Lacexleaves - New Beginnings

Blue skies-embers of sunset-a little pink butterfly blown somewhere against its will. Reminds me of someone can’t remember who.

i'm a simple girl: i see sunlight on the water, i find god

cognitive functions brainstorm (Ti and Te)

ps: you'll probably identify yourself the most if one of them is your dominant or auxiliary function.

Ti (introvert thinking) user - internal logic; "what makes sense to me?"; "does that makes sense to me?"; "but what makes sense after all?"; "nothing makes sense"; nihilism; overthinking; existential crises; existentialism; rationalism; "i think, therefore i am"; "i am my thoughts"; realising you're not your thoughts; "i am my intellect"; intellectual; perceived as intelligent and brilliant; logical-mathematical intelligence; linguistic intelligence; existential intelligence; "the meaning of life is knowledge"; know-it-alls; knowledge is everything for them; knowledge seeker; knowledge just for the hell of it; walking encyclopedias; "if i could live forever i would read all the books and articles i want"; have a hard time accepting mistakes because if they are so damn smart why the hell they could overlooked something?; learning to acknowledge that they know that they know nothing.

"why humans don't make sense?"; "i make sense". then over analyses oneself; analytical; perceives incongruencies and inconsistencies easily; pointing out incongruencies and inconsistencies; people often feel attacked when they make these apparently harsh observations; observant; truth seeker; "why i don't make sense?"; feeling like a fraud when their own incongruencies and inconsistences comes out; impostor syndrome; pointing out their own incongruencies and inconsistencies; self-deprecating; self-deprecating humor; "i want someone i can have a mind connection with"; "i don't want a soulmate, i want a mindmate"; mind over matter; mindgames.

debater; opinionated; "why is everyone so dumb?"; "why no one asks me what i think more often?"; intellectual loneliness; existential loneliness; self discussions; "i like to talk with smart people that's why i talk a lot with myself"; cares too much about what themselves thinks about themselves; have their own personal beliefs whether were created or enhanced by themselves; prone to believe in conspiracy theories; have their own systems and way of doing things; slow thinkers; slow doers.

Te (extrovert thinking) user - external logic; what makes sense externally; evidences; data; facts; perceived as rational; perceived as someone who always get their shit together; competent; efficient; getting shit done; people turn to you to help them do their shit; feeling overwhelmed because of your tasks and the tasks of others.

"why is everyone so incompetent?"; "if you want a thing done well, do it yourself."; perfectionist yet in a hurry to get things done; thinking out loud; "what do you think?"; "what do you think of me?"; my name's blurryface and i care what you think; "i want you to think high of me. that's why i have this credential and this credential, and this one and this other...".

straightforward; "i say what i mean and mean what i say"; self-confident; perceived as confident even if they don't feel like; people turn to them to make decisions; leader; boss; bossy; only with their posture, they command respect; leader posture; people often fear them; resting bitch face; people expect them to make the first move. ALWAYS.; "it is tiring sometimes to be the only one who always takes the first step".

"don't waste your time. don't waste MY time"; so good with deadlines; get pissed off when an employee or colleague don't meet the deadlines; "there's a time for everything"; schedules and timetables; organized; controlling; fast thinkers. fast doers; their motto is "just do it"; "you better think fast"; "what's the point?"; "go straight to the point, please"; objective.

their mind is always setting goals; ambitious; hardworking; workaholics; they are always doing something and/or thinking of doing something; checklists; pragmatic; "knowledge needs to be applied in reality otherwise it is useless"; the urge to be useful; it is hard to rest for them; it is hard to do nothing; abhors idleness; hates being sick because they need to rest and do nothing; procrastinate, as everyone in this burnout society, but their procrastinations just occurs every now and then. too goal oriented for that.

"i am my work. i am the work i do. that's why the work needs to be perfect and done as quickly as possible"; no time to die; realising you're not the work you do.

It is dusk and I am currently wandering in the outskirts of town with no destination in mind. An enchanting perfume is borne to me by the wind. I have been strolling around in this fashion for the last half an hour and have met with multiple very interesting things. The sky is blue, a clear, Misty blue. The blue of a summer evening,Freckled with Opal and violet clouds. I can hear water trickling into the soil nearby, a delightful group of crickets have decided to favour me with their songs. I recall reading once crickets were the souls of poets, poets that never attained fame or wrote much in their lifetime, who sang of kings and queens, hopes and dreams, love and hate. Alright then, I shall stay and listen to them. Listen until their music becomes stitched into my very bones. I lost my way in an dimly lit street, without much care or alarm, I wondered what were the names of those flowers on the corners were, if flowers indeed they were, those witchy looking things. I walked on and found, rather to my disappointment, that I recognised the road, I sighed silently and proceeded.

I stopped at multiple patches of wildflowers and asked them if they would let me in a secret. “Of course not!” Exclaimed the little yellow cousin of the daisies. “Why would you think we would reveal our secrets to you, foolish human ?” She asks. “Because I am but, as you say, a foolish girl, will you not bequeath a ray of light to my clouded heart?” The bluebell laughed, as she swayed in the breeze. “I will, maiden,I will.” She mocked. “But only if you show yourself to be worthy of it.” before I could return her impish greeting, a sudden gust of wind blew them all away, to a faraway place which I would never see. “A secret”, the bracken chuckled. With a wistful parting gaze at the direction in which they had floated away, I turned and started for the house, running along roads where there was no one to see, brushing my hand against bushes, lingering only to observe lizards and gather flower spoil. Gosh, what an armful! I had dark inky bluebells, little daisies, something that appeared to be what I thought was bracken, a perplexing bunch of nettles, a clump of daffodil-like things that looked suspiciously elfin, and a while lot of ferns, ranging from bright yellow to faint purple. The rest of the walk was spent in pleasant dreaming, largely abstract. When I reluctantly returned to the car, it was properly dark, and my twilight of wandering had ended. After I returned home and had taken out my souvenirs and laid them out on the bed, I reached for my books and left flowers and ferns at specific passages. The scent I mentioned earlier still clings to me, and I am surrounded by the ghosts of flowers I vainly plucked for adornment.

sorry i never replied. everyday is blending together and im losing sense of time

Two days ago, I had gone up to the terrace to behold the sunset and breathe in some fresh air. I had always preferred the setting sun to the rising one, for soft dusk ensues after one while the other is succeeded by harsh daylight. Ah, for a world in which it is permanently twilight! The view from the place was one that might be seen from any building over two storeys high in the neighbourhood. It was rather the stark contrast of the sky at the opposite ends that piqued me. The east at sundown was a pale azure, almost unnatural in its monotonousness, disturbed only by a hazy sapphire mountain, whose original crude bareness was softened by the distance, imparting to it a hue reminiscent of the shade the sea is often associated with, but seldom found in. In the west meanwhile, the sun was letting afloat his final banners, on which seemed written all the wisdom of the mortal world, in a language nearer to me that the ones I had ever heard spoken or seen written, yet at the same time utterly incomprehensible. What is to be the use of poring over Greek and Latin if they don’t impart to me a knowledge of these transfixing scriptures? Here was a cloud whose ethereal inhabitants had borne the harsh rays of the sun all day and were now looking down with relief at his long awaited departure. What are you doing little one, so precariously perched at the edge? What are your irresponsible siblings thinking of? Have they gone to make arrangements for your moonlit revels? Ah, there comes your mother. She looks quite shocked. The chances of you wildly wandering in the gentle realms of cloudland soon again are not so high, are they? Look at your haze! One would think there was a storm approaching! How lonely your dwelling looks, a storm scud in the middle of pastel drifts! Another cloud, situated at a higher altitude than the previous one, part of it softly illuminated by the rays of the now setting sun was drifting by, as if determined to make the most of the sunlight by moving unhurriedly as possible. All this, coupled with the music of unconcernedly fluttering leaves, punctuated now and then by the sweet trill of some bird, with a mild breeze blowing in my face, made for a very pleasant evening spent in the company of two curious squirrels, and in the way most agreeable to me.

the night is still young. i can do yoga and use my oil pastels. i can cut another fruit. i can write in my journal. i can make a poem. i can invite the figure outside my window in

Nothing much, I know, just an old sunset.

I met an old centipede on the terrace today, slowly she crawled up to me. “Isn’t the sky beautiful today?” She remarks. I tilted my head forward and mumbled, “My aunt says she has seen finer ones, over Misty hilltops and pale dawns.”. She smiled, (I thought centipedes couldn’t smile?) “You’ll never find beauty or happiness in anything if you keep thinking there is something better.” Did she sound wistful? I don’t know. We sat there for a while, she crept near me and asked in a whisper, “Will you play something on that old guitar?” “Uh, sure.” I say and pick up my guitar and start strumming an old tune. I kept muting strings and tripping over notes. But as she showed no signs of noticing anything, I continued playing, until twilight gave way to the night sky and the music faded away in discord. “It was lovely”, she said. I raised an eyebrow. “It was lovely.” She repeated, as mosquitoes swarmed over my phone that had lit up at a notification from my math teacher.

taken by me

Winters in Retrospect

You're my wall.

It's rueful, the smile I give

When, tired, I lean my head against your chest

Standing stock straight the both of us

In freezing December waters,

Our shoelaces tied in pretty a noose.

Monsoon eats at our hand

Rested on the windowpane

Sometimes even the cold cannot replace the rain.

- pollosky-in-blue