Sorry I Was Late. I Was Busy Queering Traditional Notions Of Heteronormative Masculinity, I Mean Taking

COMING SOON [speakers blow out] TO OWN ON DVD [children scramble for the remote] AND VIDEO CASSETTE [atomic bomb explodes in living room]

“no homo" says the boy cuddling next to you.  You figure he means he isn’t homosexual.  It never grazed your mind he may be stating he isn’t a homosapien.  That was a very big mistake on your part.

From now on I am only accepting sexts in Dr. Seuss rhyme form

A new religious statue in the town of Davidson, N.C., is unlike anything you might see in church.

The statue depicts Jesus as a vagrant sleeping on a park bench. St. Alban’s Episcopal Church installed the homeless Jesus statue on its property in the middle of an upscale neighborhood filled with well-kept townhomes.

Jesus is huddled under a blanket with his face and hands obscured; only the crucifixion wounds on his uncovered feet give him away.

The reaction was immediate. Some loved it; some didn’t.

“One woman from the neighborhood actually called police the first time she drove by,” says David Boraks, editor of DavidsonNews.net. “She thought it was an actual homeless person.”

That’s right. Somebody called the cops on Jesus.

Bible version: a king lusts after another man's wife

Veggie Tales version: a king wants another man's rubber duck

Bible version: threat of genocide

Veggie Tales version: threat of banishment to the island of perpetual tickling

Bible version: since they won't bow down before an idol, the king has them burned alive

Veggie Tales version: since they won't bow down before a chocolate bunny, the manager has them burned alive