If You Were To Vacuum Up Jello Through A Metal Tube, Well I Think That’d Be A Neat Noise 

You: DC or Marvel

Me, an intellectual: Sky High

god I dont wanna fuckin go on dates or try to sell myself or expose myself to an unending list of potential heartbreaks i just wanna skip to the part where someone is holding me and i am cozy. fuck this bro

man: has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful? me: oh no sir, today is my first day out of doors and papà forbade mirrors in the house lest we fall victim to vanity

Mac And Cheese As Made By Terry Crews

White boy: what are you doing now haha

Me: shower

White boy's inner monologue: you fool! You've activated my trap card, "Without me? ;)" it will send your patience card to the graveyard and dock you 1000 life points!

tom nook isnt a landlord oh my god. u dont pay him rent. u pay him to build ur house. thats it. the bill is for ur house. it is not monthly. it is not rent. it is a bill for the literal construction of ur house and unlike real life theres zero interest on the loan and u never have to repay it in order to progress thru the game. simply the fact that nook builds the damn thing for u without even needing proof that u can or will pay him back is incredible. how is he the bad guy.

“yeah but i have to pay him back if i want to get a bigger house—“ Sometimes We Must Exchange Video Game Money For Video Game Goods And Services. literally wht universe is it common for games to just hand u all free shit n upgrades. it is so easy to pay nook back on day one. go catch some gd common butterflies

honestly “i’ll do whatever you want” “then perish” is the single most powerful exchange possible in the english language and it’s from some bizarre “hewwo” obama rp

start referring to things you own as “your inventory”

stop this is literally an ao3 AU come to life gdhasjha

oh my god i just killed it in the mcdonalds drive thru