Well Put

well put

It’s often really hard to imagine or empathize with experiences outside of your own, which is why most often the people who head up movements or charities for particular issues have had some personal experience with it, and why it’s really hard for privileged people to understand systematic oppression etc.

I feel like that’s also why so many ace/aro spectrum people don’t realise that they’re ace/aro for a long time, because they honestly don’t know they’re any different to everyone else. Usually, I’ve found, this manifests in one of two ways - we assume that everyone else is like us (ie nobody actually experiences sexual attraction, nobody actually falls in love like they do in movies and it’s all some collective delusion or joke), or we assume that we’re like everyone else (ie thinking what we’re feeling must be sexual/romantic attraction because that’s how we’ve been taught to quantify our feelings and experiences).

With asexuality, I spent most of my life mistaking aesthetic (and the occasional sensual) attraction for sexual, which is why I didn’t realise I was asexual until I was 19. With aromanticism, for me, it was a combination of both; assuming all feelings I had towards any boy ever must be romantic, but finding some forms of ‘love’ completely implausible and genuinely totally unfathomable.

And that’s totally fine. Having a new word in your vocabulary may completely change the way you view yourself and may even shift your entire worldview because you have a new way to quantify your and other people’s experiences.

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9 years ago

I've been unfriended on facebook. Stupid right? But it was like a sucker punch. She was my best friend. And now it feels final. I tried to explain it to my cousin. I don't build relationships so friendship is highly important to me. Losing my best friend like this is breaking my heart. I understand why she did what she did last year. But I always held to hope I could rebuild what I broke. I broke our friendship because I didn't understand that a friend could never stand a chance against a boyfriend.

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I have to remind myself not to judge my life by my narrow view of the lives of the people around me. Those around me appear to have such fulfilling lives and relationships. But I don’t know their whole story and they don’t know mine.

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9 years ago

Oh the breakup phone calls. How I loath them. I've received so many and talked about so many breakups (weirdly always when I'm sleeping) I thought for a while that I was just jaded instead of aromantic. Now I know it's both.

Social events with friends are slowly turning into a study in frustration and loneliness. An evening with friends now include their partners. Don’t get me wrong they are great people (the partners); but a girl can only accept witnessing so many public displays of affection before she feels really uncomfortable and fairly ignored. I’ve even been skipped on the invitation list because I would arrive unattached. Worse, friends have canceled plans with me because their partner has suddenly become available. I thought I felt loneliness before but this is a whole new level.

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4 years ago

I’m really loving this mush path. Gonna switch to pumpkins for fall soon.

Here is the code if you want the path!

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9 years ago

I feel very much the same way. I have a sad feeling that my friends will never know because the thought of non-sexual love will never cross their minds.

I want to be out but I don’t want to have to come out over and over again I don’t want people to question my sexuality when I tell them I’m ace I want the world to already know what asexuality is/what it entails and just have it be a chill, accepted thing I don’t want to be thought of as a freak or made fun of for not wanting sex

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