. This Reddit post here has all the details and the most current information. In short, if your fic URL ends in a number between 1 and 63,200,000 (inclusive), AND is not archive locked, your fic has been scraped and added to this database.
I have been trying to hold off on archive locking my fics for as long as possible, and I've managed to get by unscathed up to now. Unfortunately, my luck has run out and I am archive locking all of my current and future stories. I'm sorry to my lovelies who read and comment without an account; I love you all. But I have to do what is best for me and my work. Thank you for your understanding.
some of these are purely mythical or widely disputed, this is just for fun!
bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements
Duke: Why are you glowing so much?!
Danny: Probably the radioactive hotdogs I had for lunch. Want some?
Duke: No, not particularly.
Danny moves to Gotham and the batfam picks up on the weird guy who sometimes glows green. So they all try to interrogate him but instead of taking it seriously he just treats it like a casual conversation and responds to the invasive questions with the oddest shit possible.
Batman *standing in the dark corner like a demented Halloween decoration*: are you a meta?
Danny: nope
Batman: so I'm supposed to believe the green energy beams are normal human abilities?
Danny *half his body in the fridge fighting something*: yeah my hometown wasn't super strict on zoning laws
Dick *opening up Danny's Starbucks tumbler*: so,,, green ooze‽
Danny: it's better warm, let it thaw a little.
Jason: what do you know about the Lazarus Pits?
Danny *with a gun to his head*: sorry man, armpits don't really do it for me.
Jason *trying not to laugh and ruin the creep factor*: no, in Nanda Parbattm
Danny: where's that, Arizona?
Stephanie: so you're not gonna like, drag Gotham into hell are you?
Danny: been there done that 0/10 would not reccomend
Stephanie: good enough for me.
Damian *with a katana trying to look scary*: what is your association with the league of assassins?
Danny *on three hours of sleep*: ass, ass, ins.
Damian: what?
Danny: that's how you spell it.
Tim: so, friends with any questionably immortal creepy old men?
Danny: friends is a strong word, but yeah.
Tim: tell me about it.
reblog this to put a silly little wizard hat on the person you reblogged it from
reblog this and put in the tags something you watched that terrified you as a child. i was so scared of the hot sauce in spongebob that i refused to be in the room when it was on
Yo! I'm Lira, she/her, LiraBuswavi on Ao3, and I'm just here to have a good time. The header is fanart I received for a fanfic I wrote! Check out @doodlesforfics, they're an amazing artist.
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