Peter Our As Spider-Man Talking To A Criminal: Where Can I Find A Wheelchair?

MJ: Hey losers. Give me an honest answer on how much you hate Flash.

Peter: It cannot be represented by mortal means

Ned: I-

MJ:...That’s fair

Not Marvel. Funny though

bakugou: we are all michelangelo painting the sistine chapel ceiling

uraraka: ...explain?

bakugou: stressed, broke, gay

😂

Bruce, to Shuri and Peter: listen up, teens. There's nothing meme about smoking cigarettes. It's not "Netflix and chill" to do a drug. Fidget spin yourself into church

Everyone proceeds to look at him weird

Peter: My parents died when I was a child, I watched my Uncle get shot and everyday’s despair when I go out at night

Flash: Penis, what the fuck?!

Peter: You’ll know what I’m talking about soon enough

Also Peter as Spider-Man at a press conference: I promised my class I would explain a comment I made after being told to write about our happiest childhood memory. So here it is. *takes mask off*

Mr Harrington: today's activity is easy! Just write about your happiest childhood memory!

Peter: my what now

Ned: How come humans don’t lick to show affection?

MJ: Lesbians do

Peter coughing after choking on his saliva: W-what?!

MJ: You heard me

Ned dying of laughter and with an accent: It is what it is

Peter: MJ is so cute. *sigh*

Ned: ...She just...stabbed Flash for bullying you...

Peter: I said cute not harmless.

MJ: You do know I can hear you?

Peter:

Ned:

MJ: Thanks Loser

Me responding to this post getting over a hundred notes despite being some bullshit I made on the bus:

Responding to a kidnapping attempt part 1:

Tony:

Peter:

Bruce:

Natasha:

Clint:

Thor:

Steve:

Bucky:

Sam:

Loki:

So Zeus without all his dick children

Hey not to sound evil, but if I had the power to cast lightnin bolt on anyone I wanted, I'd use it on people who inconvenience me even slightly

MCU as Quotes vol. 10: Movies as John Mulaney

Iron Man: “This might as well happen. Adult life is already so goddamn weird.”

The Incredible Hulk: “I don’t even have a joke for that. That’s how much I hate that shit.”

Iron Man 2: “And I had that thought that only black out drunks and Steve Urkel can have: ‘Did I do that?’”

Thor: “I need everybody, all day, to like me so much.”

Captain America: The First Avenger: “I am very small, and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress I’m under.”

The Avengers: “Do my friends hate me, or do I just need to go to sleep?”

Iron Man 3: “I have a girlfriend now, which is strange because I’m probably gay.”

Captain America: The Winter Soldier: “And now there’s nazis again. *disgusted and confused face*”

Guardians of the Galaxy: “We’re all gonna die, Street Smarts!”

Avengers: Age of Ultron: “The world is run by robots, and sometimes they ask us if we’re robots just because we’re trying to see our own stuff.”

Ant Man: “FUCK DA POLICE”

Captain America: Civil War: “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.”

Doctor Strange: “Look at these curvy letters! More curvy than most, wouldn’t you say? You look mortal, if ye be! You look!”

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2: “None of us really know our fathers… anyway,”

Spider-Man: Homecoming: “I look back at being seventeen and I think 'oh god, how did I not die?’”

Thor: Ragnarok: “I am homeless, I am gay, I have aids, I’m new in town.”

Black Panther: The whole “horse in a hospital” bit

Avengers: Infinity War: “The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with the fact that you still fail at it a lot of the time.”

Ant Man and The Wasp: “My wife’s a bitch and I like her so much!”

Captain Marvel: “I was once on the telephone with blockbuster video, which is a very old fashioned sentence.”

Avengers: Endgame: “Brush your teeth, now - boom! Orange juice. That’s life.”

Spider-Man: Far From Home: “And I go 'Can I please go home? On an airplane?” And they go 'No! In fact, we’re gonna frame you for murder!“

Peter: Loki! Violence isn’t the answer

Loki: I’m a god. Therefore I have the authority to say it is.

Peter: *pauses* Can’t argue with that logic

Tony: oh no